Quote:
Originally Posted by
chocsosa 
Well as black man of abnormal size (6"8 250lbs), I feel I do have to dress impeccably. Its helps that I have a passion for fashion but its a leg-up. I can trace my lineage back to the Village where my family is from in Africa so I guess I do not fall into the category that Oink Boink claims that most of us fall into. I cannot state how many times
I have been told by white friends in particular that "I speak very well for an African-American." I even had others in a conversation state one time that she was into American looking guys. When I asked her what that meant.. she stated "You know guys with blonde hair blue/brown eyes"..just stared and moved the topic on to something else eventually. So I see what the article is getting at. Everything I have achieved in my life is through hard work but also great impressions. To add to that I feel great impressions crosses any racial borders because its broadly applicable to all people. You get a white person, an asian or a person of hispanic heritage dress in appropriately they would not be taken as seriously. However where I feel it differs from my experience is people's preconception's of who I am. I have been in elevators in a beautiful suit where older women clutch at their purses or bags or tell me the success that I have is because the government gave it to me which has happened a couple times.. (actually had a drunk guy walk up to me in a bar look me up and down and ask how much did I have to save on my food stamps to afford the suit, to which my wife had to drag me out of there before something bad happened)..I feel that I have to look impeccably because I could not afford to have any weaknesses whether on interview's or now in my career client meetings. Just my two cents.
I grew up in a different country, and now live in Australia where I am a distinct minority - a different situation, but I think some parallels can probably be made with your experience.
I think I understand where you come from - the casual thoughtlessness of strangers or friends can sometimes be quite painful to stomach.
In my experience it is the offhand remarks, the ones that acquaintances make in unguarded moments that often give me pause to think - it is difficult at times to
not be defined by what you are apparently
meant or
not meant to be.
Outright racist idiots are easy to brush off, not so people who you thought saw you as
you, shorn of the colour of your skin. People who you
identified with, people who you thought you
a part of.
I'm in a mixed race relationship, and in the beginning like perhaps a lot of folk that need a bit more maturing I thought it was a big deal - I was unjustifiably pleased with myself for whatever reason.
Now 7 years on, we just...
are - I realised about a year or two ago that the colour of her skin just didn't matter at all anymore, that I saw past it and saw her as just a person, not a
(insert prefix) person. That I saw past the wrapper, I guess.
At that moment I felt a mixture of elation, relief, and quiet shame that it had taken so long and
I should have known better. Difficult to put into words.
Anyhow, Happy New Year chocsosa.
Edited by apropos - 1/1/13 at 3:14am