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Dealing with death?

post #1 of 37
5/15/08 at 12:30am
Thread Starter 
My brother recently passed away and I'm going through a very rough patch right now - anyone go through a similar experience? Any pearls of wisdom?
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post #2 of 37
5/15/08 at 12:47am
sorry to hear that. best advice i could give you is just deal with the emotions and dont try and "be strong" etc. think of the good times, and remember in the end time heals all wounds. (mostly)
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post #3 of 37
5/15/08 at 1:05am
Tough subject... I lost my mother in late March to cancer and I'm in my mid-20s. Cliches in this setting exist for a reason...some because they are all that people can think of to tell you when mourning and others because they are good advice. My father and I both try to focus on what she would want us to do... Don't hesitate to get help/talk to people. The hardest part of all of this for me has been more about how she suffered and died "prematurely", and it takes a lot of time to overcome those memories/emotions since they are so fresh. Best of luck to you and your family.
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post #4 of 37
5/15/08 at 1:11am
I'm sorry for your loss as well. My condolences.

I agree with the the top two posters. Talk about it and don't bottle your feelings/thoughts in. You're not alone in this.
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post #5 of 37
5/15/08 at 1:41am
I lost my mother at seventeen after she'd had cancer for four years (after an 11 year remission), and it sucks. Definitely do not hold it in. I still cry for her sometimes. But the truth is that time doesn't make it any easier, it just makes the bad times much further apart. And the other truth is that you wouldn't want to ever be sanguine about the loss of one you love -- your pain is a reflection of that love, and is, in that sense, a noble emotion.If you loved him and he loved you then he had one of the highest aims in life fulfilled, and you honor him. ~ Huntsman
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post #6 of 37
5/15/08 at 1:42am
The only thing I can say is that whatever you feel is okay to feel. Even if it's anger at the person.
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post #7 of 37
5/15/08 at 1:56am
Thread Starter 
I've found myself going through alot of emotions and I've shed many, many tears but it doesn't seem to be getting better. I'm 25 and my brother was only 22. The guy was with me for almost my entire life and was meant to be there for much longer - I think thats the worst part.

I dunno....somthings I just look skyward and ask why...
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post #8 of 37
5/15/08 at 2:02am
if you dont mind me asking, what happened?
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post #9 of 37
5/15/08 at 2:04am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huntsman View Post
I lost my mother at seventeen after she'd had cancer for four years (after an 11 year remission), and it sucks. Definitely do not hold it in. I still cry for her sometimes. But the truth is that time doesn't make it any easier, it just makes the bad times much further apart. And the other truth is that you wouldn't want to ever be sanguine about the loss of one you love -- your pain is a reflection of that love, and is, in that sense, a noble emotion.If you loved him and he loved you then he had one of the highest aims in life fulfilled, and you honor him.

~ Huntsman

I couldn't agree more.
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post #10 of 37
5/15/08 at 2:22am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by West24 View Post
if you dont mind me asking, what happened?

Unfortunately, he took his own life. It was a case of depression which went completely under the radar.
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post #11 of 37
5/15/08 at 2:54am
There is no answer to your question. Death in the family is a painful loss, and no matter what anyone says, your grieving will only get better in time. I offer my condolences to you and your family.
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post #12 of 37
5/15/08 at 3:05am
My dad passed away about 2 years ago and I miss him nearly every day. At first I didn't know what to do but time makes it a little better. I try and laugh at something funny he did or something we did side by side. I still cry here and there as I miss him, his wisdom and his trust in that I would figure out the right thing one day.

Like everyone else says don't bottle it up, go out and share. Talk and joke. My mum and I talk at length about his "handy" work around the house and when I stepped on his glasses as a young boy(thought I was going to see my maker that day). Most of all think of the good times because anyother ones are not that important. One day you will have kids running around and thier uncle should be a bright spot.

Best of luck.
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post #13 of 37
5/15/08 at 3:32am
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that. I had a friend in college take his own life. Both us (his friends) and his family looked very hard for a "why" or any signs that were missed. He was by all accounts a happy and outgoing person. He left no notes or communication to anyone, nor did he have any obvious motive to do so. However, going through is personal effects we discovered he had been planning it for some time, since he had bought several items that could only serve one purpose...He had apparently attempted several times in the days preceding and had hidden it from everyone, until one night he said he was going out for a walk and jumped off the parking garage 2 blocks away a few minutes later.

It's often said that people who actually do go through with taking their own lives could never have been stopped, and those who are "saved" are seeking help from others and never intended to carry it to completion in the first place. In the end, I view serious depression no differently than any other illness, and I'm terribly sorry that it struck your family.
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post #14 of 37
5/15/08 at 3:47am
Sorry to hear. Grieving is a normal process that we have to go through. When this happened to me, I tried to work harder and tried to accomplish something that would make the person proud of. Is there something you want to do for you or your bro? Keep yourself busy and make sure you talk to friends, etc.
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post #15 of 37
5/15/08 at 6:53am
My condolences, am sorry to hear that. I lost my grandfather (dad's side) when I was around 10 and i still remember the last thing he said to me before he fell into a stroke and coma few days later - i was about to get on the subway but missed the car he told me "Next one" as he waved goodbye. Don't be afraid to cry or to spend some time reminiscing over your relationship with him, but i would not let the grief consume you for too long, as it sounds cliche but i am sure he would like to see you go back to normal mode and live happily ASAP. You gotta stay strong, at least for your parents and family if for nothing else. Perhaps a healthy solution would be to spend more time in the near future doing activities with your immediate family as they can give you the best support network and help you through this. Time does heal things like this, as someone mentioned above...so stay up, the light at the end of the tunnel will come eventually.
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