It sounds to me like you're in the rat race. Check out the book Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar. He is an influential proponent of positive psychology. Can people learn to be happy? Positive psychology says they can.
I'm not looking to get into street fights, the idea is just that I don't have any friends who would stand with me if things got really tough. I find almost everyone in life, not just girls, want to be with you when you're chip leader, but will barely talk to you when you're shortstacked. I've come to resent some of my so-called "friends" for this. And these are friends I've known for years. Now when I think of them I can't help but feel slight disgust, I actually feel ambivalent towards them at best. One time I even fantasized about reenacting the flatblock marina scene from A Clockwork Orange lol.
If I had one wish it would be to win the mega millions, marry the girl of my dreams, have a bunch of kids and buy my own private island somewhere to get away from everyone.
I used to be a rock star for about a year, until I got money issues that prevent me from continuing to fly all over the place, basically cutting off my balls and making me anxious about what I'm gonna do tomorrow if I can't rock out.
You don't seem to have the money problem. I'm just gonna say that travelling (alone) is the SHIT! Surfing/skydiving/mountaineering/camping/eating/etc. is booombb too. Travel to some places (Nepal, Egypt, Tibet, China, Rural China, Mongolia, whatever the fuck) and become local where ever you are. I envy those who can do this, I don't envy those making crazy money working in investment banking. Of course cash flow is necessary.
I used to be a rock star for about a year, until I got money issues that prevent me from continuing to fly all over the place, basically cutting off my balls and making me anxious about what I'm gonna do tomorrow if I can't rock out.
You don't seem to have the money problem. I'm just gonna say that travelling (alone) is the SHIT! Surfing/skydiving/mountaineering/camping/eating/etc. is booombb too. Travel to some places (Nepal, Egypt, Tibet, China, Rural China, Mongolia, whatever the fuck) and become local where ever you are. I envy those who can do this, I don't envy those making crazy money working in investment banking. Of course cash flow is necessary.
cool, were you big enough to have hot groupies? :)
Traveling alone is fun? I watched Bruce Wayne do that in Batman Begins and it looked rough.....LOL j/k
Yeah, doing those activities is fun, but they are more friend with someone you enjoy being around. My college buddies and I talked about touring Europe after graduation but those busters bailed on me and took jobs/went to grad school instead.
I appreciate your thorough post and honesty. Thank you. However, I think you are judging me too much based on a couple of posts. I have struggled much in my life, maybe even more than you. I was abused as a child and was a late bloomer physically, and was picked on until high school where I learned to defend myself. I've had to stay away from gangs, drugs, other negative influences to eventually graduate from a top 20 school, and I'm proud of that. Unfortunately, I have met with much failure in my life for a person my age, such as getting injured and failing to make the all american team, and finding someone down the roster take up my spot and succeed. Since I started college I was on my own, both financially and emotionally, which is more than I can say for many of my peers.
As for the friends, one example is where I risked my own ass breaking up fights between them and other huge guys when they have not done the same for me. I have also been there for them emotionally more than they have for me.
Can you explain the work I would need to put in to meet a girl I'm compatible with? I feel in this day and age I should just be able to bring a good heart to care for her emotionally and the physicality to defend her if need be. I don't believe in taking her shopping or paying for dinners except for special occasions.
I know I work hard, but maybe what you're saying is that I need to work even harder. And I could use more discipline. I guess it's just a matter of forcing myself to be more consistent in the good things I do.
Hi.
Recognise the situation you find yourself in. I was a successful banker working in London and New York and had succeeded financially but there was always something missing.I think I needed an identity that really suited me and I've found that by becoming a skinhead. I know that sounds weird but I can now throw off my inhibitions and get pissed out of my head with other like minded people.The image attracts similar people and I now have a busy social life, but admittedly it includes some street aggro and the odd arrest. I'm discovering a whole new set of values that aren't about money or background - being a skinhead is a great leveller.
Hope you can find something that suits you. Good Luck.
I saw this comic a couple months ago and was SO inspired by it. I'm 24 and the panel about basketball really related to me for the past couple years (the general jist of what the guy is thinking, just not basketball)
That's some really good advice man, thank you so much. My friends have told me to let go of the past too, but it's hard because it's so ingrained in me and made me who I am. To tell you the truth, I am thinking about competing in sports again because I'm hoping it will finally lay my demons from high school athletics to rest. I don't know if that's a good idea though.
As corny as it sounds, the only one that can solve your problems is you. However, if you DO need help there are professionals for that.
Now, as with everything there needs to be a balance between external validation, and internal confidence. I found that too much of either really hurts you both socially and professionally. I recommend that you do the following things:
1. Find something that you're really good at. Practice it and become even better at it. If you're good enough, you might even be able to teach others in a more or less formal setting. Trust me, there are very few things that make you feel better than having your "students" understand and correctly apply what you have taught them.
2. Diversify. This may sound contrary to point 1, but you need to increase your amount of activities, and if you feel that you're already loaded up on that front, delve into them deeper. Why? If you know a little about many things, then you'll be able to connect to most people. This is important, because it gives you different perspectives on things. From this common interest you can then forge a friendship that lasts a lifetime.
3. Be realistic. Most people have very few REALLY good friends, the kind of friend that would go through fire for you. Is that bad? No, not really. It's just the way things are. That does not mean that you can't be friends with more people, but just be realistic with your expectations. Another thing to consider is that building such a friendship takes time. A looooooong time.
As for your salary goals, I think you need to be realistic. I know that having a set goal to work towards is nice, but sometimes the world just conspires against you and you get screwed. If you truly know that you did everything that you could to reach your goal, then there should be no reason to be sad, as well, you tried your best.
I'm in favour of travelling alone in order to explore yourself, or in other words get it together. If you're entitled to take a sabbatical leave or have enough money to travel on your own dime for a few months then I would suggest indulging yourself abroad. That is not to say to go on a three month bender, but take the time to reflect upon yourself, pick up the local language, build upon your social skills and expand your social network, and relax for a while.
Although I wasn't raised in an affluent family, my parents funded a trip to Japan alone for three months after I graduated high school. I had a difficult time in high school, as most people do. I decided to take the time to get it together, although I'm not all there yet, I think I'm an all rounded and well adjusted person.
As a side note, the trip to Japan gave me the impetus to apply to music school. I had originally planned to study medicine upon my return, but it didn't seem like the right thing to do. I realise I'm going to be chronically unemployed, and that scares me a lot; even though I've acquired a taste for things which come with a higher price tag, I'm confident I did the right thing -- I'm still young enough to change my mind.
In regards to offering something and contributing to a friendship, it's also admirable to display and inspire others through noble characteristics, rather than taking it upon yourself to offer them a service. Are you merely accessible or are you open to your friends?
I apologise if I'm coming down hard on you, especially since it's my first post on any forum in a long time. Take care of yourself.
