Share- if you please- some drinking stories!

If I could remember, I'd tell ya...

dud i' drunk wite now i'm at an old friend' house and drinkn and is fun, i neve get fcked up liikds ids.d

Don't you go taking the mantle from the Conneman, now, k?

No worries! It was purely parody.

Last night I was drunk enough (which doesn't take much) to throw all of my self respect out the window, and grope a go-go dancers nether-regions. I'm so ashamed of myself. But, he was so hot.

I love a good parody.

Now this is funny on many different levels!

at my brothers wedding, I got very drunk. very drunk is an understatment - I was drinking entire pitchers of wiskey sours, like they were pitchers of gateraid.

when it was time to give a toast - I was invited up, as the brother of the groom. I gave a long and poetic toast in hebrew (this was in canada) that went something like this:

"Sarah's pigens shit on Moshe's laundry

there is no public transportation to the Convent at Nebe Musa"

of course, being good canadian jews, almost nobody in the room understood me, but all claped politly and figured that I had said something out of the bible. the small number of people in the room who understood me all were spastic from laughter.

after that, I passed out on a table, after hitting on and being turned down by everything with a pulse. then, when my brother got the idea that maybe he should wake me up, I vomited all over the wedding hall - to the extent that more than 10 years later, when I was visiting my brother, I met the caterer and she remembered the mess I made.


different story

several years later, I was invited to a friday afternoon party, and then dinner at a friends house that evening. he was recently married, and took himself very seriously. his wife wanted to introduce me to a girlfirned, who was very hot, but much more religious than me, much much more. anyway, at the afternoon party, I was expecting a specifc girl to show up, and when she didn't, I thought I would cut my losses and drink. then she did show up, and I had a few more beers with her. so I ended up leaving the party pretty toasted. on the walk to my friends house, I find a shopping cart in the middle of the road, and it struck me that it would be a very handy thing to own. so much so, that it struck me as a wonderfull hostess gift to bring to my friends house - their very own shoping cart. so, I stagger in to a little dinner party, maybe a half hour late, drunk and singing a little tune, pushing a shopping cart which I then present to my friends wife as though it is a bottle of wine. I have been led to believe that my dinner conversation that night was less than sparkeling and not very safe for mixed company.

End of freshman year of college. I lived in the honors dorm but hung out at the rowdy bastard dorm with friends from HS. They had a limey residing there and he had a limey friend visiting, and they were SUCH heavy drinkers. So we had a few and then went to the main watering hole. We drank some more. Then the big limey introduces Thomas to some English drinking songs, like the foreskin song.

Of course, I'm so drunk I think it's a blast, so now there are two limeys and Thomas, all three singing the foreskin song over and over again, off-key and at full volume. You never saw so many pissed-off rednecks.

.....

Beginning of sophomore year. We're meeting people left and right and somehow we meet a friend of a friend of a friend, and I'm smitten (and drunk). She departs and later I find out the location of her dorm. A hour later I'm still smitten and still quite drunk, but I rope two friends and we set out to her dorm, which features balconies to the upper floors. I had the foresight to bring a skinny friend, and the other friend and I hoist the skinny friend up to the second floor balcony. I think we're trespassing at this point.

Anyway he clambers up to come face to face with one of the authority figures at the dorm who wonders what exactly he's doing unescorted in the ladies' dorm. He points down and thankfully I'm not a complete coward and man up to putting him up there. She now thinks I'm hercules since other friend is hiding, and probably also wonders what the drunk:stalker ratio is with these two. Eventually we get her to knock on the door we're seeking, and the object of my affection comes forth and recognizes me and assures the authority figure that I'm harmless (not a promising sign I later realize). We chat another hour, and eventually we part. And I never saw her again.

...

Okay, last one. Senior year, I've cleaned up my act and dried out since I'd like to graduate. Well that year started poorly since - unbeknownst to me - a friend split up with a young lady he rather liked. Or rather, she split up with him and told him she wanted to be with me. As I mentioned before, I did not know this was happening until he later told me. So I was ostracized and he and his friend(s) blamed me. Certainly helped me dry up that season.

