Does anyone have experience dating a deaf person?

I have no experiences to share, but that actually sounds kind of fun (in the challenging way). Don't get frustrated, maybe get her to teach you some sign language if you're interested, and try to enjoy yourself like on any other date.

I dont know how easy or hard it is to date someone who is deaf.

I will say that it is few and far between that we meet someone that we really connect with and truly want to know better. (thank god I met my girlfriend)

Maybe its a good opportunity to learn a new language??

best of luck

K

Seconded on the stay patient comment. Take a pad of paper and a pen in case all else fails. I had a deaf friend growing up (he being the only deaf one and everyone else not knowing how to sign) and the pen and paper proved invaluable. Can you ask the friend that set you up for some tips/advice?

I dated a girl who wanted to teach and be a social worker for deaf people. I spent some time with her friends, many of whom were deaf. it was a very different culture - in a lot of ways more foreign that people from a differnt country. I don't see any real barriers, but it will be difficult for your friends to mix, if it becomes serious.

Echoing globetrotter's comment, the deaf community is a very different culture from anything most of us have experienced (I once spent a year helping a panel of experts design a certification test for teachers of deaf students and it was pretty eye-opening). If you're at all into fiction, you might want to check out T.C. Boyle's book Talk Talk (basic plot summary as follows: deaf woman/hearing boyfriend. Deaf woman has a unisex first name - Dana - and has her identity stolen by a con man/professional criminal. The descriptions of both the interpersonal interactions between the two lovers only one of whom is deaf, as well as the insights into what this deaf woman goes through just managing with the legal and just day-to-day demands of a hearing world are pretty well-done IMO.)

Good luck

hey brett, sorry i have no advice to offer but i just wanted to say good luck man. i hope you have an awesome time. what are you going to see at the black cat?

A girl that can't talk? That's my dream. I'm fugging around. I took ASL and it's actually not as hard as you think. The culture thing is big. It's not a disability, it's just a different culture to them. Once you understand that, you're golden. The language doesn't have as many rules as you would think. Word orders don't seem to matter as much, there aren't five hundred forms for each verb, and often the signs look just like you'd imagine a word to look like. Don't stress. Also post her picture on here. OK.

I am fluent in ASL and have many friends in the deaf community. Many deaf people have an amazing skill of communicating even without spoken words or signing. Many are quite used to "miming" as a way of getting points across to the hearing world, remember, they do still work and live among many hearing individuals who care not to learn their language. Learning ASL is much like learning any other language, it can be frustrating at times but the rewards make it worth it. You would have an advantage as well by having someone to practice with frequently. In the meantime you can always carry some small notepad to share more important messages or ask how to sign something.

This actually does sound very interesting, out of the ordinary, and fun.

I would have two main fears in this situation, however:

1 - Would my curiosity/admiration/enjoyment of the challenge/interest in the novelty/sensitivity to the issues of the whole situation lead to an overemphasis of her deafness? I know I didn't say that well, but what I mean is: Would the deaf divide come to dominate our interaction?

2 - In the event that I wasn't feeling it with this person, would I come off as a jerk? Either someone who was only interested in fooling around with a deaf girl, or someone who couldn't deal with her deafness? I'd hate to leave any relationship with the other person thinking I was some kind of user or shallow ass.

I mention my fears only as things perhaps you should be sensitive to as you pursue this. All in all though, I think you should go for it. You'll learn something, for sure.

Has she actually said she doesn't speak audibly? It's not clear from your post whether she told you that or you're assuming.

I once worked closely with a deaf client who did not use ASL. It took some adjusting to get in the habit of always making sure we were face to face when we spoke to that he could read my lips, but it really wasn't a big deal.

On your second point, I'd say just be honest. If you're really not into her for any of the million reasons that could happen, and she chooses to believe it's because she is deaf, that's her problem, not yours.

Have fun, and good luck.

No dating experience, though my uncle is deaf. He does not sign, he simply read lips and is VERY good at it. Also, he talks reasonably well, he just sounds very drunk since he slurs words. I've met some of his friends, and none had to rely on signing to communicate, all could verbalize, some better than others. So, in my experience there's a good chance the pen and paper won't be necessary, excepting some extremely detailed topic or message. Report back on how it goes! GL

I don't have any experience dating a deaf person, but my mother was a hearing-impaired teacher and I'm losing a good chunk of my hearing, so I've had experience with a lot of deaf friends and the things that have made my relationship with my fiancee easier. 1. If she's lip reading don't give in to the temptation to over enunciate. It's HIGHLY annoying and will usually make it even harder for her to understand. 2. Be patient. Others have mentioned that sometimes it'll take a few tries to catch certain things, and the best thing you can do is work with her to make sure you can understand each other. 3. If you're speaking to her, face her. It sounds obvious, but you'd be shocked how often people forget to do that. My fiancee still forgets from time to time. 4. Definitely bring a pen/paper. That can make things way easier. I sometimes use my cell for the same thing when I can't hear well in an environment. 5. If she's not facing you and you want to tell her something, gently tap her shoulder or place your hand on her arm to get her attention. Generally speaking, deaf people are accustomed to touches like that to get their attention. I know I appreciate when my fiancee takes the time to get me facing her as opposed to just rattling off whatever she wants to say while I'm turned away. 6. Relax. You've obviously got a connection with this girl and that's what matters. The language barrier will be a challenge, but it won't be that bad. I'm sure she'll understand if there are some awkward moments or a bit of difficulty. Just make sure you both have a great time! 7. It'd probably be worth taking the time to learn a few choice signs (like learning select foreign phrases before vacationing in a different country) and read up on the cultural differences a little bit (they can be pretty big). Even just learning the alphabet and 5-10 signs could really help. My ASL is pretty shitty, but between miming things out and using what little signing I know, I can usually stumble through basic conversations and business transactions with deaf acquaintances. Good luck and be sure to let us know how it goes.