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Do you expect compliments when dressing up?

post #1 of 71
Thread Starter 
I had a thought the other day when trying to decide on my next pair of dress shoes, do men expect compliments from women (and other men) when we dress up, or do you do it for your own sartorial edification? I think it's a given that most of us feel a sense of pride and confidence when we wear a suit, but do you enjoy the attention if someone comes up to you and asks you about your shoes or tie? Does it make you feel weird if a guy comes up to you and says, "I really like your cap toes. Are they shell cordovan?"

I'll admit, I don't get many opportunities to dress up. I attend the occasional fundraiser every year, go to random weddings or take my wife out to a fancy restaurant. But, i'm of the opinion that it's better to have a nice suit & shoes and not need it, than to need a nice suit and shoes and not have it. In a weird sort of way I do watch what other men are wearing, be it the cut of their suit, the shine on their shoes or the way their tie is dimpled (or not). Sadly, most of the men I see look like they dress themselves in the dark, so i've yet to be impressed by someone's mode of dress outside of SF and AAAC.

what about you?
post #2 of 71

I don't expect them, but I do like to get them.

post #3 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by gaseousclay View Post

I had a thought the other day when trying to decide on my next pair of dress shoes, do men expect compliments from women (and other men) when we dress up, or do you do it for your own sartorial edification? I think it's a given that most of us feel a sense of pride and confidence when we wear a suit, but do you enjoy the attention if someone comes up to you and asks you about your shoes or tie? Does it make you feel weird if a guy comes up to you and says, "I really like your cap toes. Are they shell cordovan?"

I'll admit, I don't get many opportunities to dress up. I attend the occasional fundraiser every year, go to random weddings or take my wife out to a fancy restaurant. But, i'm of the opinion that it's better to have a nice suit & shoes and not need it, than to need a nice suit and shoes and not have it. In a weird sort of way I do watch what other men are wearing, be it the cut of their suit, the shine on their shoes or the way their tie is dimpled (or not). Sadly, most of the men I see look like they dress themselves in the dark, so i've yet to be impressed by someone's mode of dress outside of SF and AAAC.

what about you?

maybe I dress like crap, but random dudes do not go up to other random dudes where I live and compliment them on their clothes. Coworkers or friends, sure.

Women do occasionally, but i figure thats cause i'm just so good looking.
post #4 of 71

 I don't expect them but I get them and that's kind of gratifying in a way. Guys (young & old) I don't know compliment me quite often. I don't see anything weird about that. It gives me confidence that I'm doing something right. 

 

 

 PS: You won't see me posting fits on the internet though. lol8[1].gif

post #5 of 71
As im sure many will agree here, we know and understand that yes we will get compliments and of course its a nice thing; but overall "dressing up" for many men is him simply loving quality and wearing it on a daily basis
post #6 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by Quadcammer View Post

maybe I dress like crap, but random dudes do not go up to other random dudes where I live and compliment them on their clothes. Coworkers or friends, sure..

Women do occasionally, but i figure thats cause i'm just so good looking.

This was exactly what I was thinking. Even if I see a stranger wearing something I like I won't compliment him or ask where it's from. That's eerie to me. However, compliments from friends or coworkers are appreciated.
post #7 of 71
I don't expect anything from people about the way I dress, but am pleased when I do get a compliment. In NYC, they are very hard to come by.

I compliment an item on someone else if I find it appealing and may ask from where did they purchase. Really doesn't seem eerie to me, but "different strokes for different folks."
post #8 of 71
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Willin View Post

This was exactly what I was thinking. Even if I see a stranger wearing something I like I won't compliment him or ask where it's from. That's eerie to me. However, compliments from friends or coworkers are appreciated.

I don't think it's eerie at all if some random guy came up to you and complimented you on an article of clothing. the reaction you guys are giving is akin to a straight man being hit on by a gay man.
post #9 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by gaseousclay View Post

I don't think it's eerie at all if some random guy came up to you and complimented you on an article of clothing. the reaction you guys are giving is akin to a straight man being hit on by a gay man.

