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Prenup

post #1 of 39
8/16/07 at 2:03pm
Thread Starter 
What are your thoughts on prenuptial agreements?

I personally have mixed feelings. California is a community property state, and with a basic understanding of how things work after divorce, I tend to believe in the public policies behind things like splitting property acquired during marriage, alimony, etc. I've also heard that prenups typically do not withstand scrutiny. That being said, is a prenup wise? Is a prenup any more or less likely than state law to provide an inequitable result? What parts of state law did/would you contract around?
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post #2 of 39
8/16/07 at 10:19pm
I'm pro pre-nup. I look at it as insurance for both parties - the guy doesn't get fleeced, and the lady knows she's taken care of if things go wrong.
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post #3 of 39
8/18/07 at 2:58pm
there is nothing in this world more romantic than two people deciding to get married, and the only reason it is so romantic is that it is "'til death do us part."

if it is not to the death, it is meaningless. if there is even the possibility of divorce, you are not truly married. imagine what the vows would be; "i take you as my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part, or until we get sick of each other and decided to divorce."

this is why the catholic church does not recognize divorce, and i agree with them on this.
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post #4 of 39
8/18/07 at 3:17pm
Quote:
there is nothing in this world more romantic than two people deciding to get married, and the only reason it is so romantic is that it is "'til death do us part."

if it is not to the death, it is meaningless. if there is even the possibility of divorce, you are not truly married. imagine what the vows would be; "i take you as my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part, or until we get sick of each other and decided to divorce."

this is why the catholic church does not recognize divorce, and i agree with them on this.

Dude, have you ever been married?
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post #5 of 39
8/18/07 at 3:19pm
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I'm pro pre-nup. I look at it as insurance for both parties - the guy doesn't get fleeced, and the lady knows she's taken care of if things go wrong.

What if the girl has all the money before the marriage?
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post #6 of 39
8/18/07 at 3:26pm
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Originally Posted by Steve B. View Post
Dude, have you ever been married?

of course not. what i'm saying is i don't see the point of getting married. what is the point?

if you are in a commited relationship with a woman, and either of you can walk away from the relationship whenever you want, that's called having a girlfriend.
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post #7 of 39
8/18/07 at 6:46pm
I'm married. Didn't do a prenup. Because we're not getting divorced. The people who feel the need to have prenups signed end up needing them.
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post #8 of 39
8/18/07 at 9:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by matadorpoeta View Post
there is nothing in this world more romantic than two people deciding to get married, and the only reason it is so romantic is that it is "'til death do us part."

if it is not to the death, it is meaningless. if there is even the possibility of divorce, you are not truly married. imagine what the vows would be; "i take you as my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part, or until we get sick of each other and decided to divorce."

this is why the catholic church does not recognize divorce, and i agree with them on this.

i agree with you on this matadorpoeta. i went into marriage not even an iota of thought of divorce. and we are still like this.
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post #9 of 39
8/18/07 at 9:56pm
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Originally Posted by carlhuber View Post
I'm married. Didn't do a prenup. Because we're not getting divorced. The people who feel the need to have prenups signed end up needing them.

a lot of people who didn't feel the need for them also get divorced. the lawyers were happy about the billable hours they got from that.
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post #10 of 39
8/18/07 at 11:10pm
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Originally Posted by NoVaguy View Post
a lot of people who didn't feel the need for them also get divorced. the lawyers were happy about the billable hours they got from that.

And I'm sure the wives were happy with what they got too.

I think everyone should go through a mental checklist before they pop the question, sort of like a 150-point inspection that's so strongly recommended when buying a used car.

There are a number of factors that significantly reduce the risk of divorce. If you have enough of them, then maybe you can spare yourself the drama of asking your fiance to sign a prenup. Otherwise, it's probably not a bad idea. I think a lot of people get caught-up in emotion and fail to do an honest assessment of how long the relationship can last or maybe ignore incompatibilities that will become problems over a longer period of time.

There are other ways to limit potential exposure besides a prenup. If you have sizeable liquid assets, you could use offshore IBCs and/or trusts to protect your investments. They have, uh, "tax benefits" as well. It's sort of like shipping your money in to a black hole.

Btw, Lawyerdad did a very good write-up of the value of prenups and issues surrounding community property when Vanity posted his inquiry about prenups.
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post #11 of 39
8/18/07 at 11:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by matadorpoeta View Post
there is nothing in this world more romantic than two people deciding to get married, and the only reason it is so romantic is that it is "'til death do us part."

if it is not to the death, it is meaningless. if there is even the possibility of divorce, you are not truly married. imagine what the vows would be; "i take you as my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part, or until we get sick of each other and decided to divorce."

this is why the catholic church does not recognize divorce, and i agree with them on this.


Romance isnt always the reason. Culture and religion can also play large roles in "death do us part." My mother counseled many battered women in her life. You wouldn't believe how many women stayed with an abusive husband because of their religion; romance indeed.
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post #12 of 39
8/19/07 at 5:09pm
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Originally Posted by Reggs View Post
Romance isnt always the reason. Culture and religion can also play large roles in "death do us part." My mother counseled many battered women in her life. You wouldn't believe how many women stayed with an abusive husband because of their religion; romance indeed.

i don't understand your post. if you believe that divorce should exist, then you don't believe in marriage.

marriage is 2 people vowing to be together 'til death do them part. if you add an escape clause to it, the vows are meaningless. marriage with the option of divorce is no different than being boyfriend/girlfriend.
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post #13 of 39
8/19/07 at 8:21pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by matadorpoeta View Post
i don't understand your post. if you believe that divorce should exist, then you don't believe in marriage.

marriage is 2 people vowing to be together 'til death do them part. if you add an escape clause to it, the vows are meaningless. marriage with the option of divorce is no different than being boyfriend/girlfriend.

You are looking at this in far too simple terms. There are more differences between marriage and any other long term relationship than whether you can end it or not.

As to original question, I think a prenup, while a sound fiscal decision, isn't something I would consider personally. If I'm marrying someone, I don't want there to be a contingency plan.
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post #14 of 39
8/19/07 at 8:23pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by matadorpoeta View Post
there is nothing in this world more romantic than two people deciding to get married, and the only reason it is so romantic is that it is "'til death do us part."

if it is not to the death, it is meaningless. if there is even the possibility of divorce, you are not truly married. imagine what the vows would be; "i take you as my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part, or until we get sick of each other and decided to divorce."

this is why the catholic church does not recognize divorce, and i agree with them on this.

I could have sworn from an earlier thread that you were divorced, or at least separated. But I guess you'd know better than me . . .
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post #15 of 39
8/19/07 at 8:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by carlhuber View Post
I'm married. Didn't do a prenup. Because we're not getting divorced. The people who feel the need to have prenups signed end up needing them.

Glib, but inaccurate. My wife and I did not get a prenup. Neither of us felt the need. (Just by way of background.)
But the reality is, people who at the time of marriage considered divorce inconceivable nonetheless end up getting divorced. I know people with prenups who will never need them, and people who were certain they were marrying for life whose life would now be a lot less messy if they had prenups.
Whether to have one or not is obviously a choice for each couple to make based on their own values and circumstances; smugness toward others' choices (whichever choice that may be) seems unusually silly and provincial.
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