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Being an introvert in a relationship with an extrovert

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 

I've got a question for the forum regulars:

 

I have always been a very introverted guy (solidly INFJ on the Meyers Briggs scale). However, I'm not helpless socially. I'm well-liked at work, I'm a teacher who maintains good working relationships with adult students and co-workers, and I actively/energetically contribute socially when in very small groups. However, I get uncomfortable, fatigued, and often anxious after a short time in larger settings. I'm beginning to believe this is just my nature.

 

Problem is, the girl I'm seeing now has a very large, active family. They seem to have parties or gatherings about every weekend, and it's a bit overwhelming for me. My work week is filled with so much social interaction that I feel drained by the weekends, and now I'm unable get that recharge on Saturdays or Sundays. Thing is, I really like this girl, we've been dating for about six months and everything else is great. And I know this time is important for her, that she feeds off the group dynamic and of course has a strong relationship with her family, which is great. But it feels like we might not be a good fit long term. I don't know how I don't eventually spaz out in this situation. 

 

Any wisdom? 

post #2 of 29
Why don't you talk to her about this and tell her exactly what you posted here and go from there?
post #3 of 29
And you don't have to go to every event every weekend.
Do you have hobbies? Friends? Etc?
post #4 of 29
Grow up.
post #5 of 29
Thread Starter 

Just to give you some background, I moved to where I live now about a year and a half ago. I have lived abroad in a variety of places the last 7 years, and I have always been able to develop a few close relationships in each place. Therefore, most of my closest friends are overseas, though we still stay in decent contact.

 

I have a very close friend here I hang out with, though not as much since starting my relationship with my gf six months ago. I have another very strong work-related friendship, and a handful of acquaintances I'll do stuff like play poker with. I'm probably closest with my immediate family, but only get to see them every couple months or so. 

 

As for hobbies, I like indoor gardening, lifting weights, running outside (I live near the Riverwalk in San Antonio - it's beautiful), and I am hooked on playing the guitar (just started about six months ago). I'm into design and fashion, obviously. Music, movies, and TV series also take up a lot of my time. 

 

I don't feel like I'm a total whack job loner. In fact, I'd be quite miserable not seeing anyone for a full day. But still, I'd be perfectly content being alone all but 2-3 hours of my day. And I feel like lately I've been on a social treadmill I can barely keep up with. 

post #6 of 29
So if there are events EVERY wknd and you don't want to attend one...just tell her!
Edited by ter1413 - 2/3/14 at 5:13am
post #7 of 29
break up and adopt a hundred cats
Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)
just kidding- does your girl know how deeply introverted you are? more importantly, how much are you both willing to adjust for each other- specially you?
post #8 of 29
This is exactly my girlfriend and I. I'm very ISTJ. Basically, we have talked about it a lot and she's come to understand that I need time alone. It took her a whole to understand that my requiring alone time had nothing to do with her and everything to do with me.

You need to communicate that to her. Yes, you also need to suck it up and go to important things but you can make a compromise that you don't have to stay the entire time and you can skip a family get together every now and then.

If she likes you then she will understand.
post #9 of 29

I'm a IN** and my wife is a EN**. I'm in the same boat. you pick and choose your spots. You don't need to attend every event. And eventually if it works out, her family will figure you out and hopefully accept you for who you are. Nowadays when I go to events, I pick a spot on the couch and read a mag or zone out on the ipad and no one takes a second glance at me. They know thats just how I am.

post #10 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by cb78 View Post

I'm a IN** and my wife is a EN**. I'm in the same boat. you pick and choose your spots. You don't need to attend every event. And eventually if it works out, her family will figure you out and hopefully accept you for who you are. Nowadays when I go to events, I pick a spot on the couch and read a mag or zone out on the ipad and no one takes a second glance at me. They know thats just how I am.

You take an iPad to an event?
baldy[1].gif
post #11 of 29
I'm an entj, gf of 4 years is an introvert. Works fine, just que the other when you've had enough or need people. I have a lot of meetings/meet ups she doesn't participate in and stays at home, scurrying around the house. Gives me a lot of freedom, and in return I don't complain when we leave somewhere early when she wants to.

Key word is: communicate
If you care about each other you respects each other's needs and quirks (I HATE large 100+ people crowds, so she'll never ask me to come to a festival.)
post #12 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by ter1413 View Post


You take an iPad to an event?
baldy[1].gif

yea sure, by event i mean a family dinner at the in-laws place or beach outing. whats wrong with that?

post #13 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by cb78 View Post

yea sure, by event i mean a family dinner at the in-laws place or beach outing. whats wrong with that?

Family dinner? I mean......can't you dis-connect from the inter-web/technology for a few hours?
post #14 of 29
^ It's not about the internet, its about not wanting people in his face.foo.gif
post #15 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedLantern View Post

^ It's not about the internet, its about not wanting people in his face.foo.gif

Well, that and displaying an utter lack of manners.
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