i have problems with small talk - Page 2

I recommend you not try communicating with her until she has had at least 3 drinks.

^^ Haha! Straight from the how to be successful with women the douchebag way>> What most ppl don't like about small talk is that when initiating it with someone who isn't interested in you yet... is that you kinda have to supply alot of the conversation right off. Make some I statements right off the bat... Don't do it all the time, but just use it to allow the other person to relate to you. Then make sure you ask questions more challenging than yes/no ones. You want her to answer with something interesting, so you don't get bored yourself.

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i dont think small talk is a problem if the person likes you because they will engage. the other person is not a robot, they know its awkward to start small talk and if they like you they will try to make it go as smoothly as you want it to -- or test you and make it difficult to see how witty or smart you are. in any case, i think manifest v's comment about "someone who isn't interested in you yet," is not very accurate. people can usually tell if they might like someone within like 2 secs.

A good way to get a reaction is to start off by saying "Nice boobs".

Why waste time? The guy hates small talk. Just go straight and grab the boobs. She'll let you know then if she's interested.

I consider myself pretty good at small talk (with women I am interested in). If that's not what you are after, my advice will not help you much most likely. When talking to a woman (any woman really - even one I am not very interested in), I make sure to be very playful the entire time. I, like you Maritime, find regular small talk quite boring and worthless. That's why I make it fun. The trick is here is the frame, at least that's the word I recall being used in the PU community when I did that thing. The frame in regular small talk is "we are talking but neither of us is committed to this conversation and we are just doing it to pass time and avoid silence". The frame in fun small talk is to avoid actually talking about anything at all, but rather create a fun vibe regardless of what's being said. Teasing and joking usually accomplishes this. I would tell you to look up David D's "Cocky & Funny" method but honestly, that would be overkill for small talk. But it might give you an idea. This is actually something that instantly separates people who I judge as fun from those who I judge as outsiders (to me and my way of life). People who carry serious small talk conversations are generally bores. People who understand the words are meaningless and the vibe is what matters are cool. I can make a conversation about grocery shopping way more fun than if I tried to have a serious small-talk conversation about something far more interesting. You will be able to judge reactions immediately, which is a plus. A smile and a laugh, a touch on your arm, all this means that the small talk is fun (=flirting). Shifty eyes and no smiles means boredom. Now that I think about it, a similar attitude can be taken toward small talk with men as well. Obviously you do not want to tease as much, but its more of the guy-type shooting the shit. Keep it fun, not academic. I suppose it comes down to being comfortable and enjoying yourself instead of viewing small talk as a burden. This shift in attitude alone can help out. Hope this helps somewhat.

That's what I go for. It's hard to keep a converstaion going when you ask straight forward questions. Don't ask yes/no stuff. Ask an open ended question, she'll answer, and then pick up on soemthign she said an run with it.

The one I like playing off of is asking them how they're doing. 99% of the time you'll hear "fine" or "Ok". at that point roll into some slightly over the top "Ah, just fine? Not good, not great, not Super Dooper Spectacular?!! Why not?!"

just be playful and confident, she'll go with it.

I will tell you this.

I go out a lot, I am a salsa/latin dancer and go clubbing very often ( 2-4 times per week). I meet and dance and chat dozens of girls.

I found we can maybe extrapolate 3 kinds of conversation with random girls.

1. The one word answers you describe, maybe followed by some pointless smalltalk

In this case you simply have to reckon that she is not interested in talking to you. Maybe she doens't like you and think you are dull and just not talk or not put any interest on the small talk, it is just a polite way to let you know she is not interested so you can move on. Or simply she is shy and/or dull in which case there will not be that interesting to talk to her anyway.

2. joking, non-sense talking.

This is simply a great passtime, you don't have anything deep to say and neither she does, but you can joke, silly-talk and laugh together. The best is when you joke at her, make her laugh about herself being cocky-funny.

This could also help to break the ice and then lead to a more deep conversations, or maybe not, she could take you as her joker and come to you to have a laugh and then go away.

3. meaningful conversations.

I think when there is mutual interest, compatibility and "chemistry" this simply goes naturally.

In many cases it doesn't go with the one you want. And this is probably because we are normally more tense, self-concious worried etc. when we talk with "the one" than when we talk with any other girl.

With girls I have chemistry with I can talk about more interesting general subjects and also we can talk about our more personal subjects. But you have to have the feel to know when to start talking to her about sports, politics, religion, culture, arts or your feelings.


So what do I do ?

I simple go, say hello, ask her how was her day and if she gives a one-word answer, I start telling her about something I am interested into so I have a passion/joy/sparkle about it, and/or make a joke about her dress/hair/wathever.

If she responds well and keeps the talk/joking going on, I start leading the conversation further, If not, I simply move on to another girl that could be interested.

Hope that helps.

And as an aside note.

I don't know how you could want to get in a relationship with someone there is no common points or chemistry going on. Maybe is just that you like her outside and that is quite allright, but IMHO if you feel you need to force or seek for advice about how to grab this girls attention then I doubt the "relationship" would go anywhere.

good points, lakewolf. i hate small talk, i don't even bother with it. If I can't click with someone, I just move on. And I think usually this is pretty easy for people to gauge within the first 2 minutes of interaction.