Wedding planning update: Please help me convince my fiancee that my groomsmen do not have to be... - Page 4

Quote:

Originally Posted by duggyald 

I think it's ok to argue with your fiancee on a few matters, BUT when it comes to wedding details..give her your utmost support because whether you like it or not it is the bride who ultimately makes the decisions with this things. .well at least that's what happened with my wedding.

That's the right track.

Advice to the OP:  First of all, don't get married.  Just go to prison instead.  You'll have more freedom, and with the occasional conjugal visit, you'll be equalling the amount of sex you would be getting from your wife after five years anyway. 

Second:  As duggyald was alluding to, the wedding is all about the bride.  This is not unfortunate. Let her plan all that tedious stuff. It's her day, not yours.  The only thing you need to object to is if she wants you all in tuxes with kelly green bow ties to match the hideous kelly green bridesmaid dresses.  This leads me to a further point; all bridesmaid dresses are without exception hideous.  They can be worn (reluctantly) to a wedding and absolutely nowhere else.  That's your leverage right there.  If she's choosing ugly shat for her girls, she has no say with your guys.  The last wedding I attended, the bride chose dresses in the one shade of  violet that couldn't possibly be found in nature.  On the bottom she added faux purple snake skin pumps.  I wish that could be found in nature.  I would like to have a purple snake come to think of it.  Those maids will hate her forever, but all men present greatly enjoyed their discomfort.  In the end, the only thing that will be fondly remembered about any wedding is if the wet bar is free all night. That's the part you plan. 

Third:  Considering the second point, you and your groomsmen want to dress in something you're going to wear often.  Rules out silly notions of evening and morning dress, right?  That is unless you are an opera junkie or attend an uncommon amount of VIP only monarchial funerals.  So I believe you're on the right track with the charcoal suit.  Have the groomsmen get variations of that. and instruct them to wear whatever shirt and tie they wish.  If one of them chooses an Aloha shirt and a Donald Duck tie, don't get all sartorial police on him.  He's your dumb friend and you can enjoy his ensemble years later as you leaf through your wedding photos.  At that point, and with hindsightt, your ridiculous friend will seem to be the only bright spot in your disastrous decision to get married. 

Make a good day of it, and get that free wet bar going. 

I find the whole concept of the groom having no say in the wedding ridiculous. It is not HER day, it is YOUR day. If some of you want to give control of the planning to the bride, fine, but that doesn't work for everyone, nor should it be the default. You and your friends are going to be the one wearing the clothes, and you should certainly have some (most?) of the say.

For those praising Zauberer's post (a fair bit of which I disagree), and then saying the OP should not marry the "psycho," I don't understand. The two stances are somewhat contradictory.

Try trading the DJ and the menu. Music is music. That won't last. Her choice in menu isn't that big of a deal, it can't be that different from yours...especially as she's sure to keep your guests in mind.

Ultimately, nobody will remember the music or the food. There will be many pictures. And perhaps this willingness to give up other things will show that while you may not have wanted a wedding in the first place, you want one now, and this is something that means a lot to you.

In the mean time, I'd order a swatch set from Sam Hober just in case you do win the argument. He makes beautiful, beautiful ties.

The people telling you it should be her day are those for whom weddings aren't important, and that's fine. If it is important to the groom, then it should be shared.