Wedding Tuxedos - Page 3

+1 for the most part.

I definitely agree that men should be more involved in these things. The problem is when you are a groomsman and the groom just outsources everything to his fiancee and doesn't have a lot of knowledge about these traditions and how formal dress is supposed to work. The average guy in the U.S. or most other countries is probably not going to disagree with what his wife wants on something like what the groomsmen should wear and you can only do so much. People on this forum are an exception, but you have very little control over things when you are in the wedding party and not the guy getting married. I'd bet most of the guys here who are bothered by having to rent a tux when they own a better one would never agree to wear a rented tux to their own future wedding.

I quite agree that there is very little you can do if you are a part of the wedding party except attempt to educate the groom. I know only too well that most men consider all clothing decisions to be the realm of women, and often couldn't care less what they are wearing. I used to help plan a formal ball back in England, and was frequently tasked with the ungrateful job of enforcing the dress code in what is generally a far more formal and traditional culture.

My response mostly addressed the groom whose initial post requested advice regarding attire for his attendants, and who claimed that the wedding is all about the bride. I am a woman, and my emphatic response to this assertion is: NO! It is a ceremony that involves the couple, their respective families and friends, not just the bride.

I'm not sure I would go as far as calling rented tuxes vulgar. I would have had my groomsmen wear their own tuxes if they owned them, but none did. I'm not certain they would have all had suits of reasonably coordinating colours. The bride left the groomsmen's clothing to me (but I'm sure her preference would be to have them coordinated). At the end of the day the simplest and least expensive choice was to use a national rental chain since the bridal party was spread across the country in three cities. I used the opportunity to have a tuxedo made for myself though. I contemplated having something made for the other guys but anything that looked better that a rental tux would have been pretty expensive. The fits weren't perfect across the board but at the end of the day the guys looked fine, we were on budget, pictures looked good, and everyone had a great time.

I've been in wedding partys where I could wear my own clothes and where I wore a rented tux. Sure I felt most comfortable in my own clothes, but I was honored to be asked to be a groomsmen and happily wore whatever I was requested. It's not my day and not my place to suggest to the bride and groom what my personal "taste" would be.

If everybody owns their own great looking, clothes awesome.
If you have the budget to make something nice for the groomsmen then great.
If you go with a rental, maybe not everyone will have perfect fitting clothes (not a guarantee if they wear their own), but the day will be fantastic.

Perhaps some rental places are better than others, why not look for advice on choosing one if that's the route you choose to go?

Certainly, it's an honor to be invited to participate in a wedding. I think some of the rented tux hostility comes from the fact that most people on here consider it rather inane to be asked to rent a tuxedo when they bought one (1) because having something customized to their body makes it look better and more comfortable and (2) so they don't have to rent a tuxedo for black tie events. There probably are some rental places that are better than others; a national chain is probably the best option for a wedding party that is spread throughout the country. I'd guess that if you are going the rented route, JosABank or Mens Warehouse work decently.

Wedding parties don't look good when they are wearing identical outfits; it betrays a luck of understanding of tradition. Generally not the fault of the bride and groom since nobody taught them this, but it can be frustrating when you know better and people would rather believe the tux rental place which has an economic incentive to sell uniformity. I think the reference to vulgarity was towards the idea that the wedding party should all look the same, not rented tuxes per se, but I may have misread.

OP, if you're still reading this, have you considered letting groomsmen choose perhaps whether to go with a shawl or peak lapel jacket? Another option would be to let them choose different style black bow ties or cufflinks / studs. This way you could have people rent and still have a few elegant subtle differences. Also, I am not sure how many times a rental tux is worn before being, errr, retired, but it is possible that repeat dry cleaning and the like might mean even tuxes that started out identical might have some variation (fade marks, sheen if its cheap fabric, etc.). Congrats on the wedding, but I will say that I suspect you'd be happier in the long-run if you let in a bit of history and tradition on this one.

Richmond44, what are you expecting to pay for tuxedo rentals? I know you didn't come here looking for style advice or a history lesson, but i'll give you a little. Looking back on my wedding, I wish someone had given me some at the time.

First of all, those who said Joseph A Bank and Mens' Wearhouse are spot on. Both are national chains and do rentals. You should also know that, even if you rent locally, your groomsmen should be able to get their measurements taken for free (or a small fee) at their local tailor.

