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style/confidence advice - Page 2

post #16 of 30
Thread Starter 

Hi There,

 

I posted a repsonse earlier but I think it got eaten by the internet.

 

Thanks so much for all the speedy replies - lots of really great advice. Feels amazing that other people have been through the same thing - makes me feel a little less of an oddball. :D

Quote:
Originally Posted by CosmeDaniel View Post

One approach I've taken is to begin a tumblr where I basically keep a tab on suits, jackets, ties, shoes, and wardrobes that I find interesting. As time and finances allow, I'll slowly begin to incorporate some of these into my personal wardrobe. (Link is below in case you're interested in perusing)

Thanks for the link, really interesting idea. I'll try see if I can get one going - how much does your tumblr reflect your style and how did it help you change it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Man Of Lint View Post
If you won't mind to post a few photos, it would be nice to see your better shoes, shirts, jackets and ties. Perhaps we can make a few suggestions from there.

 

I'm away on business for the next few days, but when I'm back I'll post pics of some different outfits/combinations - suggestions would be more then welcome!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gauss17 View Post


Do not do this. There is very little contrast with such an outfit. Contrast if your friend. A classic example would be navy pinstripe suit, white shirt, and burgundy tie. Even just changing the shirt from dark blue to white would probably be fine. Your tweed outfit with white shirt and black tie is a good example of success in this regard (although most would not have chosen black for the tie)..

 

I've tried a white shirt with the suit before and actually quite like it, especially without a tie - although one thing I'd say is that it does feel very very formal (but I kinda like that)

Quote:
Originally Posted by dapperdoctor View Post

I would say that dressing stylish is not necessarily dressing "smart" as you have said.  Plenty of smart people dress with no thought and don't care how they look and plenty of dumb people ress great.  You want to be more stylish, right?  :-) 

Yeah, sorry think that might have been a language thing, I meant 'smart' not as 'intelligent' but as classy, stylish or dapper ;)

Quote:
Originally Posted by VinnyMac View Post

OMG...

 

If you feel strange and uncomfortable wearing suits and ties, then why are you so eager to wear suits and ties? I don't understand. If you felt more strong and confident, then I'd see where you were coming from, but it seems like you want to dress up because you think that people will like it. Here's a tip: if you're twitchy and nervous, it won't matter what you're wearing. You still won't get the girl. You've probably already figured that out. Dressing up in a costume isn't going to make you more attractive to women. When you start to talk to them and you're tongue-tied, it won't matter what you're wearing.

 

Wear clothes that you feel comfortable in, and work on your self-confidence.

 

Thats not the issue, I dont feel uncomfortable wearing suits and ties etc, I really enjoy it and like the way it looks. The anxiety comes with getting away with quite radical change in style when my friends are generally quite casual and I am known for my casual dress and disdain for dressing up (a denial thing.) What I'd like to know is how to manage changing my style without feeling too self-conscious about it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RDiaz View Post

confused.gif

 

Don't do a white shirt with tweed. Unless it's an OCBD, and even then, do it with caution. I suggest a tattersall or gingham check, or light blue if it must be solid. Tie should be casual, too; wool challis, ancient madder, knit...

aw I was getting to quite like this look, and had a compliment on it. I'll post a pic when I can to see what you guys think.

Quote:
Originally Posted by austerlitz View Post

I somewhat disagree with this. I IMO believe that clothing adds confidence. Yes it should be built in its own regard, but wearing a suit certainly makes me feel a million times more confident than having on shorts and a t-shirt
OP, I am a couple of years younger than you, but let me say I believe you have come to the right place. I learned tons from this website, but have developed my own personal style which I can certainly say is unique to me! This site helps you do that, how? well WAYW thread is definitely a good place to start. It gives you an idea of what you may or may not like. There are some guys here who wear stuff that takes a lot of confidence to pull off, they have that, you dont have to start wearing red chinos tomorrow,. Nicely fitted jeans, shoes and a button down shirt is a good place to start, as you get more comfortable, up the ante by adding blazers, color and playing with patterns. Overall, browse the site occasionally, especially the picture threads and see what appeals to you, as only you can decide what you can be comfortable wearing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dapperdoctor View Post

 

Anyway, it might be good to ease into it.  Getting a couple of blazers is a good way to go because you can wear a blazer (sport coat) with jeans and a t-shirt and look great.  You can also dress it up a little more with some trousers and a dress shirt if needed.  You can even wear sport coats with a logo t-shirt if done properly.  Just have fun with it and see what works for you.  It sounds like a suit is really not needed at this point....  

