I'd like an outsider's take on my current life situation. I suspect that I'm suffering from some form of depression, but I'm not sure. I'd like to share some details of my life (past and present) with hopes that you can come up with some conclusions as to what I may be going through right now.
Let me try to explain my past as quickly as possible.
* I'm 30 years old and male.
* I live with my parents.
* I went away for college, did a study abroad year in Europe during my junior year, and lived in Manhattan for 2 years up until 2006.
* I'm very good looking. While living in NY I was signed to a major modeling agency. I also had small speaking roles in 3 studio films.
* I moved back in to my parents home in 2006 and have been there since. I had a huge blowout with my roommate at the time and was not working fulltime anywhere so I went home and never went back after finding a sublet for my place.
Okay, so that's a quick history of my life. I'm home now and haven't worked full time in 3 years. The work that I have done is manual labor related and given to me on a freelance basis from a family friend. This work has not been consistent over the years plus I hate it. I also haven't had a girlfriend or sex in general in those 3 years. I have engaged in oral sex on 3 occasions via girls I met on Craigslist or OKCupid.
Some more current day facts. I rarely go out on the weekends. I'm really only friends with one kid from high school who still lives in my area and I am no longer in touch with college friends. (I had a shitty college experience so it's no surprise that I'm not tight with anyone that I partied with during that time period.)
I walk for two hours each morning in my neighborhood outside. The walking is what I would call a fast pace but not a jog or run. I haven't been to a gym in 4 years. Fitness was once a big part of my life and from ages 18 - 25 I was in great shape. I still look good but I've lost most muscle and am not as cut as I used to be. (But still lean.)
Because I rarely hook up I masturbate about once a day. The lack of job or friends has really stopped me from meeting women. (Hence the rare hookups from the internet.)
I have refrained from seriously seeking a full time or even part time job for reasons I cannot comprehend. I have a solid resume that includes a college degree from a private 4 year school along with good references and experience in a variety of fields. I'm a fast typer and a good interviewer with an outgoing and warm personality.
And yet, here I am. I know what I need to do. I need to find a full time job and start living. And I'm planning on doing that. I'm just curious why I've lived the way I have these past 3 or 4 years.
Some other details. In general, in my normal state, I honestly don't feel depressed. I just know things needs to change immediately.
I'm somewhat heavy in debt. Despite having few living expenses I have accumulated a chunk of debt from a few trips to Europe, some clothing and computer purchases, and stuff like that. I have enough in my savings to pay off the minimum on my credit cards for about six more months.
Lastly, I go days at a time without shaving. Usually 5 or 6. This is something I never did before. It's almost like everything feels like a huge effort. Or at least with shaving I only get to it when it starts to bother me. Perhaps if I had a corporate job I would be more likely to shave every morning.
So, the obvious answers are that I need a job, I need to save, I need to pay off my debt, and I need to start living again. I'm fully aware of that. I'd like answers beyond that. I'm really not hiding any other facts so I'd like your take given everything you know.
One last thing. I know some of you are going to say that I need to move out of my parents place asap. Girls don't like it, it's weird, etc. While that is all true to some extent, I'd feel more comfortable living at home until all my debt is paid off. I honestly have no desire to get married anytime soon. Even if I met an amazing girl, I'm very traditional and would never live with her until marriage, so keep that in mind. I do of course want to live on my own again in the future. Just not until I have paid off my debt.
So that's me. I'd appreciate any advice or feedback. Thank you.