Originally Posted by Bill Smith
I dabbled with Lavalife (Canadian based online dating service) a few years back after some friends and my sister in law suggested it would be a good way to meet single women.
I used it for about a year and then deleted my account in frustration. I was in my mid thirties and been out of a relationship for a while and Toronto though a cosmopolitan metropolis with lots going is a really cold city for singles, what the hell lets give it a shot.
Well, online dating was an interesting experience, learned a lot about myself and what I find important in potential relationships. Realized it was not my cup of tea. It will be a numbers game and going on a regular direct marketing response rate figure maybe 10% of the women you contact will actually go on a date with you.
I met interesting women through the process, one creeped me out and I think the majority have a check list in their heads and they want 100% compatablity with said list and oh yes a spark to happen on the first date.
In the end I decided to stop and focus on my hobbies, I think I realized I am going to have better luck meeting my next girlfriend who is into the same stuff as I am. So I got deeper with my photography hobby and joined a few camera clubs.
I came to the conclusion that online dating sites are there to make money, getting you hooked up to Miss Right (now) is an afterthought.
My two cents on the subject.
Back when I was single, I used dating sites to line up dates when I traveled for work.
Nerve.com was the best place to meet women open to drinks and dinner, followed by a romp in the sack with a man they might seriously date if we were in the same town. I had a blast. It was far far more fun that trolling for chicks in some bar.
The trick is to know yourself and the kinds of women you're likely to click with and not waste your time on women waving red flags.
If you're semi-presentable (if you're here at SF, you probably know how to dress) and have decent manners, dating sites are a gold mine for meeting girls.
Meaning that if you're using a dating site without a lot of luck, then you're doing something wrong.
Is your ad attracting women you'd never talk to if you met them off-line? Are you unable to read between the lines to know that they're not your type?
My ability to charm women works best with smart, cultured women. I'm well-read, I'm interested in all sorts of things and I convey that by how I talk. My checklist, to the extent I had one, was to look for woman who were my female counterparts. If they're not smart and cultured, they're not likely to find me interesting. So I didn't bother with middle management types who liked golf, for example. Sales and marketing types were another no-no. I generally don't find men who have such careers interesting. No reason to think their female peers are any more interesting.
They're not bad people -- just not my type. And I know myself well enough to know my type. And to be perfectly honest, I wasn't their type, either. So no point in going on a date to have our initial doubts confirmed.
I'd recommend you not give up on dating sites. But put more thought into your ad as far as who you are and what you're seeking and be more ruthless about screening out low-probability-of-success women.