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Arguments with the EX

post #1 of 39
2/5/08 at 8:22pm
Thread Starter 
One of my closest friends iturned 25 and had a party. He sends mass invite to everyone on his friendlist on facebook. My ex-gf happens to be one of those friends and is invited.

After she informs me that she is considering showing up, I tell her:
I do not "think it would be a good idea" for her to come.

And she gets upset about it. Anyhow, an argument takes place about me telling her what to do. I could not understand why she would purposefully show up to my friends party that she knows 100% for sure that I will be there. And I told her: Why dont you go hang out with your bf or your homegirls.

That was 2 weeks ago. So, today she contacts me. The convo is friendly and it seems as if she is over the previous situation. Then out of nowhere she brings it up and another spat breaks out about: how I told her not to come and how its not my place.

QUESTION: Was I wrong for telling her it would be a bad idea for her to show up? Why the hell is she still whining about it?
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post #2 of 39
2/5/08 at 8:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by dsholmes1 View Post
One of my closest friends iturned 25 and had a party. He sends mass invite to everyone on his friendlist on facebook. My ex-gf happens to be one of those friends and is invited.

After she informs me that she is considering showing up, I tell her:
I do not "think it would be a good idea" for her to come.

And she gets upset about it. Anyhow, an argument takes place about me telling her what to do. I could not understand why she would purposefully show up to my friends party that she knows 100% for sure that I will be there. And I told her: Why dont you go hang out with your bf or your homegirls.

That was 2 weeks ago. So, today she contacts me. The convo is friendly and it seems as if she is over the previous situation. Then out of nowhere she brings it up and another spat breaks out about: how I told her not to come and how its not my place.

QUESTION: Was I wrong for telling her it would be a bad idea for her to show up? Why the hell is she still whining about it?

Yes.
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post #3 of 39
2/5/08 at 8:27pm
I think you're wrong for telling her not to go, but then again I don't know any of the context of your relationship / breakup. It's pretty immature to not be able to be in the presence of another person at a social event where you have mutual friends, unless one person really did something terrible to the other. With things the way you've presented them, I'd tell you to grow up and be a man.
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post #4 of 39
2/5/08 at 8:28pm
If she's invited by your friend, she's got as much "right" as you to show up. If you don't want to talk to her, cut her off and tell her not to talk you. Don't get your panties up in a bunch because there's someone you don't like in the room.
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post #5 of 39
2/5/08 at 8:29pm
another thing: you still talk to her but you can't see her out at a social function?? Whats up with that?
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post #6 of 39
2/5/08 at 8:33pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by flashback View Post
another thing: you still talk to her but you can't see her out at a social function?? Whats up with that?

We speak very rarely on google chat and only when she contacts me. Its always general small talk.
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post #7 of 39
2/5/08 at 8:50pm
Unless the breakup was pretty bad, she only has friends on loan (friend of her ex SO now returned to almost stranger status) at the party or there's any other important reason for her not to be there I don't see what the fuss is all about. If you feel bad about it just get really drunk, insult her and start fondling one of her friends.
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post #8 of 39
2/5/08 at 9:05pm
Yeah, I think you're wrong in telling her not to show up. It pains me to say this, but you were out of line. But she's over-reacting to the situation, so neither of you is without fault.
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post #9 of 39
2/5/08 at 9:39pm
You shouldn't have told her not to go. But she should also have had the courtesy to not show up if she knew it would bother you. This is assuming that the breakup was relatively recent. If it was not, then you should be capable of being polite if you run into each other somewhere.
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post #10 of 39
2/5/08 at 9:44pm
Thread Starter 
She cheated on me. Got caught and the breakup was bad. Happened like 7 months ago. We ran into each other on Christmas eve and were cordial. Then, she contacted me after that. We can have short convos but we are not that friendly.
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post #11 of 39
2/5/08 at 9:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by dsholmes1 View Post
We speak very rarely on google chat and only when she contacts me. Its always general small talk.

Put her on ignore. End of that.

If you go, expect to see her. Ignore her. It takes two to argue, don't live up to your end. Unless you like drama, which it seems you might.
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post #12 of 39
2/5/08 at 9:59pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piobaire View Post
Put her on ignore. End of that.

If you go, expect to see her. Ignore her. It takes two to argue, don't live up to your end. Unless you like drama, which it seems you might.

I think I will take your advice, in order to avoid anymore shit. I am not for the drama.
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post #13 of 39
2/5/08 at 10:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by dsholmes1 View Post
I think I will take your advice, in order to avoid anymore shit. I am not for the drama.

Good man.
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post #14 of 39
2/5/08 at 10:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by dsholmes1 View Post
She cheated on me. Got caught and the breakup was bad. Happened like 7 months ago. We ran into each other on Christmas eve and were cordial. Then, she contacted me after that. We can have short convos but we are not that friendly.

In that case, she's contacting you to clear her conscience. And her blowing up at you suggesting she not come to the party is her way of making herself feel better about what she did to you. I'm sure she called you just so she could bring it up again.
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post #15 of 39
2/5/08 at 10:37pm
isn't the whole point of breaking up so that you can stop having senseless spats like this erupting all over the place? Right now, you are paying for the cow but getting no milk.
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