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Your most recent awkward moment - Page 7

post #91 of 242
lol, theres some interesting stories here
post #92 of 242
At the intermission during a concert in the city park in my litle town my neighbor introduced me to another neighbor whose house sits adjacent to the park and happens to be on the route I usually jog in the afternoons. Trying to be sociable - and having gotten on the outside of several beers before the concert and during the first set - I mentioned that I'd seen this dude along with a half dozen other folks out in his front yard apparently admiring a new tree he'd planted. I made some joke about how refreshing it was to have Druids in the neighborhood to add to the cultural mix. Turns out his father had died the week prior and he had planted a memorial tree and was holding some sort of remembrance ceremony.
post #93 of 242
^^ LOL.

That and the broken glass table story are the best things in this thread.
post #94 of 242
Some of my college friends visited me a month ago for my birthday. My friend took me to a guitar shop in Philadelphia to buy me new strings as a gift. An attractive girl working the cash register rang me up.

"That will be $7.00."

I pointed at my friend.

"He's my sugar daddy."

The girl gave us a strange look, and my friend laughed nervously.

"Heh, he's just joking. It's his birthday and this is my present to him."
"Oh cool, tomorrow's my birthday."
"Wow, happy birthday."

She looked at me suggestively and asked, "So where are we going to celebrate?"

"Um, nowhere. We're staying in."

The girl looked at us strangely again with an awkward pause. My friend rushed to smooth the situation.

"Yeah, uh, me and a few friends came in from out of town to visit. He actually lives in Delaware."
"Oh..."

The remainder of the exchange bordered on painfully awkward until we left the store with a "Have a nice birthday." The little known perk of marriage is the stability to make single people situations as uncomfortable as possible for your own amusement.
post #95 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by doink View Post
I'll preface this with saying I am nearly blind without my glasses, and as with most good stories it starts with downing a dozen beer and some shots. I was at a Christmas party a few years ago and got picked up by a woman. We ended up at a friend of hers apartment. We fell asleep on the couch. I woke up thinking I had made it to a friend's place, which I know well enough to walk around without my glasses on. I started towards the bathroom and walked into a glass coffee table. It shattered everywhere. The worst part was that my glasses where on the table and I could not find them in the pile of broken glass. The woman whose apartment it was comes out and sees her coffee table smashed and starts yelling at me. I had no idea what her name was or where I was. I had to wait for the woman I was with to find my glasses for me before I could leave.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PITAronin View Post
At the intermission during a concert in the city park in my litle town my neighbor introduced me to another neighbor whose house sits adjacent to the park and happens to be on the route I usually jog in the afternoons. Trying to be sociable - and having gotten on the outside of several beers before the concert and during the first set - I mentioned that I'd seen this dude along with a half dozen other folks out in his front yard apparently admiring a new tree he'd planted. I made some joke about how refreshing it was to have Druids in the neighborhood to add to the cultural mix. Turns out his father had died the week prior and he had planted a memorial tree and was holding some sort of remembrance ceremony.
I think both of these sound like they could be fresh out of a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode. For the first one, I can totally see Larry passing out somewhere. He wakes up, thinking it's his own house, and confidently walks towards the bathroom sans eyewear. Breaks the table; turns out he's at Jeff's. Susie comes downstairs and starts laying into him "LARRY YOU FUCKING FUCK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!!!!" Larry stutters and looks around, all confused, and the CYE music starts to play. The second one reminds me of the episode when he took a bouquet of flowers from Funkhauser's mother's roadside memorial. Did you attempt a CYE-esque recovery after the guy told you his dad died? "Oh...ah, ah, he was a druid, right? Am I right? Tell me I'm right on this one!"
post #96 of 242
More embarrassing than awkward. Yesterday, while carrying some recycling down to the end of my driveway (both hands full) I stepped on a patch of ice and went down hard right on my butt/back. No serious physical harm done, but incredible wounds to my pride, particularly since my neighbor was outside across the street and saw the whole thing (as did my wife and 4 year old son who were looking out the window). I can still see myself lying face up on the driveway, while hearing the tinkle of the glass bottle I was carrying as it rolled to the end of the driveway.

