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Is my outfit funeral appropriate? - Page 2

post #16 of 21
Having just gone through this myself (and I was among the principle bereaved), I can honestly say that your extra effort to look appropriate will be greatly appreciated by the grieving family.

As an update for those who remember my post about the stroller, I forwent it. My uncle's health worsened quickly, and there was cetainly no time to be frittered measuring, cutting, and tailoring garments -- as much as I think it would have been an honor to him for me to have it. I wore the standard: my black two-button SB suit, white broadcloth shirt, solid black tie, white square, and black captoe oxfords.

I am not saying that the O/P ought to be so rigid, but as someone who was in the receiving line at the viewing, I noticed (and, suprisingly, the other six family members in the line later voiced what I was thinking, without my having said a word about it) the people who were dressed inappropriately -- e.g., jeans, light colored suits, Hawaiian shirts, cargo pants, hats, sneakers. Many of these are people who were very close with the deceased.

This is just something to consider from the other side of the fence when attending wakes and services. Please note that my family is not like me often when it comes to dressing (they dress very casually normally, which is fine), but they knew formality there. No one was looking for sartorial qualities, believe me, but it comes off as offensive when someone who attends is inappropriately dressed.

To address your specific attire, I would not wear that tie or brown shoes. Light grey is not something I personally would wear, but I don't see why it would be that much of a problem, and no one else here seems to think so either. As others have said, you will be above and beyond the norm anyway, but you might as well make it right.

By the way, don't Jews generally only have closed caskets? I seem to remember this for some reason.
post #17 of 21
I'd say anything dark is better than the purple tie, just in case someone is looking for something to get slightly annoyed with, better safe than sorry with a dark tie and dark shoes.

Jews do always have closed-casket funerals because they believe you should remember the deceased as they were whilst alive, rather than lying dead...I was raised Jewish but now practice Apathy

Sorry for your loss regardless....


A slightly depressing first post for me
post #18 of 21
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the condolences. I wasn't close to the guy, but it's always sad when someone you know of passes away.

I ended u wearing my midnight blue tie and black shoes. I'm glad I did, I felt more comfortable.

It was a close casket, so I couldn't throw one of my business cards into the coffin.
post #19 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by CharlesAlexander View Post
Thanks for the condolences. I wasn't close to the guy, but it's always sad when someone you know of passes away.

I ended u wearing my midnight blue tie and black shoes. I'm glad I did, I felt more comfortable.

It was a close casket, so I couldn't throw one of my business cards into the coffin.


No, give the card the funeral director; whatever he buys from you, he'll sell at a 90% markup, as with everything else s/he peddles to the family in their hour of grief.

"... and lest you worry about your loved one being sent into eternity improperly accessorized, we have a lovely selection of very tasteful Charles Alexander ties to select from; you may want to choose one that coordinates with the lining of the casket you've chosen..."
post #20 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Manton View Post
For me it's always a dark gray suit, white shirt, black tie, and black shoes.

+1
post #21 of 21
I am not familiar with this practice of placing one's business card in the coffin.

Is this like the glass bowl full of business cards at the lunch counter, whence one is intermittently drawn and its owner awarded a free lunch? Only the lottery is for the soul?
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