and It's been said you are never wrong!
Unfunded Liabilities: a/k/a The Cloth Thread - Page 313
I was under the same impression too until I received my finished coats, she made my lapels 9 cm which is basically 3.5" whereas I wanted closer to 4". She did ask about height of lapel notch, I will go for 9.5 cm lapel width and slightly lower notch on future stuff.
Yes, some of mine are lined since I asked for it. They don't attach the lining at the bottom hem because they feel that it always ends up sagging and killing the line of the back hem with wear - and they're probably right on that.
Just ask her to line the jacket (or shorten the gorge, narrow the lapels etc.) You make it sound like she's intransigent, which has never been my experience.
At my request, most of my NSM coats are completely lined, have a lower buttoning point / narrower lapels on DBs than her default style.