Styleforum › Forums › Lifestyle › Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel › Paying on a first date
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Paying on a first date - Page 3

post #31 of 207
7/25/07 at 3:21pm
I have really never understood this fact that men are supposed to pay for everything. On the first date i would say who ever asked pays whether it be the man or the woman and after that the costs should be split evenly whether one pays one night and the next nightthe other pays, or if the guy pays everytime, the dame better put out in short order.
The fact being if women want to be treated as equals in society, certain things need to be let go. But for the most part women are seeking the best of both worlds wanting to lead but still be treated as a lady, when these two things are mutually exclusive.

I prefer hardcore feminists myself, i find them easier to deal with than other women.
Reply
Reply
post #32 of 207
7/25/07 at 3:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by life_interrupts View Post
You always pay on the first date. If she insists, you still pay, but offer that she canbuy you a night cap (or dessert/coffee), if she's interested. If she's not, you know where you stand and you can move on.
+1. Glad to see I'm not the only one to use this tactic. I like a girl who feels like she can take care of herself and isn't looking for an automatic free ride. Telling her that she can cover coffee or dessert, assuming she actually offers to split the bill, QUICKLY ends any argument, gets her to feel like she's contributing, and moves the date along to the next spot. In theory I don't have a problem paying for the first date because as my best friend puts it, it's a "pregnancy tax": they have to go through pregnancy, we have to pay for the date. What annoys me are girls who don't give a second thought to what's being paid and doesn't so much as say "thank you." My friends would say "thank you" so if she can't mouth two little words...I immediately begin to hear Chazz Palminteri's voice in my head going over the Car Door rule.
Reply
Reply
post #33 of 207
7/25/07 at 3:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Manton View Post
I would take it as a bad sign if she insists on paying. Like "Get me out of this with no possibility that he thinks he has created any obligation on my part. Making a clean gettaway is cheap at the price."

+1.
When a woman insist on paying or splitting the check on a first date, you're not getting a second date. I like it when a woman offers to pay on subsequent dates, but I'm not so draconian as to dump her if she doesn't offer.

Also, I agree that when a woman asks me out, she pays.
Reply
Reply
post #34 of 207
7/25/07 at 3:32pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fabienne View Post
I've said it before, but I've always hated it when men automatically decided they would pay for my meal. But I realize I'm not the norm. Maybe a poll on a women's forum?
I have to say that sometimes it is actually better to let her pay. I don't play by the general rulebook when it comes to dating. I rarely if ever buy a girl I'm interested in a drink at a bar or social event. I feel that it's too "normal" and doesn't set you apart. Rather, if a girl asks for a drink, I'll say something like "oh I don't do that, but you're more than welcome to get me one." This depends GREATLY on the woman, however if it's a rather attractive woman, generally this will set them back a little and they actually seem to react positively to that. The same goes for dinner; if this is a girl who is used to the same old same old "every guy buys her a meal" then why not just offer to split the bill. (while inferring that you thought it was HER taking YOU out) Do it playfully though, and make it seem like you don't need her despite the fact that you like her. This won't impress her though if you choose an expensive restaurant, or if she's not usually been treated by guys in the "traditional way". That could just screw you over. This can be a rather risky move, so use your instincts and your best judgment. Generally, the better looking the girl, the better chance of this working is...however there are ALWAYS exceptions.
Reply
Reply
post #35 of 207
7/25/07 at 4:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by VMan View Post
Or, "I'll pay the bill, you can leave the tip" usually works on women who are insistent about splitting the check.

From a service industry employee's perspective, I hope you reconsider this, if only for the fact, that, former waitresses excluded, women are almost always, on average, much worse tippers than men. Last time I went out with a female friend, we tried this arrangement and I ended up having to secretly double her tip after she walked away from the table because she only left something in the 10-12% range despite being a generally high maintenance customer. Of course I'm not at all speaking from a position of self-interest, but in most apparent date situations, I always stealthily drop the check in the man's direction because the tip will usually be better that way.
Reply
Reply
post #36 of 207
7/25/07 at 4:32pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by aybojs View Post
From a service industry employee's perspective, I hope you reconsider this, if only for the fact, that, former waitresses excluded, women are almost always, on average, much worse tippers than men. Last time I went out with a female friend, we tried this arrangement and I ended up having to secretly double her tip after she walked away from the table because she only left something in the 10-12% range despite being a generally high maintenance customer. Of course I'm not at all speaking from a position of self-interest, but in most apparent date situations, I always stealthily drop the check in the man's direction because the tip will usually be better that way.

Actually, in my experience, they'll tip better. Say dinner is $30ish, and I'm covering all of it. Since I'm spending around $30, they'll leave a $10 bill so as not to feel as if they aren't 'contributing' as much by leaving a five.
Reply
Reply
post #37 of 207
7/25/07 at 4:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by VMan View Post
Actually, in my experience, they'll tip better. Say dinner is $30ish, and I'm covering all of it. Since I'm spending around $30, they'll leave a $10 bill so as not to feel as if they aren't 'contributing' as much by leaving a five.

