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The Dating Thread

post #1 of 22
7/12/08 at 2:37pm
Thread Starter 
Last year, I got out of my first serious relationship of the three years. Although the girl was great, I have to be honest and say the relationship was at times a disaster and emotionally draining. Looking back, I don't know how I survived those three years. I am a young guy in college (commuting) and I want to start dating again, but honestly it all seems like a tedious game. I'm generally a nice guy, and honestly I feel like i keep getting burned because of it. My friends tell me to just "be a dick," but I can't do that and I'm not one to play stupid games in a relationship. I met a few girls here and there, but due to certain circumstances, things never really worked out. Men, and the few women, of Styleforum, lend me your pearls of wisdom.
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post #2 of 22
7/12/08 at 2:59pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhoKnewI View Post
Last year, I got out of my first serious relationship of the three years. Although the girl was great, I have to be honest and say the relationship was at times a disaster and emotionally draining. Looking back, I don't know how I survived those three years. I am a young guy in college (commuting) and I want to start dating again, but honestly it all seems like a tedious game.

I'm generally a nice guy, and honestly I feel like i keep getting burned because of it. My friends tell me to just "be a dick," but I can't do that and I'm not one to play stupid games in a relationship. I met a few girls here and there, but due to certain circumstances, things never really worked out. Men, and the few women, of Styleforum, lend me your pearls of wisdom.
There's 3 Ps that matter in life. Power, pride, and pussy. The first two are more important than the latter, this new mindset is just what a "nice guy" needs. You don't HAVE to be an asshole, think of that as the quick way like steroids.
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post #3 of 22
7/12/08 at 3:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by TyCooN View Post
There's 3 Ps that matter in life. Power, pride, and pussy. The first two are more important than the latter, this new mindset is just what a "nice guy" needs. You don't HAVE to be an asshole, think of that as the quick way like steroids.

I'm not sure I agree with this but it does make some sense.
Another way to look at it:
When you see something you want go after it.
The fastest route is usually a straight line.
This applies to most things in life.
Just don't waste time.
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post #4 of 22
7/12/08 at 4:31pm
Take time for yourself and enjoy life on your own. Get to the point where you know you have a lot to offer before you start dating again. Then date because it's fun, not because you're looking for a girl friend. If you can do this, you won't need to be a "dick", you simply won't waste your time on women who won't give you what you need from a relationship, be it pussy or anything else. It'll also free you to ask more or less directly for what you want.
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post #5 of 22
7/13/08 at 2:15am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinman View Post
Take time for yourself and enjoy life on your own. Get to the point where you know you have a lot to offer before you start dating again. Then date because it's fun, not because you're looking for a girl friend. If you can do this, you won't need to be a "dick", you simply won't waste your time on women who won't give you what you need from a relationship, be it pussy or anything else. It'll also free you to ask more or less directly for what you want.

Thanks. That's probably the best advice I've gotten from anyone in a while. Yeah, I think I'd be better off on my own for a while. I need to figure out what it is I'm looking for and I should just go have some fun.
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post #6 of 22
7/13/08 at 6:35am
yeh just have fun and remember that girls are playing the game as well so you gotta lift your game, doesn't necessarily mean being a dick but it also doesn't mean taking their shit.
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post #7 of 22
7/13/08 at 2:03pm
I am new to the game as well. Its all bullshit. Just exude confidence and be a smart ass half the time. Never just keep coming with compliments, mix it in with assholish-ness. I tried being the nice guy for about a year and that shit will get you nowhere. But confidence is the most important thing to have.
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post #8 of 22
7/13/08 at 2:42pm
Maybe this will help. . . http://www.styleforum.net/showthread.php?t=71118
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post #9 of 22
7/14/08 at 12:57am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by dsholmes1 View Post
I am new to the game as well. Its all bullshit. Just exude confidence and be a smart ass half the time. Never just keep coming with compliments, mix it in with assholish-ness. I tried being the nice guy for about a year and that shit will get you nowhere. But confidence is the most important thing to have.

I'm just naturally a nice guy. I can't just "be an asshole." it doesn't feel right to me. It's ridiculous that girls respond to that sort of thing.
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post #10 of 22
7/14/08 at 1:18am
Girls dont like assholes anymore than anyone does. They are just willing to put up with douchelike behavior because its so often paired with the assertive confidence they are starving for. Being a nice guy is a big plus, just know the difference between being nice and emotional neediness or manipulation. The smell of desperation sickens them.
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post #11 of 22
7/14/08 at 11:00am
Know who you are and what you want... Have a firm understanding of your needs, wants and desires.

Once you definitively know that, you won't have to be a dick, or play the contrived, inane games... your knowledge will be reflected as confidence.. and whatever you do..

Do not compromise who you are or what you need !
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post #12 of 22
7/14/08 at 11:58am
Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasLidig8r View Post
Know who you are and what you want... Have a firm understanding of your needs, wants and desires.

Once you definitively know that, you won't have to be a dick, or play the contrived, inane games... your knowledge will be reflected as confidence.. and whatever you do..

Do not compromise who you are or what you need !

+ 1

Once you know yourself very well, you won't settle for less, and hence, won't come off as being needy.
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post #13 of 22
7/14/08 at 3:39pm
What if what you want/need/like directly conflicts with your partners in some cases
aka what you love hurts them
and what they love hurts you
about the exact same thing

but you are compatabile in every other way
how do you compromise that situation?
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post #14 of 22
7/14/08 at 3:42pm
Girls want nice guys, well the girls I could love would. But no one likes an overly shy person.
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post #15 of 22
7/14/08 at 3:43pm
All that being a dick/ asshole/smartass will get you is an unconfident, fucked up chick. If all you want is a piece, I guess that'd be fine. If you want something more permanent, be yourself.
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