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Dating advise needed.

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
There is a girl who really cares about me for who I am. She has a beauty, warm and supportive personality. The only problem is she talks about marrige and having kids too often. And ask questions like, "do you like me for who I am or sexually?". I have never met a girl like her. We have been only dating for 2 weeks and I like this girl, but the pressure is building up. What should I do?

thanks.
post #2 of 9
Desperation is never attractive and her talk about marriage and kids, 2 weeks into a relationship, sends up a big, big red flag. I would ask myself "Does she appreciate me for who I am or because I'm available?". Your discomfort seems to answer the question, but I suggest you give some careful thought to (1) your evidence that she cares about you for who you are and (2) your own desire for marriage and kids (i.e. does the talk of marriage and kids "too often" reflect your own attitudes [fears] about marriage and kids?). Either way, it seems the two of you may be on two different schedules. If I cared about someone, I would continue seeing them and insist the relationship proceed at a rate that makes me comfortable, but realize that this may cause an irreconcilable split at some point. Edit: Questions like "do you like me for who I am or (only) sexually" are legitimate questions in a relationship, but you should only need to answer them once. If they become a constant, they indicate either (1) you're not providing enough verbal feedback about your feelings or (2) your girl is needy. Have you told _her_ that she has a "beauty, warm and supportive personality"? If not, why not?
post #3 of 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinman View Post
Desperation is never attractive and her constant talk about marriage and kids, 2 weeks into a relationship, sends up a big, big red flag. I would ask myself "Does she appreciate me for who I am or because I'm available?". Your discomfort seems to answer the question, but I suggest you give some careful thought to (1) your evidence that she cares about you for who you are and (2) your own desire for marriage and kids (i.e. does the talk of marriage and kids "too often" reflect your own attitudes [fears] about marriage and kids?). Either way, it seems the two of you may be on two different schedules. If I cared about someone, I would continue seeing them and insist the relationship proceed at a rate that makes me comfortable, but realize that this may cause an irreconcilable split at some point.

Great advice.

Jon.
post #4 of 9
Thread Starter 
Thank you thinman. Your advise is really right on the mark.
post #5 of 9
Educated guess: she feels compelled to use her appearance to get and keep a man, but she actually places little importance on style and fitness for its own sake. She's not particularly fit, and her style is rather simple and non-trendy, right?
post #6 of 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinman View Post
Desperation is never attractive and her talk about marriage and kids, 2 weeks into a relationship, sends up a big, big red flag. I would ask myself "Does she appreciate me for who I am or because I'm available?". Your discomfort seems to answer the question, but I suggest you give some careful thought to (1) your evidence that she cares about you for who you are and (2) your own desire for marriage and kids (i.e. does the talk of marriage and kids "too often" reflect your own attitudes [fears] about marriage and kids?). Either way, it seems the two of you may be on two different schedules. If I cared about someone, I would continue seeing them and insist the relationship proceed at a rate that makes me comfortable, but realize that this may cause an irreconcilable split at some point.

Edit: Questions like "do you like me for who I am or (only) sexually" are legitimate questions in a relationship, but you should only need to answer them once. If they become a constant, they indicate either (1) you're not providing enough verbal feedback about your feelings or (2) your girl is needy. Have you told _her_ that she has a "beauty, warm and supportive personality"? If not, why not?



"Dear Thinman"
from "Dazed and Confused" in Toronto


..perfect
post #7 of 9
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mensimageconsultant View Post
Educated guess: she feels compelled to use her appearance to get and keep a man, but she actually places little importance on style and fitness for its own sake. She's not particularly fit, and her style is rather simple and non-trendy, right?

No.
post #8 of 9
Well then, describe what she is like "Dazed and Confused".
post #9 of 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by MilanoStyle View Post
...but the pressure is building up. What should I do?

thanks.
Hehehe.
He said pressure.
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