Post your five favorite bands and I will mock and generalize you.

Do as I command you (no joke posts all "LOL REMEMBER STRYPER OH WOW" you're not funny I'll smash you no seriously).

I appreciate your compliance.

Bergdorf Goodwill
CONTENT MACHINE

You are a huge, painfully white, dated pussy. If your appreciation of Journey is on some semi-ironic level you are all the more reprehensible. You sicken me.

You seem like the kind of guy who'd buy bootleg DVD-Rs of Veronica Mars on eBay. What a fucking creep you are.


No wonder you need a new bag. That kind of taste is always accompanied by a preposterous number of one inch buttons. You probably ripped up your Jack Spade bag when you were removing your Ink & Dagger pins to put on an Elf Power pin. Fuck you.

I can only imagine you frequently preface your actions with a "What would D. Boon do, man?" Your greatest ambition is to one day be able to open your compact disc copy of fROMOHIO by fIREHOSE, which is at present fused together with bong resin. You are washed up and wear a corduroy jacket.

The sale of the Converse brand to Nike gave you serious pause. You thought about getting the Blackspots but Jim O'Rourke never wore no fuckin' Blackspots. You have toasted many a load to the "cute girl at the record store," and probably purchased Rites of Spring vinyl in a hapless attempt to pique her interest. She (and her rude ass titties) doesn't even know you exist and she got HPV from a member of the Locust anyway.