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How can I get some kind of dating life going? - Page 3

post #31 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by lawyerdad View Post

Eh, this is tricky for someone who lacks confidence about dating and probably telegraphs that. Of course great romantic/sexual relationships can grow out of strong friendships, and of course you should treat women you are interested as friends in the sense of treating them with courtesy, respect, etc. But for someone like the OP -- recognizing that when I say "someone like the OP" I'm making a bunch of assumptions based on a few internet posts - it can be tough to climb out of the friend zone if that's where things start out. I would look at it a bit differently -- if he is attracted to and interested in a woman, he should make that clear from the start. If she doesn't feel the same way or the chemistry isn't there, he can decide whether he's interested in making the effort to remain friends (and, of course, meeting her girlfriends).

Tricky perhaps but in the end the better yield. If, after a couple of dates you cannot see yourself hanging around this person just for fun, you'll never advance to deeper interests.
post #32 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cary Grant View Post

Tricky perhaps but in the end the better yield.

I think that's debatable at best.
post #33 of 48
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lawyerdad View Post

I think that's debatable at best.

I need to get to the point where this is an issue to worry about. It's a decision point I haven't reached in years.
post #34 of 48
If the go
Quote:
Originally Posted by lawyerdad View Post

I think that's debatable at best.
al is eventually marriage then friendship had to be there.
post #35 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by dapperdude View Post

I need to get to the point where this is an issue to worry about. It's a decision point I haven't reached in years.

Ha, fair point. Obviously much of it is context dependent. If I could distill it to a single point of advice, it would be this:

Just try it - whatever "it" is. Ask out the neighbor or barrista girl or friend-of-a-friend who appeals to you. Or simply strike up a friendly conversation with the cute girl standing in line next to you at the market. Or make the move to initiate a physical relationship with a female friend who attacts you. As long as you conduct yourself respectfully and don't make stupid choices like asking out a subordinate at work, the downside is pretty limited. Even when the result is an embarrassing failure, it's a whole lot less painful and more fleeting in reality than in your imagination. And the more you push gently at those boundaries, the less restrictive they'll feel.

Good luck and have fun.
post #36 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cary Grant View Post

If the go
al is eventually marriage then friendship had to be there.
No shit.
post #37 of 48
rolleyes.gif
post #38 of 48
OP, you live in Austin? The city has a great dating scene. Haven't read the whole thread, but is there some reason you can't start hanging out with friends on the weekends downtown? You should be able to start meeting some women. I find the girls here are very easy to talk to and get to know. Not standoffish at all.
post #39 of 48
jesus christ if jr mouse is getting tail there is no excuse for anyone else that does not look like Louie Anderson
post #40 of 48
Guess you would be surprised if you really knew me, ed.

OP, if you need some advice on where to go out and have a good chance of meeting people I can help. I've lived in North VA, DC and all over Texas. Honestly, it's been easier to meet women here in Austin then any city I have lived in. If you look at the statistics, they back this up. There is a favorable amount of single ladies here, per male.
post #41 of 48
You need to make friends, if not, you're going to want to put yourself into situations and places where the opposite sex is also there alone and not with a group of people. If I met a girl at a bar that was there alone, I'd either think she was an alcoholic, had no friends, or had just moved into the area. I doubt you'll get the benefit of the doubt in that situation. I guess there's always a chance some personable, grounded, attractive lady walks into a bar alone looking to meet men, but truthfully a single guy cannot get away with the same things a single lady can. Your other option is to be intoxicated wherever you go. I mean wherever you go. This will alleviate your social anxieties and boost your confidence, likely resulting in an overly confident and aggressive approach to women leaving you unsuccessful and spiraling into your gin-soaked late 30's still single but now with a drinking problem.
post #42 of 48
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jr Mouse View Post

Guess you would be surprised if you really knew me, ed.

OP, if you need some advice on where to go out and have a good chance of meeting people I can help. I've lived in North VA, DC and all over Texas. Honestly, it's been easier to meet women here in Austin then any city I have lived in. If you look at the statistics, they back this up. There is a favorable amount of single ladies here, per male.

Hi, JrMouse. Yup, in Austin. I know lots of places. It's impossible not to walk or drive past bars and other nightlife on my way to work everyday.

As the other posters suggested I don't really have friends that I regularly go out with, and I don't want to go to bars alone.

That's why I'm kind of focused on singles mixers, meetup groups, etc., right now.

Saturday I'm getting together with some old co-space co-workers to play cards at some bar downtown. There are several cute girls in that group.
post #43 of 48
Thread Starter 
So the cooking thing turned out not to be a cooking class per se, but a singles mixer hosted at a commerical kitchen, with some cooking demos by an executive chef, cocktails, games (blind taste tests), etc. There was absolutely no risk of appearing "husbandish" at this thing. smile.gif

I met a few nice girls. It was good to get out, talk and meet people. I got one girl's number. Overall it was good just to get out my rut and being able to easily talk to unfamiliar women in a social situation, definitely a confidence-booster.

The stress from my job change recently, the daylight savings time change and getting over a bad cold during SXSW (dealing with concert noise issues and sleep problems from the medication I was on) all happening simultaneously was just rough on me, and sometimes I react with rigid rules and by withdrawing from situations I find unpleasant or challenging. My original post reflects that. I was really feeling shitty, sick and sleep-deprived but I'm moving forward. My calendar is filled with mixers, conferences, speed-dating events, etc.
post #44 of 48
Thread Starter 
It was also a confidence boost to compare myself with the other guys at this event.

By contrast, I feel I was more approachable and comfortable in this situation. There was one guy there who apparently has been to many of these events, and been rejected by one of the girls there. He was telling me this nice girl I just met is a "total bitch" because she wasn't interested in him. He was also hitting on the hostess (who actually was the most physically attractive woman at this event, but she wasn't there to be a participant). She later told me he's a bit of a creeper based on some of the things he was talking about. The other two guys didn't seem to be enjoying themselves that much.
post #45 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jr Mouse View Post

Guess you would be surprised if you really knew me, ed.

OP, if you need some advice on where to go out and have a good chance of meeting people I can help. I've lived in North VA, DC and all over Texas. Honestly, it's been easier to meet women here in Austin then any city I have lived in. If you look at the statistics, they back this up. There is a favorable amount of single ladies here, per male.

you mean you are not the dude in your avatar confused.gif

dapperdude, that is great news. With this new girl, you don't wan to seem desperate/needy but also not so nonchalant that you let her get away. Fot tips on what to do, go to the Manton's Courtship Advice thread, read the posts by edinatlanta and then do the exact opposite.
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