So later on we're on speaking terms and he invites me over for a party. I was the only one there without a date, the rest of the guys had girlfriends. We're playing drinking games and they settle on this one - TEGWARS (The Game Without Any Rules). Little did I know the real game was Screw Thomas. Within 20 minutes I was seeing double and 30 minutes after that the ladies in the room stepped in and put an end to it. Pulled me from the table and one of them sat with me as the room continued to spin. There are interesting photos of that night, didn't get the negatives, and fortunately nothing that would qualify as high-dollar blackmail.

Eventually I found out the whole story about their plot and got my revenge. For the last three weeks before graduating, I slept with each one of the girls at that party, except for one I couldn't get my arms around. And I nearly went after her as well.

Then I graduated, which was the best revenge of all.

College junior year. Was in Savannah and had too much to drink. We started at a bar and ended at a dance club playing 80's hits. Was 2 girls and 3 guys including me. I remember dancing and after a while feeling sick. Cold air makes me feel better so I went outside. Somehow I ended up on the sidewalk spread out asleep. I remember high fiving a bum, and seeing palmetto bugs around me on the sidewalk but I couldn't get up. After waking up sometime in the middle of the night, I somehow found my way to my car (don't remember how) and woke up the next morning with my arm hanging out of my car with my door half open nex to the bar where I started. I had like 5 messages on my answering machine because they though I jumped in the river. They never saw me leave the club and couldn't find me. =========== My roomate in college after some heavy drinking, rode his mountain bike into the pool with his clothes on in the middle of the winter.

I have so many of these, I don't know where to start. I've listed some in the various fight threads, 21st birthday threads, but here are two other ones:

Went with some friends to a UF Gators football game (in Gainesville, I lived in St. Petersburg at the time) - UF v. San Jose State. Being a lifelong Seminole (the Gators' chief rival), I began getting a little irritated at the Gator fans - how dare they be so prideful in their own damn stadium. So, I called Greyhound and got directions to the nearest bus station. Walked to bus station, staggering drunk, in khaki shorts and a polo, the bus station is located in Gainesville's small ghetto. Boarded a bus to Tallahassee and promptly passed out. Woke up about midway thinking this must be the dumbest thing I've ever done drunk. Turned out to be a great weekend.

My friends JV, Scotty, and I were snowboarding in Banner Elk, NC. We went out on the town and hit up a small bar full of locals. Chatted up the waiter who asked us what we did. JV said he was an actor (had a part as Dawson's fat cousin on Dawson's Creek), I said I was the southeast regional scout for the Utah Jazz, and Scotty said he was an FBI agent. The waiter grew visibly skeptical as he went around the table and finally called bullshit on Scotty. Scotty who is actually in the FBI, whips out his badge. This wound up selling JV and I's stories. So, for the rest of the night I talked basketball with everybody. JV played up his role and Scotty and I did our part by mentioning more and more embarssing roles - midget porn, hemmorhoid commercials, etc. Was a great night.

The summer between my junior and senior years of college, a bunch of us rented half the cabins in a small lakeside resort for the entire season.

One day I found myself "” stark naked "” in one of the neighboring cabins, sitting in front of an open refrigerator eating from a tub of cottage cheese. I sensed a presence in the room and turned to my left where two of my female college friends were sitting at their table eating dinner.

"Welcome back, Rube," one of them said.

"Where have I been? And how long was I gone?," I asked.

"Oh, you haven't been anywhere. We didn't let you out of the yard," my neighbor explained. "But you've been pretty much wasted for five days now."

"Why am I naked?" I asked.

"You just quit getting dressed, Rube. About three days ago," she continued.

We had thrown a helluva big party for the Fourth of July with multiple kegs of beer and all sorts of illicit substances available for the taking. Apparently one day of partying led to another, to another and another. At some point, my neighbors explained, I had simply not gotten dressed after rising for the day.

May I enquire as to which ones? (Out of wholly personal curiosity; you may PM me if you wish with the response).

Jon.