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Long Relationships for Youngsters - Page 2

post #16 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Augusto86 View Post
Very Zen. But what?

As vaclav(a?) might put it....

You never, know. with, women.

Sorry, man. It's just you never know what's going to happen, and so much you learn on the way. Endurance often seems more important than the ability to predict.
post #17 of 36
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by johnapril View Post
Sorry, man. It's just you never know what's going to happen, and so much you learn on the way. Endurance often seems more important than the ability to predict.

Well, all men know endurance is really the most important thing...

I'm sorry, you're being helpful and I'm being an asshole. Blame it on the weather.
post #18 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Augusto86 View Post
Well, all men know endurance is really the most important thing...

I'm sorry, you're being helpful and I'm being an asshole. Blame it on the weather.

No offense taken. I say we blame it on Rio.
post #19 of 36
I could go on for hours on this topic but I will spare you all the philosophical treatise. Suffice it to say there is nothing wrong with staying with a single woman for life. Historically, it is how things were done and it has it's advantages.
I will state for the record that in my younger I was quite a lothario and I have lived long enough to have some regrets about that.
post #20 of 36
I met my wife in 1993 when she was 18 and I was 19. When we met we fell right for each other, but neither of us had been in a relationship with anybody before. A month ago, we just had our second anniversary after many years of being together unmarried. There had been a lot of rough times as I struggled with growing up, so there we had our share of fights, breakups, separations, and other problems at times. At one point, what had for years been the most loving, forgiving girl in the world gave the engagement ring back to me and moved out to a girlfriend's house for a year. I had to work as hard to get her back and keep her as I have ever had to in my career.

We are very happy now, but my take is that if we had gotten married any sooner, we probably would have divorced at one of the worse trouble spots. And we would have been so bitter we would not be together now.

Part of my immaturity included me falling in love with a female friend (uhh, a couple of different times), thinking that I had rushed into the relationship too quickly when she wasn't right for me in assorted ways, etc. Basically, I had a lot of emotional "stuff" to work out (not unusual for a guy at my age) that really was my problem and not really because of her. It took time for me to accept myself as I am, her as she is, and our relationship as it is, instead of trying to ditch it all for something that closer fit my image of my cool, ideal self ... only to turn around a minute later feeling lonely and want her back.

It could have worked out a lot of different ways. But I am really glad that it is the way it is now.

You and your girlfriend both might have several changes of heart in upcoming years. That doesn't mean that the grass is really any greener on the other side of the fence. Look around at other people's relationship situations -- do you feel like you are really missing out on something? Only you can answer that situation. And make sure you are prepared to deal with the consequences of whatever you choose.
post #21 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pennglock View Post
My advice is if you're in love, and cant imagine being with anyone else for the rest of your life, why don't second-guess it. You know if it's right or not. People giving you advice are just going to base the advice on their own experience, which is totally random.

DAMN! I wish I was half as mature as you guys when I was in my 20's (kind of). I think I agree with what most are saying and this probably falls into the category of "my own experience, which is totally random". I totally agree with that post BTW, which very succinctly sums up what I really believe.

I'm just into my 40's and never been married. There have been "droughts" when I've certainly felt lonely, especially after some of the better, longer relationships. Generally I'm happier when in a relationship and believe all of us need to find that special person, but over time I've come to the following (contradictory) conclusions. A guy should not get married until he's at least 30 and a girl should not until 25. It's my random experience that the marriages of those younger than that end up in bitter divorce. Conversely, those that make it, or those that wait a little and end up marrying their H.S./college "sweethearts" are the happiest couples I know. Go figure.
post #22 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Augusto86 View Post
*moved from Social*

Wondering how many other (young) SFers are or have been in long(3+ years) relationships.



Not quite, but from 17-19 years of age (for two full years) I dated the same woman/girl. It was committed (not off-on) and we were very much in love, for a couple of teenagers. It enriched my life at such a young age. We eventually broke up after a while at different colleges across the state from one another. We just grew apart. I have nothing but fond memories of the time.

bob
post #23 of 36
This thread has been great to read.

I'm 20 right now and I started dating around seriously when I was 18. I met some pretty cool girls in that time period, had a lot of fun but nothing serious ever came out of the girls I had dated. I just started college this year and for the first few months, I did the same thing, I slept around quite a bit and had fun. It started to lose its interest very quickly. I couldn't really get into it with a random girl. I would enjoy myself at the time but as soon as it was over, I always felt really guilty. I would also feel a disrespect towards the girl for putting out so easily even though this was completely unfair.

