Originally Posted by edmorel
dapperdude, I hate these types of threads for multiple reasons but I sense that you feel like you have a legitimate problem and I'm not that heartless. First off, what is your social situation?
Thank you for your interest. I'm single...
What do you do for fun? Do you got to bars, have a large group of friends, travel etc. In other words, in your day to day life, how often do you have the opportunity to meet/talk to women?
Mostly I do stuff by myself. Music, movies, etc. I go running and workout (swimming, weights, etc.) a lot -- solitary activities.
I've tried going to bars, and I feel miserable there without anyone I know, but I just don't have that many real friends. Coordinating with the friends I do have is always a pain.
I'm *very* independent-minded. If people want to go out at 9pm, I'm not going to because I keep a regular sleep schedule. I feel like I need to find new friends who share some of the same values and interests, which is why I've started going to more meetups.
I was freelancing for a bit, and I got to know some people at a co-working space. The cool thing about that is they would do social stuff -- go out to bars, throw parties, etc., and I took full advantage of that. I still see that group of people from time to time (there was a party the other weekend where I caught up with a few people, and met some new). Quitting my last full-time job and doing that for awhile was the best thing that happened to my social life. However, I decided to go back to working full time (as a software engineer) because I need the $ and haven't seen those people in awhile.
I thought about pursuing one girl I knew from that group, but I found she was seeing someone else from there, so I didn't.
My line of work is another factor in this. It's been terrible for my social life in general, but especially when it comes to meeting women.
Second, how remote do you live? Are you in a small town where you bump into the same people all the time or do you live like the unabomber in a shack away from civilization? Are you a recluse, live with your parents?
I own my a really nice home right smack in the middle of Austin, close to bars, nightlife, Town Lake, etc.
Lastly, in an honest assestment, how do you compare physically to other guys your age? Are you overweight, badly dressed, "eccentric" etc?
I'm short/small, good shape (5'6" 140 lbs, athletic build). I guess I feel I don't compare that favorably. I am comfortable with myself but I know that my physical appearance is not my strength.
I could do more to improve my style. I have gone through spurts of trying harder, but got disappointed and gave up. I have a closet full of expensive things that I bought and never wear.
I don't believe in any of the PUA or dating advisors stuff, maybe for young guys starting to date, but not for a man you age. I'd like to think that a 36 year old has had enough social interaction where if you find yourself in a possible romantic situation, you would know how to take advantage of it. But then I read about your "long distance" girlfriend (she wasn't your girlfriend) and your wussing out and I think that maybe you need more remedial help.
The long-distance thing was stupid and regrettable, but it was real. We got together many times over the course of a 2+-year period.
I would ask myself, why did I wuss out on that young girl. Why was I able to have a long distance relationship with someone but can't seem to have the same with a person close by. In other words, what are you looking for in a mate and are your expectations realistic. What do you have to offer to a woman? How do you best relay that? Will you consider simply having sex with a woman, with no possibility or desire for a relationship (the answer to that is yes btw). from the little you've said, you sound to me like a guy that does not get out much, has a small group of friends, if that, and is lacking in confidence, social grace and an overall desire to sex up women. There is nothing wronmg with any of that, but you would have to change some of it if you want to have success with women.
Good points, and good questions. I don't have all the answers obviously.