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Dating call back question…

post #1 of 286
Thread Starter 
So a buddy of mine is dating this chick and at his b-day party about a 1 ½ weeks ago I met his sister and we struck up a good report. At the end of the night I asked her for her number and she asked me for mine, we both noticed that we have a lot in common. Two days later I called her to go out to dinner the next night. She said that she wasn't sure what she was doing, but that she would call me back the next day.

The next day I had something come up in Miami however, so when she called me to go out for a drink I was busy and was unable to go out with her that night. We then spoke on Wednesday for about an hour on the phone, but didn't establish any concrete plans to go out. She said she would call me on the next day. The next day passes and she doesn't call, so I causally call back the day after.

So, when I called her (this is now on Friday) we make soft plans to go out on Monday (her friend just came back from Israel and was visiting before going back up north, thus she was quite busy). She said she would call later that night to figure out what to do. Well, the whole weekend passes and she doesn't call. I was going to call her on Monday, but then she beat me too it, and we went out on Monday.

We ended up hanging out for 6 hours (we have so much in common it's really uncanny, not only the way we think, but what we like as well), when I took her back home I met her mom and everything went really well. We were constantly talking about going out to do other things, the whole night went exceedingly well, I thought.

So I called her on Tuesday and left her a voice message saying that I had a great time and that we should go out again (since in my experience its better to be quick than dead, and girls have moaned to me about not calling back the next day, etc...). Well, so far she hasn't returned my call...and every time I've left a voice message she's called me back within 2-3 hours. Am I SOL or am I making a mountain out of an ant hill?

Jon.
post #2 of 286
She's fucking with you. Give it time, then call her again. If she blows you off again then the first date didn't go as well as you thought.
post #3 of 286
Tough to say what's going on. You didn't propose any plans in your Tuesday call, so maybe she wants you to try harder. Or she's blowing you off. The only way to find out is to call her tonight and ask her out for Friday or Saturday.
post #4 of 286
To be clear, that Tuesday voice mail she has not yet returned was yesterday, right?
post #5 of 286
It sounds like it went well, so I'm guessing she's either following some rulebook, has psychological issues, or genuinely is unable to return your call. You need to display high value by not leaving a pile of messages and making it clear that you're not going to put up with her fucking around. If you haven't heard from her in a few days it's acceptable (possibly preferred) to enquire through your backchannel network.
post #6 of 286
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by gdl203 View Post
To be clear, that Tuesday voice mail she has not yet returned was yesterday, right?

Yes, yesterday. Ok, I was about to leave, but she wanted me to stay and go out back for a "˜little bit', that little bit turned into another 2 hours and she didn't want the convo / date to end, but we both had to get up in the morning. And yes, we both complimented (as in: actual compliments) each other, and I made her blush twice.

Jon.
post #7 of 286
If the call was last night, she may have been busy. I would give her tonight and tomorrow to respond.
post #8 of 286
Chill. Shit happens. People get busy, they get sick, whatever. Not that my life is something anyone should use as a model, but fwiw there was something like a 6-8 week gap between my first date with my wife and the second date. She got sick, we both got busy with work, etc. A couple of women -- not surprisingly, women who remain bitterly single to this day -- told her not to see me again because I didn't call her the day after our first date. After she cancelled or postponed our second date a couple of times for different reasons, I did have some question about whether I was getting a "slow no". But both of us felt like we'd made a decent connection and that the other was a nice person, so we cut each other some slack and just took it easy.
A delay of a day or two in responding to a voice mail is far too little for you to start worrying or conjuring up conspiracy theories about what her "motivation" might be.
post #9 of 286
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jared View Post
It sounds like it went well, so I'm guessing she's either following some rulebook, has psychological issues, or genuinely is unable to return your call. You need to display high value by not leaving a pile of messages and making it clear that you're not going to put up with her fucking around. If you haven't heard from her in a few days it's acceptable (possibly preferred) to enquire through your backchannel network.

I'm doing that already, my friend, who is dating her sister brought up the date and we talked. As well, he is coming over the house tomorrow to shoot some pool, so I'm sure the subject will come up again (he asked me twice to find an apartment together, so we are on very good terms as friends).

I only left the one message and am playing the situation as coolly as I can.