First - Style. I know it's all about the bride, but hear me out. They can all wear the same tuxedo while still adhering to "the rules." Stick with a black cummerbund and bowtie. No vests (the proper cut vest would be fine, but you won't find that in ANY rental place) and no colors. Stick with black and white. White pleated shirts (not off white) with french cuffs. For the jacket, try for no vents, peak lapel, 1 button and no flaps on the pockets. As for shoes, why not let the gentlemen wear their own shoes? I'm willing to bet the bridesmaids are wearing their own DIFFERENT shoes.

Second - quality. If you have a Joseph A Bank by you, you may be able to BUY tuxedos for a similar price to renting them. This means your groomsmen will OWN a decent quality tuxedo (much better quality than rental) and will be able to get it tailored properly for their bodies. Rental tuxedos are hemmed, but that's about all the tailoring they're given. If I were in your shoes, i'd walk into the local Joseph A Bank, explain the situation and see what they can do for you.

-James

+1

Yeah find a bride who is not a wedding-planning-nazi (just kidding)

Guess my wife and I got that wrong. We somehow thought that the day is about both of us...

In summary: Do not force your groomsmen to wear a pseudo-uniform. However, if you really feel like making them look silly, then I recommend this

+1. Very valid point. Formal vests are supposed to be low cut in the front and most tuxedo rental vests have multiple buttons above the jacket buttoning point clearly visible.

I like how when the OP said the original suggestion of uncoordinated tuxes wouldn't work for his wedding (without commenting on if he felt that was right or wrong) people still insisted that they were right and the situation that the OP couldn't change at all, was wrong.

 

 

And for the record, I can see the benefit of uncoordinated tuxes, but that clearly wasn't a possibility for the poor guy.  I also agree with the, don't go to Men's Warehouse conclusion...

Congratulations! I got married last May in Washington DC but am from San Francisco. We did look at some tux rental places in SF but I was so disappointed in the quality that I convinced my wife it was better to wear suits, plus I was having a suit made and didn't want to be surrounded by a bunch of tuxes. The only place I saw in the city that had a decent selection was in embarcadero center 3 "Black Tie Tuxedos."

After dismissing the tux, I planned to let my groomsman just wear whichever suit they wanted. I figured it was better to wear mismatched suits that fit well than to rent a bunch of matching suits that didn't. My bride had a different view. Like yours, she really wanted matching. Trying to rent a quality made suit is even harder than trying to rent a quality made tux. As it turned out, the groomsman were all eager to use the wedding as an excuse to buy a new suit, so it all worked out. To Archibald's disgust I'm sure, they all bought black suits. In retrospect, I believe my wife was right about the matching part. The photos came out much sharper with all the suits color coordinated. It also helped that we bought each groom a high-end matching charcoal tie. Contrary to the advice some have given, you would be wise to let your wife have this one. You will have a million things to fight over and frankly, this is not one worth a fight.

Fixate on the bar. Make sure there is good wine and Scotch and you'll have done your job.

I assume this is an evening wedding?

If you want them to wear tuxedo's don't force them to rent the same ones - as someone stated they may already own some. If it is paramount that they wear similar clothing, just tell them to wear a black tuxedo. I would suggest a turn down spread collar (not wing-tipped) for the shirt.

gtfo

OP never said he couldn't change the situation in his first reply; he simply said it wouldn't work and suggested that he thought it was considered common for the groomsmen to all look identical. To me, that suggests that OP may not have been aware that from a style, etiquette and tradition standpoint, there is no reason for a wedding party to match. If the bride is set in her ways or other factors are at play, that's another matter, but there's no way to know that without a bit more information than the OP gave in the beginning. If I was operating under such misinformation, I would certainly want to know. Sometimes giving good advice involves giving an answer that was not asked but is relevant to a person's situation.

Worst case for OP was he read a couple more pages of text and left with the answer to his question in addition to a bit more knowledge about tuxedo etiquette. Pretty low risk compared to the potential benefit.

Great advice, but you forgot to mention that a turn-down collar is a must. Rental shops will not be able to do a proper wing collar, and wing-collar shirts should never have pleats nor should they be worn with a cummerbund.