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Wedding gift expectations.... - Page 3

post #31 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by yerfdog View Post
Obviously there are social norms, and most, if not all, of our guests covered or more than covered the cost of their plates, but to view it as an accounting wash would have been a mistake - a wedding is a consumption event, not an investment.

My fiancee and I are in the middle of wedding planning as we speak. There's no way we expect to 'come out ahead'--and even though there are social norms, you really can't think of it as anything other than a celebration with your friends and family. Gifts should be viewed as just that--gifts--not as financing.
post #32 of 39
Covering the plate is a valid guideline, but it is predicated on some agreement what a plate should cost. So realistically, if you're getting married in a more expensive fashion than your bride's family usually does, don't expect them to up their gifts accordingly.

I mean, look at it from their perspective: your fiancee's getting hitched to a rich (to them) guy from NY, who wants to throw her a "fairy-tale wedding". That's your choice, and no reason for them to go outside their comfort zone gift-wise. You may or may not agree with that thinking, but they're gonna give what they're gonna give, you "expecting" something else won't change that.

And of course: Congrats!
post #33 of 39
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jewelelegance View Post
I have been attending wedding of various people and gifts vary from wedding to wedding and so the cost.Usually I prefer to give a gift like jewelery to those who mean a lot in life to me.Now-a- days mens are in also in love with jewelry like watches.Your rule is ok but I think in case of relatives its not right to use it.I would suggest you to go for a pair of watch gold plated which is economical trendy and a perfect wedding gift.In this way person will always remember you when he/she will look at his watch for time.Now a days watches are also coming in the various new designs according to fashion trends and goes with near about all types of outfits.Ha if its the wedding of some one who doesn't mean a lot then I would suggest you go for some gifts which would become a part of their new life and a part of interiors too.I always use to keep the budget in the range of $200 to $600.The only special gift I gifted to my grandma and my wife 1/2CT 14 KT White Gold Round Journey Diamond Ring which costed to me $1,365 each.But that was how I expressed my love for the 2 most beautiful ladies in my life. Try it and you will definitely love it and they will love it too.

um.....ok thanks

Might want to give the thread a re-read (most likely a first read).

DL
post #34 of 39
^^ looks like
post #35 of 39
What's the real question here? If you're worried about being driven to penury by your fiancee's desires and wondering if cash will cover anything, you've got other things to be asking about instead. If you're worried about how much this will cost, discuss with your fiancee about how you two will be paying for the whole thing if people give you $0. If you can't have a conversation about money this way, you should think about what will happen in a marriage if money comes up at some point. When receiving cash gifts, the classiest thing to do is to treat it as a gift, namely, as unexpected. I'd go against a basket or a big box or something because that's a little expectant. If someone hands you an envelope, tuck it in the inside of your tuxedo jacket, thank them and then ask how their dinner was. The best way to receive a gift is to make it seem like it's truly a gift, unexpected, and that the act of getting a gift greatly outweighs what the gift actually is. This is why opening the envelope in front of them is really, really bad taste. That's probably a lot more than you were wondering, btw.
post #36 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by hi-val View Post
What's the real question here?

If you're worried about being driven to penury by your fiancee's desires and wondering if cash will cover anything, you've got other things to be asking about instead.

If you're worried about how much this will cost, discuss with your fiancee about how you two will be paying for the whole thing if people give you $0. If you can't have a conversation about money this way, you should think about what will happen in a marriage if money comes up at some point.



When receiving cash gifts, the classiest thing to do is to treat it as a gift, namely, as unexpected. I'd go against a basket or a big box or something because that's a little expectant. If someone hands you an envelope, tuck it in the inside of your tuxedo jacket, thank them and then ask how their dinner was. The best way to receive a gift is to make it seem like it's truly a gift, unexpected, and that the act of getting a gift greatly outweighs what the gift actually is. This is why opening the envelope in front of them is really, really bad taste.

That's probably a lot more than you were wondering, btw.

This is a great post, hi-val.
post #37 of 39
I've never planned a wedding and wouldn't have any idea as to the per plate cost for a reception. Also, even if I did, I typically have to buy the wedding gifts long before I show up at the reception, and I wouldn't have that information to help influence my gift purchase. Also, you're forgetting the amount of money people are spending just to show up at your wedding. Hotel rooms, gas, time off from work, etc. Finally, it sounds like you're expecting each plate to cost ~100 or so. There are very few people I would spend $100 on in my life. Granted, I'm a student, but I think that even after I'm employed, I would only spend this much on my immediate family, girlfriend, and very close friends. Obviously, if you're inviting dozens of people to your wedding, many of them are not going to see you as falling into one of these categories, so you can't honestly expect them all to drop a bunch of money on you. For what it's worth, I've never heard of your rule regarding the price of gifts.
post #38 of 39
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by hi-val View Post
This is why opening the envelope in front of them is really, really bad taste.


I think we can agree on that. I've never seen or heard of anyone doing so.

DL
post #39 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by philosophe View Post
This is a great post, hi-val.

Thanks : )

Miss Manners' Guide To Excruciatingly Correct Behavior has a whole (excellent) chapter on what to do and not do at weddings. I suggest reading it if you're going to one soon, your library will have a copy.

(I'm a whore for etiquette)
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