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Offensively Bold Tailored Clothing

post #1 of 181
Thread Starter 
or, How to Get Your A$$ Canned by Just Showing Up

We have considered Conservative Business Dress. Now it is time to consider the opposite.

The danger of hanging around sites like this one is that you wil become enamored of things you should not wear -- career killers. It's easy to get borded with CBD, and especially with UCBD. So drab, so uniform, so maddingly The Same day after day. It's enough to impell a man to crave color! Pattern! Cut! Texture!

We may understand the impulse. But it must be resisted. A case study:



Where to begin? With so much material to work with, we can only begin at the beginning.

First, double breasted suits are absolutely taboo. They are fundamentally, irredeemably not conservative. They are flashy, showy, mobby. Worse still, this one isn't even 6x2, it's 6x1, with a long lapel roll. This may have been fine for the duke of Kent in 1935, but he didn't have a job. If people are just going to pay you to be a prince, then go ahead and wear this. Otherwise, avoid like the plague.

Beyond that, look at those honkin' wide lapels, those big gaps between the collar and lapels, and the lack of padding. Rumpled shoulders are not conservative.

Then there's the cloth. It's dark gray worsted, which is fine, but with a hairline weave (passable) and a broken double windowpane -- UNACCEPTABLE! Pattern in most forms is to be shunned. A true UCBD suit must be solid. A very quiet stripe might still allow a suit to be classified as CBD. But windowpanes -- NEVER! And double windowpanes -- No, No, A Thousand Times No! That's not even conservative enough for a self-respecting pimp.

The shirt is pink. No! If you must deviate from white, pale blue is acceptable. As Homer Simpson learned, people who wear pink shirts to work get sent to reeducation camps. Second, the shirt is striped. That in itself is OK; CBD if not UCBD. But never in pink, and never a fancy three tone shadow stripe like this. Only the classic Brooks Brothers pencil stripe is acceptable, and only in red or blue on a white ground. The collar is too spread, and the cuffs are French. Again, no! No French cuffs with CBD, ever! You can wear them if you are the CEO, but that is a different category of dress, not CBD. In fact, let's just get something straight right now. Nothing French is ever CBD, ever. Even a plain black stitch cap -- the holy grail of CBD shoes -- loses its CBD status simply by virtue of being made by Lobb Paris.

The tie: woven miniature houndstooth, black and silver. A classic? Certainly. Conservative? In certain respects, yes. CBD? NO WAY! That is a wedding tie. Is a wedding a business occasion? Is it? I don't think so. So should wedding ties be worn for business? You do the math.

Then, as you may by now have gathered, that is three patterns being worn together. UCBD only allows one pattern, ever. CBD might possibly allow two, on a case by case basis subject to review by the CBD board. But three? Together? All different? And different colors to boot? No way, no how, not never.

Finally, the ridiculous boutonnière. These are always way beyond the pale. They draw attention and look foppish. But that one in particular is worse. It looks like if you got too close a jet of water would hit you in the eye. Want to look like a clown? Wear that. Hope you have a lot of money saved up, because unemployment benefits only last six months.

Here endeth Lesson Two.
post #2 of 181
Fasten your seatbelts.
post #3 of 181
Manton must be boooooored.
post #4 of 181
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GQgeek View Post
Manton must be boooooored.

I'm trying to teach something here, for the benefit of my fellow man, in particular the younger generation which might not know how to get by in the concrete jungle. If you don't have anything constructive to add, butt out.
post #5 of 181
A boutonnière and a pocket square ????

Surely you jest, as no one in their right mind would step out of their house that way!
post #6 of 181
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by edmorel View Post
A boutonnière and a pocket square ????

Surely you jest, as no one in their right mind would step out of their house that way!

It's definitely neither UCBD nor even CBD.
post #7 of 181
Manton is to be applauded. It's high time someone put a stop to such foppery.
post #8 of 181
post #9 of 181
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivan Kipling View Post

Well, black tie is neither CBD nor OBTC, so technically, I can't fault that.
post #10 of 181
I can. The tux is too tight. JMHO.
post #11 of 181
Except for the boutonnier, I would wear this...I'll keep in mind for my trip to Detroit in April.

I think Manton is carrying the weight of the sartorial world on his right shoulder....
post #12 of 181
Manton, I am going to try my best not to comment on the ensemble directly as it just isn't of my taste I will say that if you want people to take your lessons seriously I would work on some of the strong language you are using, and in regards to your tie in this photo I think you should practice tying your knots before you take the photos as this one just really isn't appropriate for any situation, it actually looks like someone has been pulling you around all day by your tie.
post #13 of 181
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Con Biz Dresser View Post
you should practice tying your knots before you take the photos as this one just really isn't appropriate for any situation, it actually looks like someone has been pulling you around all day by your tie.

A perfectly tied tie, with a perfectly centered dimple, and a perfectly symetrical knot, isn't CDB, much less UCBD. It's a sign of AR OCD.
post #14 of 181
These "lessons" have me laughing out loud. Real bravura here. Thanks manton.
post #15 of 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by Manton View Post
A perfectly tied tie, with a perfectly centered dimple, and a perfectly symetrical knot, isn't CDB, much less UCBD. It's a sign of AR OCD.

I'm sorry Manton but I am not talking about a perfectly tied tie or any dimple for that matter, your knot in the photo looks twisted and pulled to the side, as if you are uncomfortable wearing a tie and trying to take this one off.
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