 

Yeah I've been incorporating bits of dressier clothes into my everyday wardrobe for a wee while. Started wearing more shirts, sometimes loosely buttoned over a t-shirt sometimes properly and I've been wearing my tweed blazer often, dressed down with jeans, t-shirt and a hoodie. On most of the occassions where I've worn a button down with the blazer I've had a hoodie between them for a casual touch. A couple of weeks ago I was at a leaving party for an old friend and I decided to wear black trousers, one of my light blue casual-ish workshirts, smarter black leather sneakers and my tweed blazer. I got a couple of comments at the start of the night but I said what my friend had said at the wedding and said I was just trying things out. My friend who was leaving seemed happy that I had made the effort to dress up for her party.

post #17 of 30
It takes time to adopt new style. Once you get use to it, it will be fine.

BTW, words of Mr. Lint is so true, preppy girls are not long term friendly.
post #18 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by RDiaz View Post

confused.gif

Don't do a white shirt with tweed. Unless it's an OCBD, and even then, do it with caution. I suggest a tattersall or gingham check, or light blue if it must be solid. Tie should be casual, too; wool challis, ancient madder, knit...

meh, blanket statements like that are silly. I've worn white shirts with tweed and it looks just fine.

I agree that the tie should have some texture though.
post #19 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gauss17 View Post


You can buy t-shirts and jeans that fit you and still look put together while casual. I would recommend it. If you need help, take your female friend shopping with you.

 

I'm not sure I recommend this. I have found that many women know very little about men's style. They may like the end result of a well-put-together outfit, but probably can't help you get there. If you want more information on the casual look, you should visit the Streetwear and Denim part of this site. For tailored clothing, stay in the Men's Clothing section (where you posted this).

post #20 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Man Of Lint View Post

Welcome to Styleforum David.
Stay away from the preppy girls altogether as they won't be your crowd. Preppy girls are going in a different direction than you are, so to speak. This may change when they hit their mid 40's but not before, and even then it will only be an affair.. Trust me on this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by add911_11 View Post

It takes time to adopt new style. Once you get use to it, it will be fine.
BTW, words of Mr. Lint is so true, preppy girls are not long term friendly.

Is "preppy girl" the new euphemism for "stripper"? confused.gif
post #21 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by mcbrown View Post

Is "preppy girl" the new euphemism for "stripper"? confused.gif

I will find strippers more user friendly.
post #22 of 30
Hey man just my own bit of advice...

Dress with whatever you are comfortable with. It is really great that you want to improve your look, and it can be expected that you're a bit nervous about family and friend reactions. Don't let that get in the way of who you want to be.

I might also suggest easing into things. For a start, replace your baggy jeans with some classic fits. 2-3 pairs of dark blue Levi's 501s and maybe a black pair would do you great for years. Ease up on t-shirts and go to polos and casual shirts. Don't forget about footwear, which is a huge component a lot of guys overlook. Clark's desert boots are some great casual shoes, as well as suede bucks (for summer), and boat shoes (sperrys maybe) for spring/summer/early fall, and maybe some leather loafers if you are really feeling it. If you don't see yourself wearing a sport coat casually, don't push it!

Also, don't be afraid to try things and make mistakes. I've spent quite a bit of money over the last 2 years learning from mistakes, but I am grateful for it. You will eventually develop a taste for what you like, even if it costs you a bit of money here and there (and also having a few clothes that dont fit :P)
post #23 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by add911_11 View Post

I will find strippers more user friendly.

In a professional capacity, yes. In dating, not so much.
post #24 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by mcbrown View Post

In a professional capacity, yes. In dating, not so much.
I have no experience with dating strippers, I guess they are normal in real life?
Feel free to explain your own experience.
post #25 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajmanouk View Post

Hey man just my own bit of advice...