I'm not trying to hijack this thread, so I'll stop after this post, but I'm just offering the perspective as someone who has waited tables and currently bartends 50+ hrs/week for a living and has done so the past few years, and almost certainly has more experience in this arena than anyone here who has not done so for a prolonged amount of time. It has also been my experience that, as a customer, after several times of trying the "I get the bill, you get the tip" process with different female friends, I've had to scrap it because I always ended up having to secretly throw down a few extra more dollars because the girls undertipped our server. Much better to just avoid the headache and either split the bill by items or have one person cover it all.
Reply
Reply
post #38 of 207
7/25/07 at 4:54pm
Up until recently I would always take the girl to lunch or dinner and pay for the meal; if she were to absolutely insist on paying her share I would tell her to take care of the tip. However after the last few girls that I've taken on dates not working out, I've decided that I will no longer do lunch/dinner "dates" and instead will meet them for coffee at a starbucks...if they don't offer to pay, it's ok because it's like $5 at the most...whereas if they do then thats fine they can pay their share. No more free meals from me unless things were serious...
Reply
Reply
post #39 of 207
7/25/07 at 5:04pm
I haven't worked in a restaurant in a long time, but now that I think of it, my biggest tips were always from men (queue joke from ed). With the exception of girl I was dating's mother, I can't remember a single generous tip from women, including a well-know quebecoise singer (forget her name but she was a bitch). I hesitate to post this because I know i'm going to get roasted over it, but one comedian used to come to the bar after his show and give me $20 bucks for making him a salami sandwich.* Another one gave me a 50 for letting him and his gf on the roof after midnight.
Reply
Reply
post #40 of 207
7/25/07 at 5:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by GQgeek View Post
I haven't worked in a restaurant in a long time, but now that I think of it, my biggest tips were always from men (queue joke from ed). With the exception of girl I was dating's mother, I can't remember a single generous tip from women, including a well-know quebecoise singer (forget her name but she was a bitch). I hesitate to post this because I know i'm going to get roasted over it, but one comedian used to come to the bar after his show and give me $20 bucks for making him a salami sandwich.* Another one gave me a 50 for letting him and his gf on the roof after midnight.


The joke here is your grammer, WTF are you saying????
Reply
Reply
post #41 of 207
7/25/07 at 5:14pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by GQgeek View Post
I haven't worked in a restaurant in a long time, but now that I think of it, my biggest tips were always from men (queue joke from ed). With the exception of girl I was dating's mother, I can't remember a single generous tip from women, including a well-know quebecoise singer (forget her name but she was a bitch). I hesitate to post this because I know i'm going to get roasted over it, but one comedian used to come to the bar after his show and give me $20 bucks for making him a salami sandwich.* Another one gave me a 50 for letting him and his gf on the roof after midnight.

Well, he provided the salami and you were half the sandwich, who was the other guy?

(look if you are going to make it that easy and egg me on......)
Reply
Reply
post #42 of 207
7/25/07 at 5:17pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by iammatt View Post
I think that a man should pay as a rule on all dates. If a woman wants to pay one time as a nice surprise, fine, but in the normal ocurse of things I would not feel comfortable with a woman paying for me.

+1, never understood how or why a guy would want to go Dutch on a first date with a chick he is trying to get romantically involved with. There are certain things that we should be old school about and this is one of them (along with always holding a door open for a lady or going through revolving doors first so that she does not have to push them)
Reply
Reply
post #43 of 207
7/25/07 at 5:45pm
there is something really cool about old school ettiquette.

i still go through the efforts of laying my sportcoat on the muddy sidewalk on a rainy day for some lady to step across. hey, it's ruined, but hey, it's old school.
Reply
Reply
post #44 of 207
7/25/07 at 5:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by diorshoe View Post
there is something really cool about old school ettiquette.

i still go through the efforts of laying my sportcoat on the muddy sidewalk on a rainy day for some lady to step across. hey, it's ruined, but hey, it's old school.

Not the Turnbull, please, not the Turnbull.
Reply
Reply
post #45 of 207
7/25/07 at 5:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by diorshoe View Post
there is something really cool about old school ettiquette.

i still go through the efforts of laying my sportcoat on the muddy sidewalk on a rainy day for some lady to step across. hey, it's ruined, but hey, it's old school.

You're either very rich, insane, or you don't have very nice sportcoats.

The thought of putting something I paid anywhere from 1-3k for on the wet and muddy ground for somebody to step on is unfathomable..
Reply
Reply
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
Styleforum › Forums › Lifestyle › Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel › Paying on a first date