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RANT: My girlfriend's brother is spoiled and apes**t crazy. Parents are oblivious. - Page 3

post #31 of 57
kick his ass. that is what i would do. someone hasn't shown him his place, if you're up for some drama, maybe you should.
post #32 of 57
If I was your chick, I would dump that business major, that shits a waste of time if she is going to be going to med. school.
post #33 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by kanye3000 View Post
If I was your chick, I would dump that business major, that shits a waste of time if she is going to be going to med. school.

I'd drop the Biochem too. "That shit's a waste of time if she is going to med school."

Also, I'd use this as extra incentive to bust my ass to get into said medical school. Then, after residency, I'd try to get a job at whatever hospital my brother worked at and I'd be like "Poop clean-up in room 355. Hop to it bitch!"
post #34 of 57
I don't understand the complaint.

The money is the parents'. They can buy a fucking gold plated dog house if they so desired. If they choose to give most of it to the oldest son, that's their perogative.

You sound pissed because your GF gets less money.

She may complain to you about this and that, but deep down she's still part of the family. YOU would be quite delusion to think that you can be with the girl and not become part of the drama.
post #35 of 57
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lee_44106 View Post
I don't understand the complaint. The money is the parents'. They can buy a fucking gold plated dog house if they so desired. If they choose to give most of it to the oldest son, that's their perogative. You sound pissed because your GF gets less money. She may complain to you about this and that, but deep down she's still part of the family. YOU would be quite delusion to think that you can be with the girl and not become part of the drama.
I would be lying if I said I didn't think this was not at all ethnocentric, but you do have a point that the general concern is when you boil it down IS my gf gets less money than her brother. However, from the traditional asian family values perspective, this support is pretty much expected, even if it is perhaps seen as being spoiled from the point of view of a north american/caucasian family values point of view where a kid is pretty much out to fend for themselves after they turn 18. So it does make sense you don't understand it, because... you really don't. But I don't feel the complaint or my just my frustration of the situation is unjustified.
post #36 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by sonick View Post
lol, yeah my gf is filipino...

As for her being in danger. She actually does get threatened by him. The whole reason her mom suggested SHE move out is because (this is directly from the mouth of her mother) that he will not hurt her, but he definitely has the capacity to end up hurting his sister in one of his temper tantrums.

Remember, he really IS borderline crazy, not just an exaggeration. He's actually been admitted into a psych ward in the past.

Oooh. This is far more complicated than it seems. First, Filipinos are very, very attached to their family, and unless your gf expresses her intention to cut ties with her family, or move out of state, then she's pretty much stuck with them. One thing I've observed though, that "oldest son" schtick doesn't hold in the Filipino culture like it does with the Chinese/Japanese/Korean setting. From where I stand its just that typical spoiled like shit brat all grown up and now he knows how to push the buttons with regard to his parents who are obviously suffering from some form of "battered wife syndrome" but on a parent-child relationship.

Thing is, if your gf isn't sure yet of how to deal with her family, chances are she'll probably stick it out with them. What you can do then is probably pour sand inside the Prelude's gas tank.
post #37 of 57
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by acidicboy View Post
Oooh. This is far more complicated than it seems. First, Filipinos are very, very attached to their family, and unless your gf expresses her intention to cut ties with her family, or move out of state, then she's pretty much stuck with them.

Thing is, if your gf isn't sure yet of how to deal with her family, chances are she'll probably stick it out with them. What you can do then is probably pour sand inside the Prelude's gas tank.

True, I'm sure she wouldnt be able to completely break ties, but perhaps some distance will help.

I'll see how things go. She's been looking at apartments today. Whether she will end up going through with it is another story.
post #38 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by sonick View Post
lol, yeah my gf is filipino...

As for her being in danger. She actually does get threatened by him. The whole reason her mom suggested SHE move out is because (this is directly from the mouth of her mother) that he will not hurt her, but he definitely has the capacity to end up hurting his sister in one of his temper tantrums.

Remember, he really IS borderline crazy, not just an exaggeration. He's actually been admitted into a psych ward in the past.

I would have a serious problem with the bolded section. I'm not one to advocate violence, but I'd get in his grill and let him know you will temporarily incapacitate him if he ever does his sister any harm.
post #39 of 57
This is nothing new in Asian families. Spoiled out of control adult sons with no grounding in reality. It's epidemic. My 40 year old brother in law was GIVEN a downtown condo. This after he was given 4 years college tuition and living allowance and paid trips to Europe to finish some university courses. Now he writes movie reviews for internet sites - how much does that pay? - and rides everywhere on a bicycle, even in snowstorms, to save even the cost of bus fare. The dumb f**k talks about his stock investments constantly - another gift from the parents.

Your gf's parents are probably fearful for their physical wellbeing. She needs your support. If the 'nurse' has quiet receptive moments have his sister suggest counselling or a frank talk if your gf is up to it.

