I need some advice. I am totally miserable in my life and I am not totally sure what the solution is.
I think the simplest way to state what is going on is this:
I have dated a girl for almost three years at this point. I am 28 and she is 29. For much of the relationship we have been long distance. Initially the distance was only an hour, but I had to move for work and it has become longer. I spend every weekend with her pretty much, which means that most of the time I feel pretty unconnected to the city I work in and the city where she works. She is a very good person, generous to the extreme and she has been very supportive financially and otherwise since I graduated from grad school 2 years ago. I care about her very very much.
I would say the weak point of the relationship is that at times I feel like we argue far too much about stupid petty b.s. and also she is too controlling for a guy my age to deal with. In retrospect I was never too good with the ladies back in college so this is only my 3rd or so really serious relationship and in terms of length of time it is above and beyond anything else I was in, so perhaps some blame is on me for not setting boundaries and sticking up for myself more. At times she has also been, IMHO, way too jealous of other female friends or aquantences that I made through work. The constant suspicion was and is unbelievably tiring, especially given that I have never so much as touched another woman while dating her (though perhaps there was some harmless flirting).
Meanwhile, I am not too happy with work. I took a job that was a very interesting opportunity almost a year and a half ago and accepted less money than I would have liked because of the chance to do something potentially very interesting. At this point I am feeling pretty bored and now the money just is not cutting it, especially since I have a lot of student loans and would like to save for a house and what not at this age. At one point I would not have left the job to go live in the same city as the girlfriend, but at this point I really don't give enough of a shit about the job any more. However, I have made some pretty decent connections in my current position and I don't think leaving this job or this city would come without a certain price.
I've applied for some jobs in the same city as the girlfriend and gotten a few positive responses. I like where she lives and I think maybe just being in the same place all the time and finally spreading my wings a little outside of work would make me happy.
On the other side of the coin I am not sure if it's the relationship that is making me miserable and moving to the city she is in would end up being like throwing gas on the fire. I'm finding myself looking at other women a lot more than I have at any other point in the relationship and sometimes longing for the thrill of dating more than I ever remember in the past.
I guess I see three options: 1. I break up with her and stay where I am for another year and kind of give things a shot sans girlfriend.
2. I move to the city where she is and get another job, give things a shot with her, and hope for the best.
3. I look for a job in a totally different city and look for a clean break from everything in my life.
Thanks. I'd be happy to provide more info if people have comments. Advice is much appreciated.
I think the simplest way to state what is going on is this:
I have dated a girl for almost three years at this point. I am 28 and she is 29. For much of the relationship we have been long distance. Initially the distance was only an hour, but I had to move for work and it has become longer. I spend every weekend with her pretty much, which means that most of the time I feel pretty unconnected to the city I work in and the city where she works. She is a very good person, generous to the extreme and she has been very supportive financially and otherwise since I graduated from grad school 2 years ago. I care about her very very much.
I would say the weak point of the relationship is that at times I feel like we argue far too much about stupid petty b.s. and also she is too controlling for a guy my age to deal with. In retrospect I was never too good with the ladies back in college so this is only my 3rd or so really serious relationship and in terms of length of time it is above and beyond anything else I was in, so perhaps some blame is on me for not setting boundaries and sticking up for myself more. At times she has also been, IMHO, way too jealous of other female friends or aquantences that I made through work. The constant suspicion was and is unbelievably tiring, especially given that I have never so much as touched another woman while dating her (though perhaps there was some harmless flirting).
Meanwhile, I am not too happy with work. I took a job that was a very interesting opportunity almost a year and a half ago and accepted less money than I would have liked because of the chance to do something potentially very interesting. At this point I am feeling pretty bored and now the money just is not cutting it, especially since I have a lot of student loans and would like to save for a house and what not at this age. At one point I would not have left the job to go live in the same city as the girlfriend, but at this point I really don't give enough of a shit about the job any more. However, I have made some pretty decent connections in my current position and I don't think leaving this job or this city would come without a certain price.
I've applied for some jobs in the same city as the girlfriend and gotten a few positive responses. I like where she lives and I think maybe just being in the same place all the time and finally spreading my wings a little outside of work would make me happy.
On the other side of the coin I am not sure if it's the relationship that is making me miserable and moving to the city she is in would end up being like throwing gas on the fire. I'm finding myself looking at other women a lot more than I have at any other point in the relationship and sometimes longing for the thrill of dating more than I ever remember in the past.
I guess I see three options: 1. I break up with her and stay where I am for another year and kind of give things a shot sans girlfriend.
2. I move to the city where she is and get another job, give things a shot with her, and hope for the best.
3. I look for a job in a totally different city and look for a clean break from everything in my life.
Thanks. I'd be happy to provide more info if people have comments. Advice is much appreciated.
Good luck.