Jon.
post #10 of 286
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lawyerdad View Post
Chill. Shit happens. People get busy, they get sick, whatever. Not that my life is something anyone should use as a model, but fwiw there was something like a 6-8 week gap between my first date with my wife and the second date. She got sick, we both got busy with work, etc. A couple of women -- not surprisingly, women who remain bitterly single to this day -- told her not to see me again because I didn't call her the day after our first date. After she cancelled or postponed our second date a couple of times for different reasons, I did have some question about whether I was getting a "slow no". But both of us felt like we'd made a decent connection and that the other was a nice person, so we cut each other some slack and just took it easy.
A delay of a day or two in responding to a voice mail is far too little for you to start worrying or conjuring up conspiracy theories about what her "motivation" might be.

Well, the only two things I though would be her "˜motivation' are:

She doesn't want to see me again, or something came up.

If I came off like a conspiracy theorist, then I misrepresented myself. I fucking hate dating.

Jon.
post #11 of 286
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ambulance Chaser View Post
If the call was last night, she may have been busy. I would give her tonight and tomorrow to respond.

It was yesterday afternoon, at around 3.

Jon.
post #12 of 286
Quote:
Originally Posted by imageWIS View Post
Well, the only two things I though would be her "˜motivation' are:

She doesn't want to see me again, or something came up.

If I came off like a conspiracy theorist, then I misrepresented myself. I fucking hate dating.

Jon.

No, you didn't come off as a conspiracy theorist at all. That was intended more as a caution against buying into the type of theorizing that people tend to offer up in threads like this. When you've met someone you like, the temptation to overthink things is strong. IMHO, resisting that temptation to the extent possible is important.
post #13 of 286
Quote:
Originally Posted by imageWIS View Post
So a buddy of mine is dating this chick and at his b-day party about a 1 ½ weeks ago I met his sister and we struck up a good report. At the end of the night I asked her for her number and she asked me for mine, we both noticed that we have a lot in common. Two days later I called her to go out to dinner the next night. She said that she wasn’t sure what she was doing, but that she would call me back the next day. The next day I had something come up in Miami however, so when she called me to go out for a drink I was busy and was unable to go out with her that night. We then spoke on Wednesday for about an hour on the phone, but didn’t establish any concrete plans to go out. She said she would call me on the next day. The next day passes and she doesn’t call, so I causally call back the day after. So, when I called her (this is now on Friday) we make soft plans to go out on Monday (her friend just came back from Israel and was visiting before going back up north, thus she was quite busy). She said she would call later that night to figure out what to do. Well, the whole weekend passes and she doesn’t call. I was going to call her on Monday, but then she beat me too it, and we went out on Monday. We ended up hanging out for 6 hours (we have so much in common it’s really uncanny, not only the way we think, but what we like as well), when I took her back home I met her mom and everything went really well. We were constantly talking about going out to do other things, the whole night went exceedingly well, I thought. So I called her on Tuesday and left her a voice message saying that I had a great time and that we should go out again (since in my experience its better to be quick than dead, and girls have moaned to me about not calling back the next day, etc…). Well, so far she hasn’t returned my call…and every time I’ve left a voice message she’s called me back within 2-3 hours. Am I SOL or am I making a mountain out of an ant hill? Jon.
You mean you called her Tuesday, as in yesterday, and she hasn't called back yet? This is not a big deal. Shit happens that keeps a person from returning a call. You said she already waited a weekend to call once when she was supposed to call that night, so she clearly doesn't think it's out of the ordinary not to call in a few days. She could be trying to blow you off, but I think that's unlikely if your date really went as good as described. Or should could simply be scaling back on her indicators of interest so as not to seem too eager. But I'm betting she just hasn't gotten around to calling you back yet.
post #14 of 286
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lawyerdad View Post
No, you didn't come off as a conspiracy theorist at all. That was intended more as a caution against buying into the type of theorizing that people tend to offer up in threads like this. When you've met someone you like, the temptation to overthink things is strong. IMHO, resisting that temptation to the extent possible is important.

Wise words. I still hate dating. BTW, I should have mentioned that I get a bit crazy and tend to over think, when it comes to...everything, really.

Jon.
post #15 of 286
Quote:
Originally Posted by imageWIS View Post
Wise words. I still hate dating. BTW, I should have mentioned that I get a bit crazy and tend to over think, when it comes to...everything, really.
In the future, please provide a visual timeline so we can see at a glance that you're freaking out about nothing.
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