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Hating your significant other's friends...

post #1 of 22
6/23/08 at 12:59am
Thread Starter 
How do you deal with it? Not all of them, but certain ones. For instance, my fiancee had her wedding shower recently. In all the planning her "best friend" was rude to, and tried to exclude my mother. Plus she always tries to throw me under the bus in some way when my fiancee doesn't see it. Now tomorrow my fiancee invited her over to the apartment to help her put away all her gifts, which means no doubt at some point I will have to intercept her. I don't want to cause trouble with my girlfriend because i know they are really good friends, but I REALLY dislike this person. How do you guys deal with stuff like this?
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post #2 of 22
6/23/08 at 1:41am
I solved it by dragging the friend aside and flat out saying "i know you don't like me and I sure as hell don't like you- but let's try to be pleasant for her sake."

And everything has been ginger since. We still don't like one another, but we do make sure to respect one anothers position.
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post #3 of 22
6/23/08 at 1:47am
I just simply do my best to avoid them. I'm also always cordial to them. I will never let it be said that I started something...although I sure as shit might finish something.
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post #4 of 22
6/23/08 at 2:21am
I wouldn't tolerate any kind of BS psycho chick treatment from my gf's friends. I got just a sniff of that from one girl a few months ago - the next time I saw her I froze her out, hard. She recognized that she was the one that had to make nice if she wanted to salvage her friendship with my gf and she went out of her way to make amends. For one thing (assuming that you're blameless as you describe), if your girl doesn't have your back, she isn't worth keeping. That simplifies things right away. So draw your line in the sand and be confident that the friend will either recognize that she has to toe the line or she's out, or that you'll be freed from a bad pending marriage if your girl tries to take the friend's side.
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post #5 of 22
6/23/08 at 2:29am
I get along so much better with my gf's sister since I stopped trying to be nice to her. I was failing all of her shit-tests with politeness and coming off like a loser for it. So I changed my mind and started being a prick right back. She tosses a barb at me now, I toss 15 meters of barbed wire back at her. She then calls me 'danh da' (means always have to have the last word), then giggles, shuts up and seems to like me more for it.
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post #6 of 22
6/23/08 at 2:35am
The girl's friends are jealous, that's all. In weird way, it's a compliment; they care enough about the other person to fight you for her attention. You said you are getting married ... this problem will solve itself. No worries
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post #7 of 22
6/23/08 at 3:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Conrad View Post
I solved it by dragging the friend aside and flat out saying "i know you don't like me and I sure as hell don't like you- but let's try to be pleasant for her sake."

And everything has been ginger since. We still don't like one another, but we do make sure to respect one anothers position.

Yeah.... before committing to something like that and her responding "I don't hate you!", I'd consider pulling her aside and asking her if she's got a problem with you, ie first figure out if it's your imagination. If she's overly defensive then yeah there's a problem.

Choice a - give her her own medicine, maybe just ignore her and give her attitude right back but pretend like you're just joking
b - put up with it
c - mention it to the girlfriend (assume she'll tell her friend) and the girls will deal with it on their own
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post #8 of 22
6/23/08 at 4:05pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Master-Classter View Post
c - mention it to the girlfriend (assume she'll tell her friend) and the girls will deal with it on their own

I think that's an assumption we can all take to the bank.
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post #9 of 22
6/23/08 at 4:21pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Master-Classter View Post
c - mention it to the girlfriend (assume she'll tell her friend) and the girls will deal with it on their own

Wisdom
If your girlfriend is not the type to tell, then tell a friend of the friend. A lot of problems with women are best delt with from proxy.

Don't take any shit from her. There is nothing more emasculative than a man being talked down to in his own home by an outsider.
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post #10 of 22
6/23/08 at 6:33pm
No one has the right to treat your mother like that. While you can't let the friend ruin your relationship with your fiancee, you HAVE to at the very beginning establish your own rules and regulations as to her importance and relevance in your soon to be family. Make sure your fiancee, the eventual wife, knows how you feel in concrete and unambiguous details. When it comes to women, I've stopped sipping the champagne of illusion that I can change them or that they would learn to accommodate my needs. You're lucky that it's just her best friend. I can't imagine how I'd deal with a very close in-law.
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post #11 of 22
6/23/08 at 7:47pm
I would be consistently polite to the obnoxious friend. Don't lower your behavior to her level. TYour wife is marrying you, not the obnoxious friend.

Re the mother-in-law situation: I would discuss this with my future wife and indicate that, much as I know that wife and mother-in-law relationships are said to be fraught, you would like to start off on a good foot and that you'd appreciate your wife communicating that to her friends. After all, if they don't start off on a good foot, degeneration is the most likely outcome. And not all of us have to live out the myths of family jealousy.

Bottom line: My guess is that your wife's friend is just an obnoxious, jealous (of you and of your wife's partnership with you), and insufficiently self-aware person. If she can't accept the marriage, your wife will drop her. Thus the problem will solve itself. Just be patient.
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post #12 of 22
6/23/08 at 7:55pm
Tell her you win, as your fiancee has rejected the single life with her girlfriends, to pursue married life with you. Tell her she needs to be a good loser and treat you and your mother politely. If this fails, tell your fiancee that you didn't want to say anything, but her friend tried to give you a BJ while planning for the shower, and you no longer want to be around that friend.
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post #13 of 22
6/24/08 at 5:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piobaire View Post
Tell her you win, as your fiancee has rejected the single life with her girlfriends, to pursue married life with you. Tell her she needs to be a good loser and treat you and your mother politely. If this fails, tell your fiancee that you didn't want to say anything, but her friend tried to give you a BJ while planning for the shower, and you no longer want to be around that friend.

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post #14 of 22
6/24/08 at 5:53pm
they all wanna eat your cock
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post #15 of 22
6/24/08 at 6:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piobaire View Post
Tell her you win, as your fiancee has rejected the single life with her girlfriends, to pursue married life with you. Tell her she needs to be a good loser and treat you and your mother politely. If this fails, tell your fiancee that you didn't want to say anything, but her friend tried to give you a BJ while planning for the shower, and you no longer want to be around that friend.
Better yet: Just "let slip" to your fiancée that you can't help but fancy her friend slightly (if this is at all believable). This should preferably just be a remark in passing, while talking about other stuff. If no reaction from fiancée, repeat until pissy reaction from same. Then go all aggressive/defensive, stating "I just came to mention it because of..., it's nothing, just forget that I mentioned it". This will develop into a slight quarrel, which will result in the friend being dropped or at least kept away from you. Success.
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