Am I Depressed?

I'd like an outsider's take on my current life situation. I suspect that I'm suffering from some form of depression, but I'm not sure. I'd like to share some details of my life (past and present) with hopes that you can come up with some conclusions as to what I may be going through right now.

Let me try to explain my past as quickly as possible.

* I'm 30 years old and male.

* I live with my parents.

* I went away for college, did a study abroad year in Europe during my junior year, and lived in Manhattan for 2 years up until 2006.

* I'm very good looking. While living in NY I was signed to a major modeling agency. I also had small speaking roles in 3 studio films.

* I moved back in to my parents home in 2006 and have been there since. I had a huge blowout with my roommate at the time and was not working fulltime anywhere so I went home and never went back after finding a sublet for my place.

Okay, so that's a quick history of my life. I'm home now and haven't worked full time in 3 years. The work that I have done is manual labor related and given to me on a freelance basis from a family friend. This work has not been consistent over the years plus I hate it. I also haven't had a girlfriend or sex in general in those 3 years. I have engaged in oral sex on 3 occasions via girls I met on Craigslist or OKCupid.

Some more current day facts. I rarely go out on the weekends. I'm really only friends with one kid from high school who still lives in my area and I am no longer in touch with college friends. (I had a ****** college experience so it's no surprise that I'm not tight with anyone that I partied with during that time period.)

I walk for two hours each morning in my neighborhood outside. The walking is what I would call a fast pace but not a jog or run. I haven't been to a gym in 4 years. Fitness was once a big part of my life and from ages 18 - 25 I was in great shape. I still look good but I've lost most muscle and am not as cut as I used to be. (But still lean.)

Because I rarely hook up I masturbate about once a day. The lack of job or friends has really stopped me from meeting women. (Hence the rare hookups from the internet.)

I have refrained from seriously seeking a full time or even part time job for reasons I cannot comprehend. I have a solid resume that includes a college degree from a private 4 year school along with good references and experience in a variety of fields. I'm a fast typer and a good interviewer with an outgoing and warm personality.

And yet, here I am. I know what I need to do. I need to find a full time job and start living. And I'm planning on doing that. I'm just curious why I've lived the way I have these past 3 or 4 years.

Some other details. In general, in my normal state, I honestly don't feel depressed. I just know things needs to change immediately.

I'm somewhat heavy in debt. Despite having few living expenses I have accumulated a chunk of debt from a few trips to Europe, some clothing and computer purchases, and stuff like that. I have enough in my savings to pay off the minimum on my credit cards for about six more months.

Lastly, I go days at a time without shaving. Usually 5 or 6. This is something I never did before. It's almost like everything feels like a huge effort. Or at least with shaving I only get to it when it starts to bother me. Perhaps if I had a corporate job I would be more likely to shave every morning.

So, the obvious answers are that I need a job, I need to save, I need to pay off my debt, and I need to start living again. I'm fully aware of that. I'd like answers beyond that. I'm really not hiding any other facts so I'd like your take given everything you know.

One last thing. I know some of you are going to say that I need to move out of my parents place asap. Girls don't like it, it's weird, etc. While that is all true to some extent, I'd feel more comfortable living at home until all my debt is paid off. I honestly have no desire to get married anytime soon. Even if I met an amazing girl, I'm very traditional and would never live with her until marriage, so keep that in mind. I do of course want to live on my own again in the future. Just not until I have paid off my debt.

So that's me. I'd appreciate any advice or feedback. Thank you.

You need a purpose, not a diagnoses or medication.

It does sound like you're depressed, but first things first, stop masturbating every, single, day.

you sound lazy

move out of your parents and throw yourself in the deep end. Living with your parents is doing more than pacifying the debt period. It's sheltering you and you'll become too reliant on the comfort of home.

