my 2 cents worth.... I spent years being very bad at dating, basically a total loser in the women department. I am witty, intelligent, funny, dependable, I was in a very good position financially, very well travelled and in the very top point of the curve in terms of physical strength. On the flip side, I worked very long hours, traveled half the month, was extremly cold, 5 foot 5, and (in the most generous terms possible) pudgy. The work that I do, while people will always say "that sounds fascinating" is not very interesting at all to hear about. When I decided that it was enough and that I wanted to settle down, I went about it in a strategic manner - first I worked hard on my weight, and I "softened" my wardrobe to look more warm and soft, less fearsome. Then I prepared basically a "dating plan" - I identified a number of stories that I have that show me in a certain, attractive, light, and prepared segways into each. the idea here is that you need to show off your attractiveness quickly in a date, without looking like a fool or braggart. so if you end up with the conversation leading you to great funny stories that don't make you look attractive, then you aren't doing your job. then I joined 2 different dating services - one relativly cheap that gave me access to dozens of names a month, and one more expensive that was supposed to find very good fits. and I told all of my friends' girlfriends or wives that I was intersted in somebody serious. I went on a huge amount of first dates, adjusting my criteria as I went, and pretty quickly met the woman I later married. Frankly, she is very very different from the women I dated 2 or 3 years before, but we have been married a while and we are pretty much the happiest couple that I know. I think that the basics are 1. make yourself as attractive as possible 2. remember that a first date is a sales call - from the second on that isn't the case, you have to want to be there, but the first date is all about you showing yourself in a good light, without seeming to. 3. constantly rethink what is really important to you in a woman, your needs change.