I grew up and live in New England. I should really know better than to just blindly walk along after a night of heavy rain in the winter. At least I was able to pass along an important lesson to my son: "See how Daddy was telling you to be careful on the ice all weekend? This is what happens when you aren't."
post #97 of 242
Given JBZ's story, this seems apropos:

I work on the Penn campus. Last winter, I talked for a little while with one of the campus police officers, who had questions about the building, which doors were normally left unlocked, etc etc. Bland stuff. Anyway, he was an easygoing guy, joked around a bit. Seemed pretty cool. As I'm leaving work a couple hours later, I see that he and three other campus police officers are standing and chatting in the plaza outside. I walk through the (ice-covered) plaza on my way out, and I give him the little head nod that guys give each other when they want to acknowledge the other guy but you both know you don't really have anything to talk about. RIGHT as I give him The Nod, my right foot goes completely out from under me; I go completely horizontal in mid-air. Perfectly parallel with the ground, something straight out of a cartoon. I have enough presence of mind to half-toss my bag off to the right so that I don't land on it and break my camera, phone, sunglasses, etc, and land flat on my back with a thud. Wind completely knocked out of me. I look up and all four guys are staring at me with that face that says "Holy shit, that was hilarious, but if this guy's seriously hurt and I'm laughing, I'm be an asshole." So I sat up and said "Perfect 10 on the landing!" and they all started laughing hysterically. I picked up my bag, grinned sheepishly, and walked away VERY CAREFULLY. No head nods on the way out.
post #98 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by FLMountainMan View Post
Or "I was literally laughing my ass off". Your gluteus maximus actually detached themselves from your body you were laughing so hard?

Well, *now* they did....
post #99 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by Connemara View Post
Well, isn't "Creeping" technically an adjective?

Warning -- tedious grammar lesson by pedant upon soapbox follows:

A word ending in "-ing" is either:

1) a gerund when it acts as a noun (as a subject, subject complement, direct object, indirect object or object of a preposition)

2) a present participle either completing a progressive verb or acting as a modifier

Pedant steps down from soapbox.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming of "teh ghey" etc.
post #100 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saucemaster View Post
Given JBZ's story, this seems apropos:

I work on the Penn campus. Last winter, I talked for a little while with one of the campus police officers, who had questions about the building, which doors were normally left unlocked, etc etc. Bland stuff. Anyway, he was an easygoing guy, joked around a bit. Seemed pretty cool. As I'm leaving work a couple hours later, I see that he and three other campus police officers are standing and chatting in the plaza outside. I walk through the (ice-covered) plaza on my way out, and I give him the little head nod that guys give each other when they want to acknowledge the other guy but you both know you don't really have anything to talk about. RIGHT as I give him The Nod, my right foot goes completely out from under me; I go completely horizontal in mid-air. Perfectly parallel with the ground, something straight out of a cartoon. I have enough presence of mind to half-toss my bag off to the right so that I don't land on it and break my camera, phone, sunglasses, etc, and land flat on my back with a thud. Wind completely knocked out of me. I look up and all four guys are staring at me with that face that says "Holy shit, that was hilarious, but if this guy's seriously hurt and I'm laughing, I'm be an asshole." So I sat up and said "Perfect 10 on the landing!" and they all started laughing hysterically. I picked up my bag, grinned sheepishly, and walked away VERY CAREFULLY. No head nods on the way out.

Hilarious, although your response was actually kind of endearing. It belies all the sauciness.
post #101 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by rdawson808 View Post
Were you naked too? Because if you were, you totally win this thread.

Either way, it's hilarious.

b

That is the worst part of it, no nakedness

Quote:
Originally Posted by JBZ View Post
Wanna get away?

??

I am the king of awkward and crazy stories like this.

Most involve alcohol, puking and sticking both feet and fists in my mouth, usually all at the same time. When I play them back, it makes sense why I am still single.
post #102 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by doink View Post
When I play them back, it makes sense why I am still single.

Maybe it has something to do with the clown outfit you always wear.
post #103 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by doink View Post
??

It was a reference to television commercials that Southwest airlines has been running for awhile. Something embarrassing happens to the person in the commercial, at which point a voice over asks "Wanna get away?". The premise being that you can "get away" on Southwest airlines.

Fairly lame on my part, I'll admit.
post #104 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBZ View Post
It was a reference to television commercials that Southwest airlines has been running for awhile. Something embarrassing happens to the person in the commercial, at which point a voice over asks "Wanna get away?". The premise being that you can "get away" on Southwest airlines.

Fairly lame on my part, I'll admit.

I don't get US stations, so totally missed the reference. Thanks
post #105 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBZ View Post
It was a reference to television commercials that Southwest airlines has been running for awhile. Something embarrassing happens to the person in the commercial, at which point a voice over asks "Wanna get away?". The premise being that you can "get away" on Southwest airlines.

Fairly lame on my part, I'll admit.

When I first read that I forgot about Southwest and flashed back to the Calgon commercials ("Calgon, take me away...").
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