Is it my job to provoke unpleasant self-examination?

j · Jan 22, 2008

I get complaints sometimes from people who have absolutely no clue that they are the reason they are getting messed with constantly. I try to be nice and help them out without accusation, but at times I feel like "teaching the man to fish" and telling them to consider that their own behavior is causing all their issues. When a person is utterly blind to his own obnoxiousness, what are you supposed to do? Especially if you don't particularly care for the person yourself, and know he would take any suggestions as a personal affront anyway, based on his behavior?

This is not directed at anyone in particular, it applies to quite a few people I've had to deal with now and in the past.

Joel_Cairo · Jan 22, 2008

Originally Posted by j

I get complaints sometimes from people who have absolutely no clue that they are the reason they are getting messed with constantly. I try to be nice and help them out without accusation, but at times I feel like "teaching the man to fish" and telling them to consider that their own behavior is causing all their issues. When a person is utterly blind to his own obnoxiousness, what are you supposed to do? Especially if you don't particularly care for the person yourself, and know he would take any suggestions as a personal affront anyway, based on his behavior?

This is not directed at anyone in particular, it applies to quite a few people I've had to deal with now and in the past.

you should counsel him to step back, look at the situation and consider shutting the f*%& up.

itsstillmatt · Jan 22, 2008

just my .02, but if being picked on by people on an internet site is that painful, he (they?) might want to examine that as well.

<---(wonders to himself whether he or they will report the original post in this thread)

texas_jack · Jan 22, 2008

I would just ignore them. Many people are like this in real life and some finally confront the issue usually when they find they have no friends and everyone hates them. I think that's the best way.

kronik · Jan 22, 2008

Originally Posted by Joel_Cairo

you should counsel him to step back, look at the situation and consider shutting the f*%& up.

+.... there is not a number large enough to encapsulate how much I agree.

skalogre · Jan 22, 2008

Damn. Now THAT is a loaded question/issue. I may (or probably

) aren't really the one to give any advice on this but sometimes a gentle shove towards reality could be helpful. Of course if you're totally blind to your own obnoxiousness, having it pointed out would probably only serve to amplify your sense of persecution. Uhm, I think what I am trying to say is that I have not got the foggiest idea!

DNW · Jan 22, 2008

If you care about that person enough, then you'll give him your advice, as a friend. If you don't care, then why bother? There's a sucker born every minute, save your energy for something more important.

Piobaire · Jan 22, 2008

People never take unsoliticted advice unless there is a reason they must listen to you, e.g. someone is homeless and you will let them live with you if they sober up. Even then, the odds are good the compliance in temporary.

People often ask for advice but are really just doing it to confirm the decision they have already made and want to justify it. At that point, they will argue with your advice if it runs contrary to their decision.

Sometimes, a person will come to you in all humility because they value your insight. Those are the times that make being a mentor worth the time and emotional investment worth it, whether they follow your advice or not.

j · Jan 22, 2008

Originally Posted by iammatt

<---(wonders to himself whether he or they will report the original post in this thread)

Who watches the watchers?

kronik · Jan 22, 2008

Watchmen, J. Watchmen.

skalogre · Jan 22, 2008

Originally Posted by Piobaire

People never take unsoliticted advice unless there is a reason they must listen to you, e.g. someone is homeless and you will let them live with you if they sober up. Even then, the odds are good the compliance in temporary.

People often ask for advice but are really just doing it to confirm the decision they have already made and want to justify it. At that point, they will argue with your advice if it runs contrary to their decision.

Sometimes, a person will come to you in all humility because they value your insight. Those are the times that make being a mentor worth the time and emotional investment worth it, whether they follow your advice or not.

Good post, imho.

j · Jan 22, 2008

Who regulates the regulators?

Connemara · Jan 22, 2008

Who redacts the Redaktor? (I tried

)

kronik · Jan 22, 2008

You have just proven the existence of God.

gdl203 · Jan 22, 2008

Tell him to go shave his back !

Is it my job to provoke unpleasant self-examination?

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