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How do I fix my social life/ make one?

post #1 of 88
Thread Starter 

I am a 20 year old college student going into my 3rd year. I have always had trouble makin friends, never really knew how to make em. I also don't really know how to talk to girls either. When I do end up in social circles each time the group comes of as indifferent to me each time. There is this one group i tried to make friends with for the first two years of college, i did go to parties with them, i did hang out them too, as they lived on the same floor at the dorms. Each time it felt like a total waste of time though. 

 

The group doesn't include me at all. They don't invite me out, i always have to tag along or keep after them just to know their plans.  They don't talk to me unless maybe I talk to them but they don't seem to show any interest in talking.

Its always them talking to each other with me on the sidelines. I am just that one guy who shows up and they just seem to tolerate me. 

 

This situation happens everytime i try to make friends.  My main problem I think in social life is being included. What frustrated me alot was another guy came along and made friends with that group instantly. They just started including that guy not long after they met him as if he was a part of the group for years.

 

I figured i needed to find another group of friends, so I tried becomin a part of 3 groups of friends and they show little to no interest in having me around.  


Maybe i am not interesting enough, i really never had much going on so far so i dont have much cool stories to tell. 

 

 

Any suggestions to fix this? What are some ways that i can be more interesting to talk to?

 

 

I know i will be told that it takes PRACTICE to get a social life, but how does one do that? 

post #2 of 88
Focus on yourself, for now. Not on attempting to impress or gain favor in certain social circles. You say you aren't interesting. Work on that. If you have nothing worth sharing with others, there is little reason for people to want to be your friend.
post #3 of 88
Ask people questions about themselves, but not in an integrative manner. People like to go-on about the things they enjoy.
post #4 of 88

...


Edited by conradwu - 7/16/13 at 5:15pm
post #5 of 88
Thread Starter 

i like how you originally wrote a big response then you delete it to "..."

post #6 of 88
Thread Starter 

it was helpful though 

post #7 of 88

People love talking about themselves so that is always a question to ask.  If the say something that may happen in the future such as "I am looking for a car this weekend" ask them how that went.  If you want to make small talk you will need to find common ground.  Clubs, sports, tv shows, movies, music. Small talk is the way of life as getting a job these days means you need to be able to small talk about something other than the weather.

post #8 of 88
1) If you've spent two years trying to get in with the same group of people and it's not working, move on. You can't force friendship. Some people just aren't ever going to get along with some other people. Hanging out and watching other people talk does not sound like a rewarding experience.

2) If you want good friends, learn how to become one. This isn't meant as an attack and you could be a darn good friend already in terms of things like loyalty, etc. The idea is as someone already said to focus on yourself. If you become more interesting, well rounded, loyal, etc., these things attract people to you and make them more likely to want to hang out with you. If you think you're a bit boring, become more interesting. If you don't want lots of awkward silences and want better conversations, get better at making small talk to be sure you're pulling your weight. The list goes on. This of course requires you to be brutally honest with yourself about what you are good at and not so good at.

3) Expand your horizons. Seek out people with something in common with you. Figure out what you're passionate about. Find other people who share those interests. At the very least, you're assured of having something to talk about.

Try this for 3 months. The quality, quantity or both or your friendships should go up.
post #9 of 88
I've got to say, if you're finding it difficult to meet people in school, you're in trouble after you graduate.

That said, it's difficult to suggest anything since we know nothing about you. I'd recommend just being more assertive in conversations and be sure to have opinions and be able to back them up. Even if most people think you're wrong. Simply, don't be an asshole and be interesting enough to keep around. Also, try starting conversations with strangers. If they find it awkward, stop. If not, keep talking. You'll be surprised by how many people will actually talk with you.
post #10 of 88
What are your hobbies and interests? What are you studying in school? Do you have a job or internship or anything? It's really tough to make friends out of school unless you work somewhere like a bar or in retail where you come in contact with people your age on a frequent basis.
post #11 of 88
Thread Starter 

@Superfluous Man,  uhh answering ur question my hobbies/interests are guitar, anime, video games, electronics,readin. 

 

Im studying electrical engineering at school, and ya i have a job(where i am at right now lol) 

post #12 of 88

Churches have social events and people are friendly. My former church had a singles group night out to the movies. They also have small group study and it is easy to talk to people and meet people for coffee or lunch. You may find students from your university are involved and will introduce you to their friends.

 

I know some may dismiss it because it is religious, but many of the nicest people are in Church.

post #13 of 88
Thread Starter 

i prolly shud address this, i am fine at makin acquaintances when i meet people, but it never gets better than that. Whats a way i can get past the acquaintance phase or whatever it is called?

post #14 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by magicman221 View Post

i prolly shud address this, i am fine at makin acquaintances when i meet people, but it never gets better than that. Whats a way i can get past the acquaintance phase or whatever it is called?

Be comfortable in your own skin and talking about things you are interested in. People sense easy going and like it.

 

Be a good listener and learn to be interested in what others talk about, even if it is not your favorite topic. Expand your interests to include new things. If you are a guy then a good start is to spend some time at Yahoo Sports and read what's happening in sports. Everyone talks about sports.

 

I think when people are uncomfortable they give off a vibe that will keep people from forming trust. If you feel like an outsider then people will sense that and treat you that way. Feel like you belong there and have a good time.

 

A few basics, and please don't be insulted. Shower every day. Wear clean washed cloths every day. Use one spray of cologne and pick something popular in your age group. Comb your hair and don't be afraid to use a little gel or hair spray. Look your best even when you have nowhere to go and nothing to do. Don't wear beat up clothing or shoes.

post #15 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by Upward View Post

Be comfortable in your own skin and talking about things you are interested in.
Quote:
If you are a guy then a good start is to spend some time at Yahoo Sports and read what's happening in sports. Everyone talks about sports.

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