I met a girl in October and we started hanging out a lot then started dating in November. It has since progressed into a 4 month relationship. It's the longest relationship I've been in so far. Maybe I'm naive for saying this, but at the rate things are going, I think her and I are going to be together for quite a while. We have talked about it and both agree on that. Since being with her, we have gone through a few rough patches but everything seems to bring us closer together. I think a lot of it has just been an adjustment as both of us are settling into being in a serious relationship in different ways. All I know is that I'm the happiest I've ever been right now and I'm enjoying my relationship and not really worrying the future.
post #24 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Augusto86 View Post
*moved from Social*

Wondering how many other (young) SFers are or have been in long(3+ years) relationships. This is sort of targeted to people before 23-24 because, well, that's where I fit in. I just often feel like the only person I know who is in a similar situation. Everyone else is "playing the field," and having been out of that game since my the end of my sophomore year(of high school, so age 15- age 20) I keep wondering if I'm missing something.

Some people will read this and go, good god man, you must be mad. Perhaps so. I haven't touched another girl in 5 years, but I have no regrets.

Still, I like to hear people's stories and views, as well as advice on where to go, and how long I can feasibly save up before buying "the rock." I don't to delay out of commitment issues, but out of the fact that I am broke, diabetic, a casual alcoholic and a helpless clotheshorse

Well, you are missing something, but probably not as much as others your age would have you believe. Everyone is different. Your needs are different than mine or your best friends'. If you're happy, forget about what everyone else is doing.

I've never particularly enjoyed playing the field. I find it tedious, but also felt it was something I had to do. I've enjoyed myself some of the time, but probably would have been happier had I spent the time in relationships. Now that I want a real relationship, I'm finding it hard to find a suitable girl... They don't come along whenever it suits you. It's numbers and luck. Dating more women doesn't necessarily mean you'll find one that's a better match for you than the one you've already found.

My opinion is that if you have someone that makes you happy, and that you could possibly have a future with, then don't piss it away because the perceived norm of the day is to sleep with dozens of women before you commit yourself in to a long-term relationship. Only you are positioned to really evaluate this, however.

There's a certain skepticism about young love that holds a lot of weight, but isn't universal. Just because Ratboy and VMan thought they were and weren't, doesn't mean their situations apply to your own.
post #25 of 36
Interesting reads for me as well, in this thread. I'm 21, and I've just started seeing a girl semi-seriously, and I've fallen pretty hard for (and vice versa, by what she tells me)... Whether it's just the natural infatuation and energy at the start of relationships, I don't know.

It's only been a month, but it's something I've never really felt before. I wasn't exactly a player, with girls at my disposal, but I've had my share of experiences, but never this serious.

I really don't know how this is gonna go, whether it'll be over 2 weeks from now, or we'll still be together a year from now; this is totally uncharted territory for me, but it's good to hear your guys' input on these things.

post #26 of 36
I started dating my current gf when she was 16 and I was 17 in high school. We were head over heels pretty quickly and she moved in with my family when she was 17(long story) and has lived with me ever since.

Right now Im 22 and she is living with me in a condo. She moved from TN to MS and now to CA with me. We have a great relationship with no regrets. People often think that for this age that its a good thing to "practice" with many different girls, and I think that is the case for most young men/teens, but it has never been my desire, even before I started dating her. A lot of people my age who have shorter relationships frequently go thru emotional highs and lows, not that thats a criticism, but ours have always been pretty constant, kind of like an old couple.
post #27 of 36
Sorta. I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years. We've been long distance probably 14 various months total out of those 24. It's tough, but you learn a lot about yourselves. I have "played the field" and I found out my girl was/is simply better than them. No regrets.
post #28 of 36
Three years and broke up 2 months ago, the longer the relationship the more it hurts. I feel like I missed out a lot on life.
post #29 of 36
I'm 20, and we just hit 2 years. No regrets, the 'playing the field' gig disgusts me anyway. ON EDIT: And no, she wasn't my first g/f.
post #30 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by avatar View Post
I'm 20, and we just hit 2 years. No regrets, the 'playing the field' gig disgusts me anyway. ON EDIT: And no, she wasn't my first g/f.
Fuck. You just stole my life. I'm 20 and she's 21, and we just hit 2 years in early march. I've had 2-3 girlfriends before. None lasting longer than 3 months though. While my girlfriend and i are doing great, i do hear the stories from my single friends and wonder a bit. Also, i think girls have a sensor that tells them when guys have girlfriends that way they can hit on them. There was this girl who i went on a small date with before i started dating my current gf, and things went well and we wanted to hang out again. Every time i called her to do something some weekend she'd be out of town, or she'd call me and i'd be somewhere else. We kept having almost misses and then we just stopped talking and i assumed she lost interest. A few months later the day after i started dating my current gf "officially", i was at a local band show and she called me out of the blue and said she was coming to the show too. She got there and did the little "walk by me while gently sliding her hand across my lower back and giving me a come fuck me stare". I was dumbfounded. I mean, it worked out for me, but i think all girls know and just like to frustrate men.
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