Move out, things will probably get worse, but let's hope that'll finally give you the ambition to get things done

Definitely a degree of depression. Start speaking to a professional--even if it's just to vent--and they'll recommend varying types of treatment depending on the severity. Sure, as you can tell, there's a bit of a stigma surrounding depression and the potential need for medication, but if it helps in the end, you really won't care.

hoozah said:

you sound lazy

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I don't think that's true. In all my previous jobs I was a very hard worker and succeeded in every field. I think the deeper problem is that I made getting a new job a bigger deal then it needed to be. That's a big part of it at least.

GreenFrog said:

It does sound like you're depressed, but first things first, stop masturbating every, single, day.

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Why do you think this is an issue? Don't many men either masturbate or ******** every day?

Royal42 said:

Definitely a degree of depression. Start speaking to a professional--even if it's just to vent--and they'll recommend varying types of treatment depending on the severity. Sure, as you can tell, there's a bit of a stigma surrounding depression and the potential need for medication, but if it helps in the end, you really won't care.

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I'm thinking about seeing a professional. I don't think I need medication but it can't hurt to see someone at least once to see what they say.

You sound depressed.

The first thing you should do is get a job. Any job, at this point. You'll feel better when you are out of debt, your daily life will have imposed structure, and you will feel a bit more self-worth.

The second thing (or the first thing) to do would be to get on anti-depressants. Not a long term solution, but it'll help you muster the motivation and energy to pull yourself out of the rut (and get to the point where you can combat your depression without the help of medication). Lexapro has worked well for me in the past, but if you don't have health insurance, Celexa is basically the same thing but available as a generic.

I wouldn't limit yourself as far as not moving out from your parents house, but staying there until you've at least got the debt under some control makes sense.

First things first, get help. You won't be able to fix anything else until you deal with your depression, yes you're depressed. I could tell that before I read half of that.

Thank you to everybody who has written so far. I welcome future advice too here.



miker3000 said:

Why do you think this is an issue? Don't many men either masturbate or ******** every day?

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I have to agree. Masturbating every day should not be an issue. If you look at a lot of Appreciation though, that is a problem.

Because the OP is lamenting his lack of a sex life. If it weren't for that one fact, his frequent masturbation wouldn't normally be an issue. He needs to freaking stop choking his chicken and go out and meet girls if he wants to get off.

Milking his lizard everyday ain't helping since it kills his drive to go out and **** bitches.

I can't tell if this is really a serious thread or not, but I'll chime in. First off, asking advice on a topic like depression from a bunch of internet forum yahoos (myself included) on a style/fashion forum is, pardon the pun ... CRAZY. Absolutely NOT the place I would go to seek advice if I were really serious and thought I had a problem. However, since you asked ...

Are you suffering from depression? Yea, maybe. What I think you are definitely suffering from is a lack of purpose, direction, and motivation. Your situation (living at home, unemployed, single, etc) is not going to get any better unless you make a serious effort to change it. Going out and finding some head shrinker to medicate you isn't the answer. Were you depressed when things were going good in your life? Did you ever wake up back when you were doing the things that you liked and think, "Man, this life of mine sucks"? Your life sucks because you have nothing positive going on at this time.

First and foremost: GET A JOB. Any job. Be a productive part of society. Get on a schedule and stay busy. I've had many jobs that weren't great, but it didn't mean that I couldn't look for a better one WHILE I WAS WORKING. I love my kids, but I only want to raise them once. I damn sure don't want them living with me at your age. If unfortunate events caused me to have to live with my parents, I guarantee that they would not wash one dish, cut one blade of grass, or clean anything while I was living off of them. Do you do any work around the house?

Second: Keep to a schedule and by all means keep productive hours. Get your ass up every morning at 5. Go run and work out. You don't need a gym membership to work out. Finish your workout, eat, shower, and go look for a job. Every day. By 4pm, head home and clean your parents' house and cook or at least help cook dinner. Go to bed by 10pm. Repeat.

Lastly: Stay motivated and determined. Nothing good comes easy. You have to WANT to succeed. Success isn't going to knock on the door while you are lying around in your pajamas, with a grubby beard, eating pizza rolls and jerking off. Make it happen dude and don't take the easy way out and get medicated. Everyone is too quick to get on happy pills these days. Good luck - DMB