How to get my ass motivated to get in shape?
Think about why you want to get motivated, if it is for yourself you will reach your goal, if it's cause others tell you then you prob won't. Take the leap that's right for you find joy in an exercise program for me was fitness classes, they got me hooked! The interaction the music other like minded people.
By finding enjoyment it will make you want to keep at it.
Start very small. Like five pushups a day. Promise yourself to increase by 1-2 reps a day. This creates a sense of suspense and wanting to do more each day.
It worked for me.
As for competition, I second that idea. My use of the stairs in my apartment building evolved into training for competitive stair runs - I've done three so far,
going for a fourth in just a few weeks.
I also found getting into a routine that works for you is very helpful:
-I always eat very similar things 80% of the time (bring lunch to work also)
-I am able to workout at lunch at work so I workout Mon, Wed + Friday every week with weekends in the mountains.
Like someone said: A routine is a net to capture your day. I've gotten out of my routine (new lady, new job, new state, new house, new baby...) and need to get back on it, so I've been looking back and reflecting what worked in the past.
For me, I shocked myself with enjoying running! I *hated* it as a youngster. When I was more active, I ran at least 3 miles, 5 days a week. I also kept registering for little runs -- 5Ks here and there, that way I always had a reason beyond myself and my personal satisfactions to stay motivated. I was "training" for the next race, which was always X weeks/days away. When I didn't have a race, I'd slack.
Once you've got some goals, then make a plan. Once you have a plan, just follow it.
If you don't know anything about sports, exercise, or training. Then you'll need to read a couple books to start.