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Neckware for a tuxedo

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
New poster. Please be kind. I am getting married in July. It is a Saturday evening, black tie optional affair. As such, I am wearing a tuxedo, but I am still deciding what to wear around my neck. I happen to like the look of a tuxedo with a black vest and a silver drop tie as opposed to a bowtie. My fiancee likes it even more than me (she is not a bowtie fan). Here's my question: in ten years, will we look back at our pictures and regret this choice? Or is the drop tie with tuxedo look here to stay? (It seems to have persisted for a while now.) Thanks.
post #2 of 13
Quote:
Here's my question:  in ten years, will we look back at our pictures and regret this choice?  
Yes.
post #3 of 13
I, too, like the four-in-hand tie with a tux as opposed to the bowtie, though I would say it's a little more casual of a look. I'm getting married May 1 (a Saturday evening, but outside, which I think lowers the formality quotient) a plan to wear a black vest with a greyish/silverish silk brocade straight tie. I think the groom has more flexibility w/r/t what he wears than do guests -- when I attend black-tie weddings I always wear a bowties out of respect for the proceedings.
post #4 of 13
Quote:
My fiancee likes it even more than me (she is not a bowtie fan).
This should pretty much decide it, although personally, I like bowties at an evening wedding. As for the longevity of the four-in-hand look for formal occasions, it's possible that the look will become a staple. It's not particularly radical. I suspect that your haircut and eyewear will become outdated much more quickly than will your choice in neckwear.
post #5 of 13
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. If you like the look--and, more importantly, if she likes it--then go for it. Yes, it probably will look dated, but who cares? I love looking at my parents' and relatives' wedding photos from the '60s and '70s. Of course those white tuxes with the ruffled shirts and big collars look ridiculous, but damn it, those people had style. And face it, your kids are going to laugh at you anyway, so this is just giving them one more reason.
post #6 of 13
Groomtobe, welcome and congratulations oon your upcoming wedding. My favourite is the bow tie, a quality bow tie and not the rental versions, and so would pick it over the 4-in-hand. However, there have been times when my significant other made the recommendation, and so I did not wear a bow tie. However you decide, do not consider the fact that you will (and believe me, YOU WILL laugh at old pictures) find this a funny sight 10 years from now. Best of Luck. Classic
post #7 of 13
Quote:
I love looking at my parents' and relatives' wedding photos from the '60s and '70s. Of course those white tuxes with the ruffled shirts and big collars look ridiculous, but damn it, those people had style.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for articulating this so well. Honestly, "timeless" clothing is a chimera, although admittedly, some things will look dated next season, while certain others might look okay for another decade or so. However, take a look at so called "classic" suits from the forties, sixties and today, and you will see that the cuts and materials have changed noticieably even on the most conservative styles. The important thing is to live in the moment. If it looks good today, wear it; for tomorrow, we may be wearing lederhosen... and liking it.
post #8 of 13
Here's another suggestion:  I don't know what your plans may be, but I would urge you NOT to rent your dinner jacket or tailcoat, even if that's what your groomsmen are doing.  Take advantage of the groom's right to look a bit different and get your outfit tailored or made to measure from high-quality fabric.  (This might be a good time to mention that notch lapels on a tuxedo are an abomination on par with white shoes in January--stick to peak or shawl.)  Pair it with a real (non clip-on) tie and full-backed vest (if you're using one), and don't forget details like a functional lapel buttonhole (for the boutonniere), linen pocket square, and blacking for your shoe soles (esp. if you'll be kneeling).   If I sound adamant about this, it's because I got married in a rented white tie + tailcoat, and while the lousy board-stiff piece of junk Gingiss provided got me thru the wedding, I felt neither entirely comfortable nor especially elegant next to my bride in her beautiful Lazaro couture dress.  It wasn't until a year later that I got a nice 1-button peak SB dinner jacket tailored, and that experience really opened my eyes and made me wish I'd had it done for the wedding. If you go this route, it may push you toward a more classic style, which is also desirable if you don't want laughable photos in 10 years.  But whatever style you choose, make sure your outfit fits flawlessly and makes you feel like a million bucks so you can walk out there with confidence and concentrate on what's happening.  You do not want to be standing at the front of the church being jabbed by the metal buckles on your cheap vest and wondering why your rented tailcoat smells like the upholstery in the coach section of an ancient 747. Typically, few in the wedding business will be focused on stuff like this because it's supposedly "all about the bride," so I thought I'd mention it.
post #9 of 13
You said the lucky lady wasn't a fan of bowties, so stay away from what she doesn't like. As most have suggested, a four-in-hand will look fine -- especially with a vest.
post #10 of 13
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for your replies. I talked again with the fiancee about this last night, and she definitely would like me to wear the four-in-hand. Not only do I want to feel like a million buck on the big day, but I want her to think I look like a million bucks. So, I'll go with the four-in-hand. I will NOT be renting a tuxedo, but I'm also not sure that this is the first MTM item that I want to purchase. I'm building up to that, but, honestly, I don't have the opportunity to wear a tuxedo all that often and it'd be a lot of money to spend for limited wear (as important as that limited wear might be). Thanks again. Your replies are very helpful.
post #11 of 13
Just wear the dinner suit (tuxedo) out for dinner. You can buy several ties and cummerbunds or whatever and no one will notice that it's the same suit. Western society has almost lost the tradition of dressing for dinner, so since you own dinner clothes you have an option (or, as I like to say, 'obligation') to continue the tradition.
post #12 of 13
Quote:
Thank you all for your replies.  I talked again with the fiancee about this last night, and she definitely would like me to wear the four-in-hand.  Not only do I want to feel like a million buck on the big day, but I want her to think I look like a million bucks.  So, I'll go with the four-in-hand. I will NOT be renting a tuxedo, but I'm also not sure that this is the first MTM item that I want to purchase.  I'm building up to that, but, honestly, I don't have the opportunity to wear a tuxedo all that often and it'd be a lot of money to spend for limited wear (as important as that limited wear might be). Thanks again.  Your replies are very helpful.
If you are looking to buy an off the rack tuxedo at a decent price, I would suggest looking at Nordstrom Rack. I see tuxedos there at discount prices just about every time I've been to the store. Of course, if you don't have a Nordstrom Rack near you, then I guess that this isn't too helpful Congratulations on your wedding.
post #13 of 13
Quote:
Thank you all for your replies.  I talked again with the fiancee about this last night, and she definitely would like me to wear the four-in-hand.  Not only do I want to feel like a million buck on the big day, but I want her to think I look like a million bucks.  So, I'll go with the four-in-hand. I will NOT be renting a tuxedo, but I'm also not sure that this is the first MTM item that I want to purchase.  I'm building up to that, but, honestly, I don't have the opportunity to wear a tuxedo all that often and it'd be a lot of money to spend for limited wear (as important as that limited wear might be). Thanks again.  Your replies are very helpful.
Hey , congrats on the upcoming Big Day. Right off the bat it looks like you have the right idea... Its more important that a) She thinks you look great, and b) you realize that its important what she thinks.  This is what marriage is ALL ABOUT.  Its no longer Me, its WE... That being said I think that the importance of the photos and looking back and regretting is a little overrated.  Yes, you might look back at it but what happens then will just be fondly remembered either which way even if you wonder what got into you to wear THAT thing (whatever that thing might be).  I am personally married for close to 11 years and i dont often look at the album and when I do its not about what I wore, its about alot more than that. I agree with the idea NOT to do an MTM.  How often will you wear the thing afterwards?  (You kinda hope that this will be the ONLY time you are the GROOM at a wedding dont you?) Either way, best of luck and ENJOY yourself. JJF
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