The jacket is an inch or two shorter then standard but slightly shorter jackets are in fashion at the moment
Did you press the jacket before the photos? The collar isn't sitting properly but a good press may solve it.
I don't think the shoulders are flawed. I think the problem is that you carry your arms forward quite considerably. In all the photos your arms seem to be held at a 30 degree forward angle. This is an exceptionally large angle even for an "arms forward" body. Accordingly it's causing the sleeves to pull at the back and pulling the shoulders slightly askew. You need to have the sleeves rotated and keep this in mind for future purchases.
I'd also remeasure your crotch measurements. Perhaps measuring a good fitting pair of dress pants
Overall though not a bad effort for your second go. You're definitely getting there. Just a few more tweaks















So my package doesn't really seem to factor much into the equation. Just something to consider. 
And yet there's pronounced collar gap.