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How to politely discuss a FAULT in your S.O.?

post #1 of 68
6/8/08 at 5:34am
Thread Starter 
Those in relationships, how do you bring up a conversation about your mate's (somewhat physical) shortcomings? For example, they may have gained weight, lost some hygiene habits, etc.

I recently met a girl who is GREAT except that she's a little overweight. By a little, I mean more than "thick." Anyways, is there any polite, respectful way to ask her if she plans to do anything about it, how she views herself, etc? Call me shallow, but I'm actually looking for the fact that she is motivated, and recognizes it would be healthy to lose weight (or not, if that's how she feels).

She's actually slowly losing weight, so the other night I asked "Is that on purpose?" I didn't get much of a quality response, just that it was partially on purpose and partially not.

Thanks Guys!
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post #2 of 68
6/8/08 at 5:56am
Buy a funhouse mirror.
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post #3 of 68
6/8/08 at 6:41am
Yeah um good luck with the making her lose weight thing.
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post #4 of 68
6/8/08 at 6:54am
Ah, the topic women are usually least secure about, very loaded topic. It may become something positive for you both, such as using as time to go to the gym togeather (even if you both are doing different activities). However, I've never found a better method than a honest, and straight forward request. Then hope for the best... Time and wording are key. If someone has a more foolproof method I'd be interested in hearing it.
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post #5 of 68
6/8/08 at 7:11am
Good luck....
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post #6 of 68
6/8/08 at 12:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by longskate88 View Post
Those in relationships, how do you bring up a conversation about your mate's (somewhat physical) shortcomings? For example, they may have gained weight, lost some hygiene habits, etc.

I recently met a girl who is GREAT except that she's a little overweight. By a little, I mean more than "thick." Anyways, is there any polite, respectful way to ask her if she plans to do anything about it, how she views herself, etc? Call me shallow, but I'm actually looking for the fact that she is motivated, and recognizes it would be healthy to lose weight (or not, if that's how she feels).

She's actually slowly losing weight, so the other night I asked "Is that on purpose?" I didn't get much of a quality response, just that it was partially on purpose and partially not.

Thanks Guys!

You could make it a "couples" thing, like try training for a marathon together, trying to eat healthier foods together or something like that. That might help her lose some weight, but it's still not going to get at if she is motivated to do so.
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post #7 of 68
6/8/08 at 1:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by longskate88 View Post
Those in relationships, how do you bring up a conversation about your mate's (somewhat physical) shortcomings? For example, they may have gained weight, lost some hygiene habits, etc.

Unless she's the type of woman who is completely subjugated by you, it is an automatic fail conversation. It's why initial choice is so important in a long term relationship.
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post #8 of 68
6/8/08 at 1:22pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by longskate88 View Post

She's actually slowly losing weight, so the other night I asked "Is that on purpose?" I didn't get much of a quality response, just that it was partially on purpose and partially not.

That's hilarious! I only laugh because I've made similar mistakes too often.

Do you go to the gym and eat healthy? Just lead by example and she is more likely to follow.
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post #9 of 68
6/8/08 at 1:37pm
There is no polite way to broach the subject in any way that will be viewed as constructive. IMO, the only way to encourage her to become more healthy is to invite her along with you for active outings like hikes, the gym, etc. Hopefully, you'll find something you both enjoy. Unless she sees a need to adopt a healthy lifestyle, you can't enforce one. And even with regular exercise and healthy eating, her metabolism may not allow her to drop much weight.

If this is a deal-breaker for you, as it is for me, move on. She is who she is.
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post #10 of 68
6/8/08 at 1:43pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks guys. Unfortunately(?) I don't have to work out to stay thin. Maybe we'll start hiking or just walking at night. Alchohol is probably the worst thing she consumes...especially margaritas, and other fruity mixed drinks that are loaded with calories. I think I may stop ordering said drinks when we go out to eat or party, and she if she notices. Any other advice is much appreciated! Having seen her Mom, she's decently cute, though still overweight. Not sloppily, but she wouldn't be called thin...
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post #11 of 68
6/8/08 at 1:50pm
Good luck. Hopefully you are both good at the art of communication and have a solid relationship or you're going to play with some serious fire.

Me and my lovely bride to be have discussed this very issue. Now mind you neither one of us are overweight at all. Since we are older it is more an issue of muscle tone more than anything else. When I brought this up it was along the lines of we both could use the exercise. That way there was no finger pointing. Instead it was a matter of pointing out something we could do together to better our general health and appearance.

Again good luck......
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post #12 of 68
6/8/08 at 1:52pm
Here a suggestion for you:

You are shallow, you are fixated by weight, and despite the girl being "cute", the weight issue will always bother you.

There is nothing wrong with being shallow and superficial, as long as you realize it.

It's a completely futile effort to try to "suggest" that somebody lose weight. She is going to be chubby. Her mom's shape is a good reflection of her eventual weight.

Move on, find a cute and skinny one.
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post #13 of 68
6/8/08 at 1:57pm
You could always become a baller and buy her a personal trainer. Baller wives all need personal trainers like they need Louis Vuitton bags and Tiffany jewelry.
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post #14 of 68
6/8/08 at 2:01pm
You RECENTLY met this girl, so she was already chubby when you started liking her, right? If it`s not like she was thin when you met, she could have been chubby most of her life (like the majority of girls).
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post #15 of 68
6/8/08 at 2:02pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks, and you're right that I like a thin girl. Now, at the same time, I know: 1) The skinny girl might not always be skinny. 2) It's summer here in SoCal, meaning all you see everyday is PERFECT bodies. I have two options right now, I can get back with the Ex (great body, though naive as all get out and we have little in common) or stick with the chubby girl (We have a LOT in common, same taste and lifestyle, same everyday living habits, meaning it would be easy to live together, we laugh more, NO NEED FOR KIDS RIGHT NOW, etc....) I'd love to have an option 3, the skinny girl who my abrasive personailty gets along with...but I"m not sure if they exist, or If I'm good enough to snag one ; )
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