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how many partners is far too many? - Page 10

post #136 of 254
I'm selective in who I sleep with and in a "partner" I'd like the same.

Is that really wrong to want someone who has the same sort of views as me?
post #137 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by lost in va View Post
Yes, and at that ripe old age of 15 my views became the complete opp. of my family. Although I'm sure that's about par for the course.

My view on sex/partners/and relationships stems almost strictly from past relationships and the relationships of those close to me.


It definitely and unsurprisingly left a trace on your psyche that you should reflect on before you classify 95% of the US population as untrustworthy.

Matt: what can I say, if I was drunk I'd go on about how "dude, yourrrtg ttthe ooooonnnly one thattt underrrrsatand meeeeeeeeeeeee!!!"
post #138 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuuma View Post
some people here had too much wedgies and not enough BJs in their teenage years.

I'm getting that feeling, too. I don't begrudge someone from saying they don't want to get involved with someone that's had a very large number of sexual partners. If one is honest with oneself and knows he wouldn't be able to deal with it, fine. I don't understand the need for the conversation to spin out of control into armchair psychiatry. Or rather, I do understand. When I was a young guy and still intimidated by women, I was worried about my own lack of sexual experience, and how that might reflect on me. I was actually afraid of sex up to some point in my early 20's. I got over that fear by having a few long term girlfriends, then by having lots of casual sex after I was single again. All I hope for from most of the people here, especially the young ones, is to ease up on the blanket generalizations and proclamations on the intrinsic natures of women and men. There's a lot of life still to live and, hey, you might start getting laid still. Don't give up!
post #139 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by iammatt View Post
Why is everybody so fixated on sex? If I really liked to play golf, and decided to play a hundred different courses in a year, that would be a lot of fun, and nobody would complain. Sex is fun, and it is neither dangerous nor immoral as long as you use protection. Did anybody ever stop to think that maybe the reason she had so much sex was that she liked the way it felt... physically? Sometimes sex is just sex, and it is a hell of a way to spend a couple of hours.

You, sir, have a way with words.

Of course those who would complain the loudest about your promiscuity with golf courses would likely also be the ones who aren't swinging the sticks as often as they'd like.

And - there's nothing in the world wrong with being selective. I've turned it down in the past when it was offered, no regrets. But it's one thing to say - we choose differently. It's another matter to say - you have a problem.
post #140 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by iammatt View Post
Why is everybody so fixated on sex? If I really liked to play golf, and decided to play a hundred different courses in a year, that would be a lot of fun, and nobody would complain. Sex is fun, and it is neither dangerous nor immoral as long as you use protection. Did anybody ever stop to think that maybe the reason she had so much sex was that she liked the way it felt... physically? Sometimes sex is just sex, and it is a hell of a way to spend a couple of hours.

Well you can't get a disease or an unwanted pregnancy from golfing - at least not in the courses I've played on. Besides, only because something feels good is not an excuse for gluttony. It's the same attitude that leads people to stuff their face with so much food that they need bariatric surgery to lose weight.

If the 500+ penises doesn't turn some of you off, the fact that the girl in question has genital warts should
post #141 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiecollector View Post

Rule #2, never ask a chick what she wants, because she sure as hell doesn't know. But if you know, she'll love you for it.

Dude, she has had sex with 500+ men. She obviously knows what she wants.

Quote:
Originally Posted by quevola View Post
Well you can't get a disease or an unwanted pregnancy from golfing - at least not in the courses I've played on. Besides, only because something feels good is not an excuse for gluttony. It's the same attitude that leads people to stuff their face with so much food that they need bariatric surgery to lose weight.

A few times, I have seen huge rattlesnakes on the golf course. Those are dangerous, while protected sex really isn't.
post #142 of 254
The real question here is has his friend fucked this girl yet? If not then why hasn't he done it yet?
post #143 of 254
I dated a girl whose number was in the 3 digits and she was just as pleasant as the rest, as long as they're faithful to you and infection free I don't think it makes much of a difference!
post #144 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by iammatt View Post
Why is everybody so fixated on sex? If I really liked to play golf, and decided to play a hundred different courses in a year, that would be a lot of fun, and nobody would complain. Sex is fun, and it is neither dangerous nor immoral as long as you use protection. Did anybody ever stop to think that maybe the reason she had so much sex was that she liked the way it felt... physically? Sometimes sex is just sex, and it is a hell of a way to spend a couple of hours.

God knows I'm not in the tiecollector crowd on this one, but I think there's a middle ground here for some of us. Sex, for me, is more than golf, but less than the lifelong commitment of undying devotion that some of the posters in the thread seem to think it is.

Here's the best analogy I could come up with: I have had two different friends with whom I felt a pretty close bond very quickly (well, more than that, but only two where it went down like I'm about to describe). In both their cases, much of that feeling of closeness was because they opened up about some pretty intense and private personal stuff shortly after I met him/her (one was a woman, one was a man). They were easy to get along with, eager to share, and very open. The problem was, in both their cases, it turned out that this wasn't because we had any sort of special bond or attachment. They were simply NOT very private people at all, and I'm a very private person. What I would have reserved for someone with whom I felt a lot of trust and a real connection, they would share with literally just about anyone if the mood took them.

If that works for them, then fine; it's certainly not my place to judge. But it's not what I'm looking for in a friend, and to be totally honest, I think that in both their cases it stemmed from some actual underlying problems that they had trouble addressing. It's one thing to occasionally tell your secrets to a fellow drunkard at the bar because you have no one to talk to and you don't want to burden someone; it's another to go around telling everyone you meet every little thing about you within the first hour of meeting them. What do you have left to share with the people who really matter to you?