I dont' know about eerie, but unusual. To be honest, I get the most compliments from women in their 40s-60s. They seem to appreciate someone making an effort to look professional.

I think this has a lot to do with where you live.
post #10 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by gaseousclay View Post

Does it make you feel weird if a guy comes up to you and says, "I really like your cap toes. Are they shell cordovan?

This would only make me feel "weird" if it dredged up some latent insecurity, such as my being secretly ashamed of being into clothing. And I will admit it: when I first took a serious interest in menswear, it was kind of a guilty pleasure. It felt like I was initiating myself into a tiny niche of nerdery, sort of like the feeling I got when I started using the internet in the early '90s, and having an email address (hell, even having heard of email) was something you didn't advertise in public. My point being, if you keep cognitively separate identities and lives -- by day, you're a regular guy to most of your friends; by night, you're an internet clothing aficionado -- then yes, that dissonance will make you uncomfortable when someone in your "by day" world evokes something from your "by night" life. It's as if he's outing you.

That said, learn to get over it. The side effect of having a deep interest in menswear is that it can't stay hidden for long. You literally wear that interest on your sleeve. The best choice is to embrace it as part of who you are, and to integrate the dissonant halves of your public persona.

That can be understandably difficult, in as much as American culture tends to regard an interest in clothing as a "gay" or effeminate quality. But the good news is that, at least among young people, interest in quality menswear is staging a small resurgence.
post #11 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by gyasih View Post

I don't expect anything from people about the way I dress, but am pleased when I do get a compliment. In NYC, they are very hard to come by.

I compliment an item on someone else if I find it appealing and may ask from where did they purchase. Really doesn't seem eerie to me, but "different strokes for different folks."

 

 Yeah, guys in NYC seem to mind thier own business as much as possible.

 

 If they do then the guy may just not know too much about dressing well and might want to try out what you're doing for himself. Nothing wrong with that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gaseousclay View Post


I don't think it's eerie at all if some random guy came up to you and complimented you on an article of clothing. the reaction you guys are giving is akin to a straight man being hit on by a gay man.

 

 Yeah, I have never felt that anyone who commented on what I wear as being gay. I don't worry about it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quadcammer View Post


I dont' know about eerie, but unusual. To be honest, I get the most compliments from women in their 40s-60s. They seem to appreciate someone making an effort to look professional.

I think this has a lot to do with where you live.

 

 Probably.

post #12 of 71

 Another thing to consider is that there are probably more guys resenting the fact that you might look better than they ever could for whatever reason (overweight, balding etc). Those guys probably won't say anything.

post #13 of 71

I dress up for self and for compliments. I usually get the "nice tie" or "nice outfit" compliment .I live in RI and most people don't pay attention to detail of an outfit like I do so I don't get the detailed questions. I admit I am becoming more of a nerd when it comes to detail of an average( thanks to SF lol).

post #14 of 71
I don't expect compliments. I do get them and enjoy them, regardless of the source.
post #15 of 71

I've come to expect the opposite: Resentment and resistance.

 

I think it has a lot to do with your city. In NYC, I would probably blend in and be considered an average dresser. In Ottawa, the second you deviate from the usual walmart square toe clunkers, baggy black suit, and hot pink mexx shirt, you stand out (a lot). You would think that standing out in such a way would be overwhelmingly positive, but it's surprising how openly negative reactions can be.

 

I was sporting a bow tie the other day, as I often do, and I had an interesting reaction from a couple. I noticed the woman giving me a big genuine smile, then the man made comment under his breath. The woman retorted with "you can't say that! James Bond wears bow ties..." I can only assume he said something to the effect of "look at this homo in his bow tie." Another man pretended to spit in my direction when I was walking by him in a mall that same day.

 

I think it's a mix of homophobia (a thinner guy who dresses dandy must be gay) and resentment because they assume I'm some hotshot. Both are false assumptions.

 

It's not all negative. I get lots of compliments and questions too; most people here have never heard of Allen Edmonds, and would never pay $400 for a pair of shoes. Overall, it seems very polarizing. I've learned to be ready for anything and take the stoic approach. At the end of the day, I dress up for me.

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