I'm not sure your place is TradConFoofable. It's like being asked to turn a contemporary art museum into a cartoon vampire mansion. Everything would have to be emptied out. Except the Armadillo. It has cross-disciplinary applications.
Well, I take that back.
Insert this in place of your living room sofa:
And switch out your Cappellini coffee table for this:
Then everything else will be sucked into the ConTrad blackhole. Jasper Morrison doesn't stand a chance against the combined force of Ethan Allen and Pottery Barn.