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How to politely discuss a FAULT in your S.O.? - Page 4

post #46 of 68
This thread would be way more entertaining if you ignored all advice given, called her 'Chubs', told her that the only way to keep you is to put down the fork, video-ed the response, and posted. Therefore, everyone above is wrong and I am right. Purely for your convenience, please note that J recently added the ability to post youtube clips. I look forward to the result.
post #47 of 68
Basically to live a healthy lifestyle is not a month long process it is how you go about thinking things all the time, if you don't have the mindset for a healthy lifestyle, or in this case your S.O. she will never be able to be thin...

Personally I get frustrated if I havn't exercised all week, if I have not ate healthy for more than a day or so... If I am not outside doing some sort of physical activity, etc etc...

I choose salad for lunch or a turkey sandwich, compared to bigger folks I see going straight to the bacon burger and fries... it needs to be a complete lifestyle change for her, otherwise it will never work, and you will never see those rolls come off...

Worse off, if all those rolls do come off, and she realizes she is looking good or something, she may leave you to go further up the ladder
post #48 of 68
Thread Starter 
This is her, I'll see if I can get a better pic to show, ya know, the rest of her
LL
post #49 of 68
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piobaire View Post
Unless she's the type of woman who is completely subjugated by you, it is an automatic fail conversation. It's why initial choice is so important in a long term relationship.

For emphasis.
post #50 of 68
IMO, you need to man up and decide what is important to you. You have a great connection with this girl except for one thing, her size. You need to decide if that's a deal-breaker for you. If it is, then move on ASAP; if it isn't, never speak with her about it directly unless she brings it up (and then only talk in positive terms about what to do to be healthy), but adopt a healthy lifestyle and invite her to participate. Recognize that her size may never change for the better (see globetrotter's 3 options). I've written it before and I'll do it again: Not being in a relationship is better than being in a bad relationship or even the wrong relationship. If you stay in a relationship that you know is not going to work out, just because of your insecurities, Ms. Right may walk on past while you're dicking around, accepting less than what you need/want.
post #51 of 68
Quote:
Originally Posted by longskate88 View Post
This is her, I'll see if I can get a better pic to show, ya know, the rest of her
Now, start praying that she'll never see this thread.
post #52 of 68
Sometimes you have to work for what you want. Helping each other out is a big part of a relationship (in this case, you should help her out with her weight).

If you decide to move on or quit everytime you don`t like something, you are never going to get what you want.
post #53 of 68
Quote:
Originally Posted by longskate88 View Post
...The fact is, everything about her is the perfect fit for me, expect the weight issue...
Jeepers. You're as shallow as Dakota Rube!

Quote:
Originally Posted by longskate88 View Post
There may also be other issues complicating the sex that I didn't take into account. Condoms, for one (didn't need one with the old GF) and another minor physical difference in her vs. the old GF. She's got her positives though too, I just need to focus on those.
These seem to be very odd things to note, or post; or both.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragon View Post
Sometimes you have to work for what you want. Helping each other out is a big part of a relationship (in this case, you should help her out with her weight).

These are good words; follow his advice.
post #54 of 68
Quote:
Originally Posted by longskate88 View Post
This is her, I'll see if I can get a better pic to show, ya know, the rest of her
Posting pictures of your girlfrend online for people to criticize is really distasteful.
post #55 of 68
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by HomerJ View Post
Posting pictures of your girlfrend online for people to criticize is really distasteful.
So you're saying I should print out this discussion instead? Could work...
post #56 of 68
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dakota rube View Post

These are good words; follow his advice.

It's good advice for things that aren't based on a genetic predisposition. Some people have metabolisms that make it easier to pack on the pounds. They can fight it, but it's like fighting against the tide in some cases. There's a girl at my office that has been working out multiple times a week for a couple years now. She has lost a LOT of weight, I've heard 100lbs, but she still has a lot to go. As soon as she stops working out, because of kids or whatever, the improvement will be eradicated.

Lets say the OP convinces her to go to the gym every day... If she's not doing that already (lack of interest/willpower), as soon as she gets busy she's gonna use that as an excuse to stop going and the weight will come back. That is why I have a zero-tolerance attitude to chubbiness and bad eating habits. Chubby or "thick" turns into fat a few years down the road, and bad eating habits and general laziness are is like ticking time-bombs.
post #57 of 68
When you care about someone, truly care, you will not hesitate to help them improve.

Notice how caring parents act. They constantly push you to become better and hold high expectations of you.

Your significant other should become part of your life and part of your family. When they get sick, you don't abandon them do you? No, you make soup, bring them covers and nurse them back to health.

How is their weight any different? If you care about the person, you don't want to see them harm their health and give up caring about their appearence. People who give up on themselves usually do so out of depression. It's pretty neglectful behaviour on your part to allow them to do that to themselves.

Women especially need to be reminded that they are or can be beautiful. Many marriages fail because people "let themselves go" after marriage / having a child.

Real relationships always have honesty as part of their foundation. If you don't have that, then her weight is the least of your problems.


HOWEVER, honest does not have to be mean or rude. No need to call her Jabba the Hut. Tell her that losing 5-10 lbs would be a good idea healthwise and reassure her that you think she's beautiful.

And very few people actually think they're attractive when they're overweight. So, she probably isn't very happy (even if she pretends to be), but she just doesn't know where to start.

Believe me, when a woman starts thinking that she isn't attractive, sex life starts to die. Which then only promotes her thoughts as she doesn't feel desired.
post #58 of 68
I'd hit that.

Hell, I wouldnt even charge.
post #59 of 68
Quote:
Originally Posted by longskate88 View Post
This is her, I'll see if I can get a better pic to show, ya know, the rest of her

Oh no you di'int!

If you have a gym membership then invite her out to join you. She won't take it as an insult if you suggest it being fun and you would appreciate the company. If you don't have one then get one and suggest you go together as motivation for eachother. If she says "no" then at least you have a reason to ask why not and lead subtly into the dreaded conversation.
post #60 of 68
a) You're 21 (like me) so I'd worry less and try to f*** more. b) Why do people bring up questions that relate to long-term relationships at this age? Hell, I know people I went to school with in the US that have kids by now??? Get out there and have some fun- you won't find your soulmate right now. c) Looking at the first picture I thought: yuck. In the actual picture of her I have to say that she looks, if not hot, like a nice and fairly attractive woman. It's just who she is, many girls with hispanic genes are a little chubby. Take it or leave it. Won't change. That's just her natural body type and she'll always go back to that at some point. Gym is nice and all but she won't look like Jessica Alba however hard she may try.
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