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how many partners is far too many?

post #1 of 254
Thread Starter 
So,
Today, while talking to a good friend of mine who has recently shown interest in a new girl, brought up this topic.
For me, I said, low double digits if she is in her twenties is something I could tolerate (like under 20)
After I made this comment, he said she had well over 300, and perhaps over 500 (how one doesnt know is odd on its own).
I was stunned.
However, he then went on to mention that she had only 10 in the past 5 years, and that in her highschool and post highschool days she had many many partners....which led to a couple of STD's and HPV.
His question to me is this something I could live with.
She is wanting a serious relationship with him, and he is having some difficulty getting past this.
I said NO. I could not really get past that. I mean, that is several hundred peni, and no matter what, in the context of a serious relationship, that is highly undesireable.
She disclosed this to be upfront about her past (wow, hide that at all costs...)

So, what is your opinion?
I have personally (with the exception of knowing a few sex workers in rehab) never met any woman who has had that many partners.
post #2 of 254
That high a number in someone who wasn't committed to some kind of "lifestyle" would indicate to me a lot of personal issues which may yet lay to be discovered or resolved. This is probably more important than the actual number itself for dealing with her as a personality within the confines of the relationship.

Its a matter of insecurity really to place a certain amount of peni that you are wiling to accept were in your SO.
post #3 of 254
Sounds like she has a sexual addiction, possibly a past life in porn... or at one point a Pimp named Slickback. I agree with you, at 25yo, her numbers should be like 30'ish to be acceptable. Maybe I'm conservative on that, but that's me. I wouldn't want a virgin or prude either. With those kind of numbers though, she had better make up for it with some skill and enthusiasm. Even then, she'd be more of a novelty or girl on the side, and probably not someone you'd want to consider getting into a LTR with. Maybe she's a really cool person with a hot body and your friend really clicks with her? Judging her on just this alone could be wrong. But by asking you that question, it's already bothering him. Why deal with that baggage? Have fun and then break it off in a little bit is my advice.
post #4 of 254
The person is UNDER 20? I think anything more than 30 or 40 would be absolute tops before you'd have to assume they have some severe sexual issues or disorders.
post #5 of 254
Thread Starter 
She is 31
I think that is his issue.
He has been in ltr's for most of his adult life and is completely opposite in this manner.
I sensed he was a bit insecure, but really likes her, and this is an issue he is trying to get past, but is having difficulty.
I could offer very little as far as guidance (I have been married for 10 years).
I am pretty sure that she is not a party favor any longer, and seems to be quite intelligent.
Just curious how you would react, as I reacted in a way that was not so helpful.
post #6 of 254
Is your question how I would react as you listening to your friend or your friend listening to her say this?
post #7 of 254
Thread Starter 
How would you react, in your own shoes, how would you advise him to deal with it, and how would you react to the lady?
post #8 of 254
get the fuck outta here. she has had hundreds of men and a few STDs.
Your friend is a loser to even think about it. That chick is low quality.
Throw that off the shelf.



Any none high school/college slut can make it to her twenties with under 10 dudes under her belt. And 10 dudes is a lot for international standards. The U.S seems to tolarate a much larger number than other parts of the world. That sucks, cause I would want a girl with character and those are usually not sluts.
post #9 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by antirabbit View Post
How would you react, in your own shoes, how would you advise him to deal with it, and how would you react to the lady?

The first thing I would say is:

Ooooooh, dude... no.

Then I would listen to other factors why she's a keeper. The number is so high though... is she at least hot and rich?
post #10 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by blackplatano View Post
get the fuck outta here. she has had hundreds of men and a few STDs. Your friend is a loser to even think about it. That chick is low quality. Throw that off the shelf. Any none high school/college slut can make it to her twenties with under 10 dudes under her belt. And 10 dudes is a lot for international standards. The U.S seems to tolarate a much larger number than other parts of the world. That sucks, cause I would want a girl with character and those are usually not sluts.
Swedish girls put quite a few notches on their bed posts too... but in general I agree with you.
post #11 of 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by antirabbit View Post
...After I made this comment, he said she had well over 300, and perhaps over 500...

Tell your buddy to run like hell.
post #12 of 254
Thread Starter 
I will.
I met her, which he told me/asked about this after we had lunch together.
I would have had no idea that she had this sort of past.
She seemed very articulate, very well put together, and pretty sophisticated.

BUT, that is straight up uber whore...and apparently has not done porn, or ever been paid for sex, or been a prostitute, or a hardcore drug addict.

Obviously she had self esteem issues.

My only point to him was, even though we live in Chicago, there is a considerable likely hood you will meet someone, and perhaps in short order, that has also slept with her, perhaps whole groups that have. This is never a good thing, and not something that will help a relationship.

In short, she kind of ruined it!
post #13 of 254
As a friend: Be honest. Real friendships are built on some tenant of like-mindedness. If its a deal breaker for you then its probably a deal breaker for him as well. He may just be looking for someone to agree with him. Just make sure he doesn't tell her thats why he's really breaking up with her.

As him: That kind of admission signifies something bigger if its contrition. If she really is no longer that person then she's not that person. But I'd be lying if I said my insecurities wouldn't get the better of me. The more conditions I put on what I consider love, the less likely I am to grasp it.
post #14 of 254
Thread Starter 
Great advice.
He has not slept with her, although, she has tried to get him there.
I told him not to go there.

There is no question that I would just never call her back, no chance.
Even if one has reformed, the experience has taken away from what could develop, and if one is searching for a like minded soul, she is not it.
I think he has been with perhaps 8 ladies in his 32 years, and they are not even close to aligned in this issue.
post #15 of 254
3 digits is way too many for a man or a woman.
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