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the hygiene of ... - Page 6

post #76 of 159
This thread makes me feel human.
post #77 of 159
Quote:
Originally Posted by MLR View Post
My final wipe [or two]: damp paper with added soft soap or hand lotion - little chance you'll miss anything or not feel clean

Neither one are handy or accessible outside of my home.

Jon.
post #78 of 159
Most office bathrooms have soft soap - not the best quality but will get the job done..
post #79 of 159
^but wouldn't the soft soap leave a residue? Or cause something? Flushable wipes are the way to go. One can buy very discrete, pocketable packages.
post #80 of 159
Quote:
Originally Posted by Douglas View Post
Often, on StyleForum, I feel that I might not have an expert enough opinion to comment. On questions of shoe construction and pressing matters such as morning coat length, I am useless. But now here is a topic on which I can provide some truly meaningful insight.

Being part Asian, lactose intolerant, constantly under stress, and having numerous family members with IBS, I am someone who, at least once a week, looks to the bathroom ceiling and prays for divine intervention from the agonies of a particular bowel movement. I can count on one hand the number of clean, simple, minimal-wipe in-and-outers I have in an average year.

The answer, my friend, is wet wipes. These things are the greatest. While they can be difficult to discreetly transport to and from the office bathroom (sneaking 3 or 4 from the plastic box in your desk drawer in a clandestine manner and then stuffing them into your Canali trouser pocket for the walk to the office john is indignity defined... you'll feel like a coke addict sneaking a snort), they are truly one of life's little life savers. Wipe with standard-issue paper until very nearly the end, then finish up with a few passes of wet wipes. Exit the bathroom feeling refreshed, clean, and confident.

DO NOT follow up the wet treatment with a drying wipe of stock paper. Not only do you risk the dry paper pilling and leaving little white rolled dingleberries for you to have to deal with later, and the potential sting of a plucked hair, but worst of all, you introduce the possibility of the dreaded finger-through-paper breach. In this event, you will have to waddle, pants-around-ankles, to the sink (provided you're not in a multiple-toilet-stall bathroom) to wash your hands before you dare to touch said Canali (or Brioni or RLPL or Incotex) trousers again.

After a while, you'll almost welcome the cleansing, sterilizing sting that comes with a slightly bloody final pass.

I recommend the re-sealable Ziploc-type "refill" bags they sell at most supermarkets in the toilet paper section. Don't get the full-on baby wipes, they reek. I think Cottonelle sells some - they are packaged for children, with puppies embossed in relief on the papers, but there's something soothing about puppies when you're at your most vulnerable.

If I ever, under circumstances that do not include a direct request to do so from Jessica Alba, shave the hairs of my ass-crack, please shoot me.

This has to be the most well-written piece on butt wiping I've ever read. Excellent work.
post #81 of 159
When in a pinch in public (or rather, when I've just pinched a loaf) I walk out to the sink with my pants around my ankles when nobody is looking and just wet a paper towel and also bring back a second to dry with. Works every time! Don't use soap, that is overkill.
post #82 of 159
I can relate to your problem. More fiber in the diet helps. Also, you will find over time that certain foods are more prone to produce the problem. I also have some bad news for you, it doesn't get better with age.

Be aware of what you eat (and drink) and how it affect your bowels. Also, you might get a check up. Somotimes there are medical problems (sould be as simple as vitamin deficiency or as crucial as out of whack blood chemistry) that can exacerbate the situation. For example, a friend of mine who had sudden and incureable bad breath found out it was because he became a stage 2 diabetic.

Changes in one's body functions mean things! Youngsters who aren't cognizant of that are not as understanding as old guys like me.....
post #83 of 159
Quote:
Originally Posted by flylot74 View Post
I also have some bad news for you, it doesn't get better with age.
.

Sad but true. My daughter, still in the single digits, sometimes forgets to flush. Her movements are spectacular - well formed and clean. I just want to pat her on the back and tell her to enjoy it while she can. But that would be weird.

Conversely, at work the other day I shat so messy and forceful it splashed back through the small space at the back of the seat and onto my shirt.

I may be the only person in the world to shit their shirt.
post #84 of 159
Here is your public restroom savior fellas: http://www.cottonelle.com/products/flushable/ COTTONELLE FRESH® Flushable Moist Wipes are pre-moistened to deliver a cleaner fresher feeling than dry toilet paper alone. The new Pop-Up® Tubs make it easy for you to get your wipes one by one. To continue enjoying this convenience, look for genuine "Pop-Up® Tub" refill packages.
  • Contains Aloe Plus Vitamin E
  • Easy Single Sheet Dispensing
  • Tubs Coordinate with Bathroom Décor
  • Alcohol-Free
  • Portable - you can use them anywhere
  • Flushable - sewer and septic safe
  • Available in: 42 Count Tub in White, Blue, Lavender or Green 42 Count Refill 42 Count Resealable Refill 84 Count Resealable Refill 84 Count Combo Pack 33 Count Reclosable Pouch 10 Count Travel Pack
The 10 count travel pack is a godsend. It's slim enough to fit in your pant or shirt pocket (not inconspicuous though because it's bright blue). Plus, you can refill it over and over again. Never leave home without it, especially if you're suffering or a sufferer.
post #85 of 159
Quote:
Originally Posted by HomerJ View Post

My lack of sensitivity has been problematic... I will sometimes find a nice bloody wound on myself and wonder where it came from. A few days ago I found a large bloodstain on the rear waistband of my boxers. I looked and there was a chunk of skin ripped off above the crack of my ass the size of a half dollar. I figured out it was from taking a dump, going in the tub, squatting under the faucet to wash my ass, getting up too quickly and slamming my back into the faucet.


Have you considered the possibility of leprosy?
post #86 of 159
And to think, for three years, all I've read on Styleforum was the men's clothing board, and sometimes the buying and selling board. I found that entertaining! It's killing me to realize what I've been missing.
post #87 of 159
Quote:
Originally Posted by grimslade View Post
This thread is useless without pics.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laffertron View Post
Who else spreads their cheeks when they sit down to reduce the amount of cleanup required?


I'm tempted to post a goatse pic.
post #88 of 159
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiecollector View Post
When in a pinch in public (or rather, when I've just pinched a loaf) I walk out to the sink with my pants around my ankles when nobody is looking and just wet a paper towel and also bring back a second to dry with. Works every time! Don't use soap, that is overkill.
Then you do the scurry-shuffle when you hear the door open. Been there. Ever feel tempted to sit on the sink and wash your ass under the faucet?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sartorian View Post
Have you considered the possibility of leprosy?
lol I think that would manifest in other noticeable ways. I seem to be slightly indifferent to pain. I've read about people who are unable to sense any pain and they die pretty young from injury/infection. The wierd ones are the people who are incapable of feeling fear. They die even younger! Eh just now I notice an acid burn on my left index finger that must've happened today (I work with chemicals in a lab). Not good!
post #89 of 159
Quote:
Originally Posted by HomerJ View Post
Then you do the scurry-shuffle when you hear the door open. Been there. Ever feel tempted to sit on the sink and wash your ass under the faucet?


um NOOO! ... wait.. hmmm? The bidet is the way to go. I used to keep a Brita filter next to the toilet for cleanest clean without residue.
post #90 of 159
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiecollector View Post
um NOOO! ... wait.. hmmm? The bidet is the way to go. I used to keep a Brita filter next to the toilet for cleanest clean without residue.

I'm definitely installing one of those bidets down the road. With heated seats and a blowdryer.
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