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Another paying for dates thread....

post #1 of 68
10/4/07 at 2:22pm
Thread Starter 
So I have been out with a girl about 6 times or so over the last month. Each time we have gone out I have paid for dinner, drinks and entertainment. She has NEVER offered to pay or split the bill. I'm not exactly raking in the money (state job) so this has become somewhat of an issue for me. I'm kind of old fashioned in the sense that I think a guy should pay for the first couple of dates but after that and during the "getting to know you better" stage I think going Dutch or her picking up the tab once in a while is appropriate.

So....without looking like an ass....how do I get her to pony up? It's starting to bother me that she has never offered to pay as I think it's kind of a consideration thing....otherwise she seems really sweet....almost to the point of being clueless (or maybe she wants me to think she is).

Or...do I take this as a sign that she is inconsiderate and a preview of things to come?


Advice needed!
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post #2 of 68
10/4/07 at 2:25pm
Is the relationship progressing normally otherwise? Has it moved along physically, emotionally, the amount of time you guys talk and spend time together?
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post #3 of 68
10/4/07 at 2:32pm
(I can hardly wait to see where this goes.......!!!!!!!)
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post #4 of 68
10/4/07 at 2:37pm
Thread Starter 
She lives about an hour away and we are both VERY busy. They have been a couple of sleepovers....so yes, physically it has progressed.
I am divorced (no kids) and have had longer relationships since the divorce...so I tend to look at the little things as indicators of future behaviors. I'm 36 and she's 30. She has never been married and has no kids. (Score)
She is very much into her work and is always talking on her cell! That bugs me but still I think of it as the "getting to know you better phase"....some things you can learn to look past...others not so much. Inconsiderate is something that I just can't handle....being clueless is another matter.
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post #5 of 68
10/4/07 at 2:45pm
She's thirty, certainly not an age where cluelessness can still be an excuse.
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post #6 of 68
10/4/07 at 3:04pm
Look at the situation from her point of view. She has no reason to change if you are taking her out regularly. Stop being so available (six times in one month is a lot to be seeing someone you just met) and start dating other women in addition to her.
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post #7 of 68
10/4/07 at 3:08pm
I won't bring no
Flowers to your doorstep, when we goin out
Cause you'll take it for granted, no doubt
And after the date, I'ma wanna do the wild thing
You want lobster huh? I'm thinking Burger King
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post #8 of 68
10/4/07 at 3:22pm
Look, be straightforward with her. Tell her simply, "You are not giving me enough blow jobs to compensate for your food intake hence one or the other has to change".
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post #9 of 68
10/4/07 at 4:17pm
Jeez all these 'should I pay for my date' threads...I just hope these arent the same dudes who buy $1,500 shoes or $200 belts and then try to have their Womens poney up for dessert.

Ive never dated a girl who didnt at least offer to go dutch or flat out pay herself. Where are y'all meeting these people?
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post #10 of 68
10/4/07 at 4:19pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by underwearer View Post
Jeez all these 'should I pay for my date' threads...I just hope these arent the same dudes who buy $1,500 shoes or $200 belts and then try to have their Womens poney up for dessert.

Ive never dated a girl who didnt at least offer to go dutch or flat out pay herself. Where are y'all meeting these people?

Upper East Side.
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post #11 of 68
10/4/07 at 4:22pm
I've been dating a 16 year old and even she offers to pay for stuff. 30 is way to old to be "clueless".
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post #12 of 68
10/4/07 at 4:28pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by underwearer View Post
Jeez all these 'should I pay for my date' threads...I just hope these arent the same dudes who buy $1,500 shoes or $200 belts and then try to have their Womens poney up for dessert.


They are.

I never would have thought this to be such a controversial issue. I met one person in my life who was hell bent on only paying for his portion of his meal. there were 4 of us and he asked for the menu once the bill came and he started itemizing what he ate. I told him not to worry about it and that I would pay for him. I've never had as much as a soda with him again. Expecting a woman to pay for herself on a first/second etc date is just a foreign concept to me in the same way that I wouldn't want a woman to hold a door for me, nor go after me in/out of an elevator, nor strap one on and give it to me. Some things men should do for no other rhyme or reason than that it is the way things are done.
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post #13 of 68
10/4/07 at 4:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by edmorel View Post
They are.

I never would have thought this to be such a controversial issue. I met one person in my life who was hell bent on only paying for his portion of his meal. there were 4 of us and he asked for the menu once the bill came and he started itemizing what he ate. I told him not to worry about it and that I would pay for him. I've never had as much as a soda with him again. Expecting a woman to pay for herself on a first/second etc date is just a foreign concept to me in the same way that I wouldn't want a woman to hold a door for me, nor go after me in/out of an elevator, nor strap one on and give it to me. Some things men should do for no other rhyme or reason than that it is the way things are done.

That may be something some people pay for but then "date" is a euphemism!
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post #14 of 68
10/4/07 at 4:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by underwearer View Post
Jeez all these 'should I pay for my date' threads...I just hope these arent the same dudes who buy $1,500 shoes or $200 belts and then try to have their Womens poney up for dessert.
Sometimes you must choose between Edward Green and Eva Green, between Vass and ass, between getting Lobb and getting lucky. The true SFer knows it's all about the shoes. But if you can get both, then why not?
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post #15 of 68
10/4/07 at 5:11pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ambulance Chaser View Post
Look at the situation from her point of view. She has no reason to change if you are taking her out regularly. Stop being so available (six times in one month is a lot to be seeing someone you just met) and start dating other women in addition to her.

Good advice....
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