I deal with my brother in law by staying well clear of him.
post #40 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by Douglas View Post
This is going to sound callous, but I'd recommend you get out of this relationship ASAP. I feel for you, and I feel awful for the girl, but these parents are not the sort of people you'll want as in-laws.

Man that is a crap answer. Love is rare (and this is assuming he loves the girl and will marry her). Finding someone that you really can spend the rest of your life with is rare. . IF they are really fucked up you've got to make sure you and the GF are on the same page about what role they will play long term, but in a real relationship there are problems. Fucked up parents might be one of them.
post #41 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by sonick View Post
I would be lying if I said I didn't think this was not at all ethnocentric, but you do have a point that the general concern is when you boil it down IS my gf gets less money than her brother.

However, from the traditional asian family values perspective, this support is pretty much expected, even if it is perhaps seen as being spoiled from the point of view of a north american/caucasian family values point of view where a kid is pretty much out to fend for themselves after they turn 18.

So it does make sense you don't understand it, because... you really don't. But I don't feel the complaint or my just my frustration of the situation is unjustified.

One point you have to realize is that it is completely different between a first born son and a younger daughter. The daughter is GIVEN AWAY anyway, so there is not much at stake for the family. The first born son takes over as the leader of the family, so there is a lot at stake. Your GF`s family is spoiling him for this reason, so it useless to compare the financial support between the brother and GF.

Although there may be some genuine fear for her safety, the reason the mother told your GF to feel free to move out is for the above reason as well. She is a daughter that will be GIVEN AWAY anyway, so if she is complaining so much about the first born, feel free to get the hell out (very simplified, but basically that is the option given to her) is what her parents are saying.

Finally, I don`t think it`s realistic to think that your GF will severe ties with her family. Since you are not just talking about an Asian girl, but a Filipino girl, your idea that she should severe ties with her family would probably sound like a funny joke if you told other people that knew Filipinos.
post #42 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by acidicboy View Post
Oooh. This is far more complicated than it seems. First, Filipinos are very, very attached to their family, and unless your gf expresses her intention to cut ties with her family, or move out of state, then she's pretty much stuck with them. One thing I've observed though, that "oldest son" schtick doesn't hold in the Filipino culture like it does with the Chinese/Japanese/Korean setting. From where I stand its just that typical spoiled like shit brat all grown up and now he knows how to push the buttons with regard to his parents who are obviously suffering from some form of "battered wife syndrome" but on a parent-child relationship.

Thing is, if your gf isn't sure yet of how to deal with her family, chances are she'll probably stick it out with them. What you can do then is probably pour sand inside the Prelude's gas tank.

Problem with many filipino families is that they treat the oldest son like a king. It's freakin' ridiculous. They can be 30 years old and they are still paying for all his shit - car, insurance, place to live, giving him an allowance, even if he makes his own money, and good money at that, as this situation illustrates. I don't think there is anything wrong with a family offering help at this age or older when help is needed, or circumstances warrant it, and the family is in a financial position to do so, but there comes a point where the hand holding and hand feeding has to stop. Obviously, more culpable is the son who either expects this or gladly takes.

My suggestion stands, this dude needs to get his ass kicked pretty badly. A nice long hospital stay would probably do some good in giving him time to think.
post #43 of 57
while I agree certain people need their asses kicked in life, I really don't advise kicking asses like there are no repercussions. if the OP says he fears for his gf's safety, what makes you think his gf's brother wouldn't kick the OP's ass? he did say that this guy threw dishes at his own mother right? he tried to beat someone with a lead pipe? I'm not saying that the OP should be afraid of this guy but does he really want the hassle? who has more to lose? can you win a fight against someone who doesn't have much to lose? while the thought of putting this guy in the hospital sounds neat, think about the next few years you have to spend going in and out of courtrooms defending against an assault and battery charge. nevermind the 10Gz you have to pay to your lawyer (that buys a bunch of nice suits).
post #44 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nahmeanz View Post
while I agree certain people need their asses kicked in life, I really don't advise kicking asses like there are no repercussions. if the OP says he fears for his gf's safety, what makes you think his gf's brother wouldn't kick the OP's ass? he did say that this guy threw dishes at his own mother right? he tried to beat someone with a lead pipe? I'm not saying that the OP should be afraid of this guy but does he really want the hassle? who has more to lose? can you win a fight against someone who doesn't have much to lose? while the thought of putting this guy in the hospital sounds neat, think about the next few years you have to spend going in and out of courtrooms defending against an assault and battery charge. nevermind the 10Gz you have to pay to your lawyer (that buys a bunch of nice suits).

you're taking it too literally.
post #45 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by teddieriley View Post
you're taking it too literally.

haha well the guy asked for advice, and I think 10 people suggested kicking the brother's ass.
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