Late Night Shots - Article - Page 3

can we spread lns invites and go trolling. i'd like sf super elitists to show them up with anna matuozzo and rubinacci

this article is totally wrong. UNC is not elite

do they like apples?

To be fair to those douchebags I ask girls if they "like that republican cock" all the time.

Courtesy of LNS: 10 Tips From a Georgetown Bouncer #1: Don't borrow items from the bar It's not an illegal search or seizure if I insist on grabbing the cup in your pocket or the picture you have stuffed in your pants. The louder you are in complaining about having to give up the items, the better the odds that a police officer wander over to analyze the constitutionality of what's going on. #2: Stick to your own bathroom One time I saw a girl walk into the men's bathroom and drop trow in front of a urinal. Don't do this. If the line for the women's bathroom isn't moving, just wait longer. After the incident I described, all guys in the bathroom walked out of the bathroom and immediately told their friends. But I'm sure those people didn't tell anyone else. #3: Don't treat bathroom stalls like clown cars I realize that some people do drugs at bars, mostly very inconspicuously, and I have no desire to get involved. But if I walk into a bathroom and see three people huddled into the handicapped stall you give me no choice but to step in. This sort of reckless behavior will eventually lead to the D.E.A. showing up at the bar. And you'll likely be faced with that unsavory dilemma of deciding whether rat someone out and risk getting your knees capped or accepting a possession charge. #4: Dipping helps me pass the time Bouncing is very tedious and boring. It can also be very uncomfortable when it's cold outside. Sure, dipping isn't the healthiest habit but it helps pass the time. I'm very aware of all the health risks associated with it, but believe me, I'm working as a bouncer at a bar from 9 to 3 in the morning so I've got a lot bigger concerns than the color of my teeth. Spare me the questions about what's in my mouth. No, it isn't sunflower seeds and it's not gum. If my copenhagen grosses you out, go to a different bar where the bouncers dip something with a nicer aroma like Skoal citrus. #5: You don't know the owner If you know the owner and he isn't calling or returning your texts to help you get in the door, you don't know the owner. In fact, my experience with friends of the owner is that they wait in line, don't cause problems and never make a spectacle so as to avoid making their friend's bar look bad. #6: Be careful when you're leaving, ladies I have no intention of being an asshole, and neither do most bouncers. But if you're leaving the bar with your fourth different guy in the past month, I would suggest you don't start a conversation with the bouncers on the way out. There is a distinct possibility that one of us will slip and make a comment to the guy under the assumption that he's the same guy as last time. Conversations involving you, your sexual partner for the night and the bouncers are bad for business for all involved. They're very awkward for everyone and will end up making the new guy think you are a slut. So for your own good, just walk out quietly and pretend we're not there. We'll happily pretend we don't see you. #7: It doesn't matter that you work in real estate Contrary to what you may believe, there is no provision in the door policy that says I should let in anyone who claims that they are a budding real estate mogul and that they may even own the building in which the bar is located. Surprisingly, it doesn't even give you carte blanche at the door if you threw a modest fundraiser for a local city councilman just last week. Remember, these rules aren't mine, but those of the owners, so I don't have the discretion to make off-the-cuff decisions at the bar based upon how impressed I am by your job description or your business card. #8: Dancing with bouncers If you start dancing with me and rubbing your hands all over my body I'm probably not going to reciprocate because it makes me look like a creep. And please keep in mind it doesn't make you look sexy. It makes you look like someone who is alone at the bar and has no one else to dance with. And everyone watching recognizes this. #9: How to bribe a bouncer I'm all for taking bribes to try to help you skip the line, but it's very difficult to do without getting fired. I understand that most people aren't interested in offering bribes, but if you are please take the following steps. First, if there are other bouncers around, do not try it. Second, if there is no one else around please realize I am likely being monitored on video cameras. With this in mind, remove your girlfriend's scarf, wrap a 50 dollar bill in it, walk up to me and tell me that you mistakenly left with someone else's article of clothing. Then tell me you'd like to go inside to retrieve the item that you left inside. Call the bar the next day and pick up the scarf that you gave me. #10: I make fifteen dollars per hour I make $15/hour while working at night trying to pay for my mid-range graduate school degree. Yelling at the top of your lungs to everyone in line after getting turned away at the door that I make $15/hour while working at night trying to pay my grad school bills isn't embarrassing for me. I know that you make a lot more than I do working on Capitol Hill or accepting a draw from your real estate firm. Unfortunately I have to pay taxes on my wages, unlike bartenders, but it helps keep me afloat nonetheless

I thought LNS had died off, but I occasionally get the newsletter in my inbox. Looks like I haven't been missing much since I left DC.