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Message a woman on FB, Yah or Nay?

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 

All,

 

Wondering if you might pipe in with your perspective(s).

 

I asked my doctor (PA) out several weeks ago when in for a visit and she simply said "I can't" but "you made my day" and she asked where I'd be working and "seemed" (maybe I'm delusional?) to be trying to establish a mutual connection. I found her to be smart, grounded and attractive and the conversation came easy so I had to ask. My impression is that she is single. It was difficult for me to decipher whether she had an interest and couldn't say yes due to the patient-doctor relationship, or, if she simply had no interest and was politely declining. I am completely at ease with "no" but I did want to establish some kind of a communication possibility if she was at all in a position to or cared to have lunch or coffee down the road.

 

To be honest, Facebook makes me nauseous (my account is inactive more than it's active) but I cross-referenced her profile there and was considering a brief (hopefully tactful) message to at least leave an option on the table. I feel like it will be a challenge to do that without seeming pathological or like some kind of creeper. I'm neither, just attracted and interested in her. I'm tall, in good shape, not ugly, fairly reserved, kind, thoughtful, simple and self aware. I am finishing a second degree in engineering so, while I know I am no Brad Pitt I don't think I would be considered a bad "catch".

 

In any event, should I leave it alone or give it a shot and would this be advancing beyond usual and acceptable limits?

 

Thanks! :)

post #2 of 18

While practical, FB messaging is a bit classless. You know where she works - why not try a note?

post #3 of 18
Thread Starter 

I tend to agree with you which is why I have reservations about doing it.

 

The work thing is a bit tricky since I think dating a patient is a violation of medical ethics. I just don't want to do anything to make her uncomfortable at work and my only real option outside of FB is a chance encounter.

post #4 of 18

If she's actually interested, she will be happy to hear from you regardless of the medium. If she's not, she will be uncomfortable either way. My advice was only to help you seem more cool, less creepy. 

post #5 of 18
It's a lot easier to find a good girlfriend than a good doctor. If she's the latter, I recommend pursuing other possibilities.
post #6 of 18
If he's below 35 I'd suggest ditching the doctor and pursuing her romantically (note you need to switch doctors then ask her out again... if she says no you're gonna be out a doctor with nothing to show for it). If you're over 45 maybe you stick with the doc.
post #7 of 18
Thread Starter 

Thanks for advice guys. Actually, the work thing might not be a bad way to go. I was thinking I could send a small/simple Christmas card with a brief note and a phone number so If there is an interest at all, the option would be on the table.

 

I've only seen her three times so, she's been a good doctor for the time I've been acquainted. I would gladly find another doctor for the chance at a half hour with her at a lunch table! :) 

post #8 of 18
Thread Starter 

I'm 42, she's about the same age - 39-40.

post #9 of 18

If you send a Christmas card, she might misunderstand the sentiment. Be more direct.

 

(As an aside, I hope she wasn't examining you for anything -gross-.)

post #10 of 18
Thread Starter 

If I send a simple card absent the Christmas theme would that be better? I'm not very good at the "game" as you probably know and I'm usually pretty blunt about these things. I have no plans to visit the doctor's office any time soon so it seems a note is the best bet. If I go there in person then it likely approaches "creepy" status.

 

No, nothing gross and my clothes were on when I asked her out!

post #11 of 18

Plain/classic tasteful stationary and a handwritten note (I suggest you post it here so we can critique, haha).

 

And perhaps sign it "Happy Holidays," but that's all the xmas I'd include.

post #12 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by rube View Post
 

Plain/classic tasteful stationary and a handwritten note (I suggest you post it here so we can critique, haha).

 

And perhaps sign it "Happy Holidays," but that's all the xmas I'd include.

 

O.k.!! I will definitely do that and then leave it alone. If I know she at least has the option to get in touch then I am at ease regardless of the outcome. I'm not much of a cad so a bit out of touch with respect to dating/romance "game rules" whatever they are.

 

Thanks for your willingness to steer me in the right direction! Hope springs eternal. :) 


Edited by Techstudent - 12/10/15 at 2:25pm
post #13 of 18
I see no way this ends poorly.
post #14 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bhowie View Post

I see no way this ends poorly.

lol8[1].gifpeepwall[1].gif

Maybe I'm missing something, but didn't she already say no? The fact that she wasn't mean about it and made small talk (because she wants to keep you as a patient) doesn't make the no any less emphatic.
post #15 of 18
Yeah, it was pretty fucking clearly a "no". What don't you Internet losers not understand about that word? It's hard to believe, but even I occasionally hear it. Pick your nuts up and walk on.
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