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Chivalry Vs. Try-hard

post #1 of 33
3/9/08 at 12:58pm
Thread Starter 
My mother raised me to open doors for ladies, walk them to their car, etc. etc. But I'm wondering if being too chivalrous could be unattractive nowadays and perceived as try-hard by younger girls in their 20's. Chivalry is lost and younger girls aren't used to it, so instead of expecting it or appreciating it they might see it as "whoa, this guy is trying way too hard" or "this guy is showing way too much interest," which is unattractive.

Any thoughts?
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post #2 of 33
3/9/08 at 1:04pm
It depends on where you live and what circles you run in.

It would probably be lost on a lot of the Paris Hilton wannabe types.

Some Southern Belles still expect it.
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post #3 of 33
3/9/08 at 1:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Action Jackson View Post
My mother raised me to open doors for ladies, walk them to their car, etc. etc. But I'm wondering if being too chivalrous could be unattractive nowadays and perceived as try-hard by younger girls in their 20's. Chivalry is lost and younger girls aren't used to it, so instead of expecting it or appreciating it they might see it as "whoa, this guy is trying way too hard" or "this guy is showing way too much interest," which is unattractive.

Any thoughts?

Should not be a concern. Most people will like it when you are nice to them. Just make sure you are consistent and do it for ugly women too.
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post #4 of 33
3/9/08 at 1:49pm
Chivalry is 2/8ths gay and Try-Hard is 3.5/8ths gay.
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post #5 of 33
3/9/08 at 2:01pm
I experienced it to. one good definition of a gentleman is that he acts in the right way, withoung considering the consequesnces - if the consequenses are that people think you are trying too hard, by definition as a gentlemant that shouldn't concern you.
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post #6 of 33
3/9/08 at 2:07pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by globetrotter View Post
I experienced it to. one good definition of a gentleman is that he acts in the right way, withoung considering the consequesnces - if the consequenses are that people think you are trying too hard, by definition as a gentlemant that shouldn't concern you.

Pretty much, it's not chilvary anyways its ingrained manners, sort of hard to turn it off without a very conscious effort.
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post #7 of 33
3/9/08 at 8:36pm
I think the divide is how big a deal you make over it. If you're with a woman and you fall all over yourself to get her seat for her, then yes, it comes off as try-hard. This is especially true if it is something she observes you NOT doing for other people. It shows that chivalry is not your normal behavior and it's just something you're doing because you think it will impress her, and that is very unattractive. If, on the other hand, you hold doors for her and the like as a matter of course, and don't seem overly concerned with the gesture or her reception of it, then it isn't try hard at all. You simply have enough respect for yourself and for her to be courteous. Chances are good that if you were raised to be chivalrous you fall into the latter category.

Bottom-line, don't think about it too much, be polite to everyone equally and good things will follow.
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post #8 of 33
3/9/08 at 8:41pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zahir View Post
Bottom-line, don't think about it too much, be polite to everyone equally and good things will follow.

This sums it up. It's perhaps the epitome of a lifetime and some people die never realizing it...
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post #9 of 33
3/9/08 at 8:59pm
If you don't get flirty then she won't notice it as anything more than a nice gesture and you'll probably get bonus points. If you telegraph interest at all, just as with any interaction, she'll pick up on it. Do it with confidence and you won't be seen as the "nice guy" you'll be seen as the dude who does whatever the fuck he wants when he wants.

-peace
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post #10 of 33
3/9/08 at 9:38pm
It depends on the context of the situation. If she's right behind you, go ahead and open the door for her. If shes like 25 ft. away let her do it herself or else it looks like you're trying too hard.
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post #11 of 33
3/9/08 at 10:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by globetrotter View Post
I experienced it to. one good definition of a gentleman is that he acts in the right way, withoung considering the consequesnces - if the consequenses are that people think you are trying too hard, by definition as a gentlemant that shouldn't concern you.

Good point.
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post #12 of 33
3/10/08 at 5:21am
You can really tell when a guy is a total dickhead to most people, and only friendly/chivalrous to hot girls.
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post #13 of 33
3/10/08 at 5:44am
Nothing wrong with being chivalrous. Even if a lot of people think it's a dead idea. If you are chivalrous and the intended party didn't appreciate it, then it's her problem, not yours.
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post #14 of 33
3/10/08 at 6:18am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Action Jackson View Post
My mother raised me to open doors for ladies, walk them to their car, etc. etc. But I'm wondering if being too chivalrous could be unattractive nowadays and perceived as try-hard by younger girls in their 20's. Chivalry is lost and younger girls aren't used to it, so instead of expecting it or appreciating it they might see it as "whoa, this guy is trying way too hard" or "this guy is showing way too much interest," which is unattractive.

Any thoughts?

Don't you know instinctively how to behave toward women on a case-by-case basis? I mean, you wrote the book. You tell us.

Frankly, this is an area where I've never experienced the least confusion.
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post #15 of 33
3/10/08 at 6:23am
Only undesirable women don't like chivalry, though what you describe sounds more like manners. Any women that scoffs at chivalry is not feminine enough and should be ignored. Be courteous, but don't try to hard. Remember, they need you more than you need them - you age better.
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