Originally Posted by iammatt
Why is everybody so fixated on sex? If I really liked to play golf, and decided to play a hundred different courses in a year, that would be a lot of fun, and nobody would complain. Sex is fun, and it is neither dangerous nor immoral as long as you use protection. Did anybody ever stop to think that maybe the reason she had so much sex was that she liked the way it felt... physically? Sometimes sex is just sex, and it is a hell of a way to spend a couple of hours.
God knows I'm not in the tiecollector crowd on this one, but I think there's a middle ground here for some of us. Sex, for me, is more than golf, but less than the lifelong commitment of undying devotion that some of the posters in the thread seem to think it is.
Here's the best analogy I could come up with: I have had two different friends with whom I felt a pretty close bond very quickly (well, more than that, but only two where it went down like I'm about to describe). In both their cases, much of that feeling of closeness was because they opened up about some pretty intense and private personal stuff shortly after I met him/her (one was a woman, one was a man). They were easy to get along with, eager to share, and very open. The problem was, in both their cases, it turned out that this wasn't
because we had any sort of special bond or attachment. They were simply NOT very private people at all, and I'm a very private person. What I would have reserved for someone with whom I felt a lot of trust and a real connection, they would share with literally just about anyone if the mood took them.
If that works for them, then fine; it's certainly not my place to judge. But it's not what I'm looking for in a friend, and to be totally honest, I think that in both their cases it stemmed from some actual underlying problems that they had trouble addressing. It's one thing to occasionally tell your secrets to a fellow drunkard at the bar because you have no one to talk to and you don't want to burden someone; it's another to go around telling everyone you meet every little thing about you within the first hour of meeting them. What do you have left to share with the people who really matter
This is pretty much how I feel about sexual relationships. The number itself doesn't really matter, but at some point I want to feel like it means
something besides simply "she's horny and I am a living human male" if a girl decides to sleep with me. It's less about moral judgment and more about a fundamentally incompatible view of sexual relationships.
Again, this doesn't mean that I think sex has to be some deep, mystical connection or that it always "has to be about love" or some other bullshit like that; but I'd like it to mean something more than JUST momentary physical release. Ideally, it should be more than just masturbation +1, you know? For me, the idea that the other person so very readily shares with so many people creates a problematic imbalance in the relationship and indicates that the act itself doesn't mean the same thing to each of us.
My somewhat poorly-expressed $0.02... I just woke up and the coffee hasn't kicked in.