That is extremely useful for starters, well done Mr.A
post #26 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by add911_11 View Post

I have no experience with dating strippers, I guess they are normal in real life?

post #27 of 30
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajmanouk View Post

Hey man just my own bit of advice...
Dress with whatever you are comfortable with. It is really great that you want to improve your look, and it can be expected that you're a bit nervous about family and friend reactions. Don't let that get in the way of who you want to be.
I might also suggest easing into things. For a start, replace your baggy jeans with some classic fits. 2-3 pairs of dark blue Levi's 501s and maybe a black pair would do you great for years. Ease up on t-shirts and go to polos and casual shirts. Don't forget about footwear, which is a huge component a lot of guys overlook. Clark's desert boots are some great casual shoes, as well as suede bucks (for summer), and boat shoes (sperrys maybe) for spring/summer/early fall, and maybe some leather loafers if you are really feeling it. If you don't see yourself wearing a sport coat casually, don't push it!
Also, don't be afraid to try things and make mistakes. I've spent quite a bit of money over the last 2 years learning from mistakes, but I am grateful for it. You will eventually develop a taste for what you like, even if it costs you a bit of money here and there (and also having a few clothes that dont fit :P)

 

Thanks for this great advice. I'm already replacing t-shirts with casual shirts. I've got a couple like this only in grey/blue:

 

Is there any particular styles of shirt that would be good to go for? I've not got any polos so thats a complete blank page for me. Do you know of anywhere online that has good advice re shirts and shoes, I have no dressy shoes apart from a cheap pair of leather slip ons I bought for a wedding a while back.

post #28 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by VinnyMac View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by Man Of Lint View Post

Welcome to Styleforum David.

Stay away from the preppy girls altogether as they won't be your crowd. Preppy girls are going in a different direction than you are, so to speak. This may change when they hit their mid 40's but not before, and even then it will only be an affair.. Trust me on this.

Don't take advice from a guy who says things like this ^^^^^ He's clearly speaking from bitter experience.



....but riddle me this doctor...which one was I bitter about? The young preppy girl of my youth or the 40-something yr old preppy has-been?
post #29 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by RDiaz View Post

confused.gif

Don't do a white shirt with tweed. Unless it's an OCBD, and even then, do it with caution. I suggest a tattersall or gingham check, or light blue if it must be solid. Tie should be casual, too; wool challis, ancient madder, knit...

I like a white OCBD shirt with tweed, but then again, I think I nearly always disproportionately favor white shirts. Never-the-less, the above advice is solid as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by suitantie View Post


I've tried a white shirt with the suit before and actually quite like it, especially without a tie - although one thing I'd say is that it does feel very very formal (but I kinda like that)

White is a formal color, true, but without a tie is gives it a more casual feel. Nearly everything can be dressed up or down.
Quote:
Originally Posted by msulinski View Post

I'm not sure I recommend this. I have found that many women know very little about men's style. They may like the end result of a well-put-together outfit, but probably can't help you get there. If you want more information on the casual look, you should visit the Streetwear and Denim part of this site. For tailored clothing, stay in the Men's Clothing section (where you posted this).

Perhaps I should have been clearer here. The above is true (in my opinion) that most women know little about men's style and more so care that you simply have one that is not described as "I do not care". That said, women do have an excellent eye for fit (again my opinion), and this is more what I was getting at.
Quote:
Originally Posted by add911_11 View Post

I have no experience with dating strippers, I guess they are normal in real life?
Feel free to explain your own experience.

In defense of strippers (queue internet white knight meme), they can be, in fact, normal people. I have been to one strip club in my time for a friend's birthday in college. Long story short, at the end of the night when we asked one of the strippers to rank the "sketchyness" of the men who normally come into the club (1-10), her answer was "10".
Quote:
Originally Posted by suitantie View Post

Is there any particular styles of shirt that would be good to go for? I've not got any polos so thats a complete blank page for me. Do you know of anywhere online that has good advice re shirts and shoes, I have no dressy shoes apart from a cheap pair of leather slip ons I bought for a wedding a while back.

For shirt styles, there is a line of thought that it should be cued off your facial type:

http://www.fitcustomshirts.com/how-to-select-shirt-collar-based-on-face-shape.html

Polos: Can't do much better than KW: http://www.kentwang.com/polos

Shoes: Most everyone on this forum will recommend you start here: http://www.allenedmonds.com/

Good shoes/colors to start with are:

1. Park Avenue - Black Calfskin
2. Something in merlot/burgundy (My pick here would be the McAllister)
3. Something in dark brown

Admittedly, I favor lace-up shoes, but here is where you should pick the ones you like.
post #30 of 30

Not to worry, help is at hand. Whatever you want to do, the choice is up to you. The biggest piece of advice I could give you is not to rush out and buy everything all at once. Putting clothes together takes time and experience, it's not something you rush. Keep checking back on these forums, other Internet pages, magazines, TV, people in the street and see what they're wearing. Look at the cut of their clothes, look at their colour matching, look at the textures of material they use/combine. You'll get the hang of it, but it just takes time.

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