This is pretty much how I feel about sexual relationships. The number itself doesn't really matter, but at some point I want to feel like it means something besides simply "she's horny and I am a living human male" if a girl decides to sleep with me. It's less about moral judgment and more about a fundamentally incompatible view of sexual relationships.

Again, this doesn't mean that I think sex has to be some deep, mystical connection or that it always "has to be about love" or some other bullshit like that; but I'd like it to mean something more than JUST momentary physical release. Ideally, it should be more than just masturbation +1, you know? For me, the idea that the other person so very readily shares with so many people creates a problematic imbalance in the relationship and indicates that the act itself doesn't mean the same thing to each of us.

My somewhat poorly-expressed $0.02... I just woke up and the coffee hasn't kicked in.
post #145 of 254
You're making the incorrect assumption that the meaning of sexual encounters is fixed and not set by the parameters of the relationship two people share. Basically your reasoning is logical but based on a false premise.
post #146 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saucemaster View Post

This is pretty much how I feel about sexual relationships. The number itself doesn't really matter, but at some point I want to feel like it means something besides simply "she's horny and I am a living human male" if a girl decides to sleep with me. It's less about moral judgment and more about a fundamentally incompatible view of sexual relationships.

Again, this doesn't mean that I think sex has to be some deep, mystical connection or that it always "has to be about love" or some other bullshit like that; but I'd like it to mean something more than JUST momentary physical release. Ideally, it should be more than just masturbation +1, you know? For me, the idea that the other person so very readily shares with so many people creates a problematic imbalance in the relationship and indicates that the act itself doesn't mean the same thing to each of us.

My somewhat poorly-expressed $0.02... I just woke up and the coffee hasn't kicked in.

I don't disagree with you, and think that you bring up one very good point. That is, that your incompatibility with such a person would be based on your needs and your feelings towards the subject (sex, emotional intimacy) and not because she was some emotionally deficient cum bucket. I think that such reasoning makes all the sense in the world, because your needs should be as important and real to you as hers are to her.

I don't think anybody is saying that the guy should marry the girl because she has fucked a lot of guys, or even that he shouldn't walk away because it makes him uncomfortable. Rather, we are saying that her decision to have a lot of sex is her decision, and it doesn't make her a toilet, a freak or a bad person. There is a big difference between being uninterested in somebody because of their past, and thinking that a past like this makes them a moral pariah.
post #147 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuuma View Post
You're making the incorrect assumption that the meaning of sexual encounters is fixed and not set by the parameters of the relationship two people share. Basically your reasoning is logical but based on a false premise.

I'm not assuming that the meaning is fixed; I'm saying that there while the meaning of a sexual relationship can obviously vary with circumstances, I place boundaries on exactly what a sexual relationship signifies for me. I agree that the act doesn't have much inherent meaning, but I'm not saying that it does; I'm saying that I give it a certain meaning, and like all meaning we impart to any action, some of that is determined by my own choices, and some of that is more or less baked into my brain--whether by upbringing, culture, simple biological predisposition, or all of the above (my own personal view) is unimportant. It's THERE nonetheless, and I take ownership of it. The problem isn't that I'm judging the other person by my own standards, it's that our standards are clearly misaligned here (somewhat drastically), and that kind of imbalance is a problem all on its own.

That sex has a certain range of meanings for me is plain fact; that is also has a certain range of meanings for the other person is also plain fact; that, in the case of someone who has slept with 500+ people, these two "ranges" don't exactly overlap is also pretty plain. If sex is the basis of our relationship, or is to be one of the bases of the relationship, this is obviously a serious problem. It wouldn't preclude me from having a relationship with the person that wasn't sexual--one of my friends could have gangbanged every high school, college, and professional sports team in existence and been a roadie for every major rock band of the last decade and I'd just be eager to hear all the awesome stories, but it would mean that a sexual relationship with that person was off the table.

Quote:
Originally Posted by iammatt View Post
I don't disagree with you, and think that you bring up one very good point. That is, that your incompatibility with such a person would be based on your needs and your feelings towards the subject (sex, emotional intimacy) and not because she was some emotionally deficient cum bucket. I think that such reasoning makes all the sense in the world, because your needs should be as important and real to you as hers are to her.

I don't think anybody is saying that the guy should marry the girl because she has fucked a lot of guys, or even that he shouldn't walk away because it makes him uncomfortable. Rather, we are saying that her decision to have a lot of sex is her decision, and it doesn't make her a toilet, a freak or a bad person. There is a big difference between being uninterested in somebody because of their past, and thinking that a past like this makes them a moral pariah.

Oh, I get you there. I'm with you 100%, it's not that I think that this girl should be burned at the stake or something. I just wanted to point out that there could be good reasons for "the number" to have an actual basis on this guy's decision whether or not to pursue a relationship with her that don't rely on the moralizing or misogynistic bullshit that's been flying around the thread.
post #148 of 254
The posturing from both sides is pretty funny, I gotta say...

My take... 500 dudes is a lot of dudes, some people get off on that, thrill/interest in different people, I suppose. I have no idea what drives that kind of number, since it is about 100 times larger than mine. I wouldn't find them a 'bad person', in the general sense of wanting nothing to do with them.

Yeah, I would find it difficult, or impossible, to sexually relate to that, I probably would not pursue much of anything. Does that mean I'm sexually repressed? The ropes tied to the bed say otherwise.
post #149 of 254
Thread Starter 
Update:
He slept with her last night....
I cant wait to talk to him about it!
Just got a txt message>>>he is freaking out.
What a dumb ass.
post #150 of 254
Sheesh, she could probably make a hot-air balloon from the skin of her vagina.
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