style/confidence advice

Hi There,

I'm not sure if this is the best place to post this topic - please feel free to move it somewhere more appropriate.

Basically I am looking for a little help. it may sound weird but I really want to change my clothing style to look much smarter than I do at the moment. I've just turned 30 and have spent most of my life dressing very casually - t-shirts, baggy jeans, hoodies, thick woolen jumpers etc etc.

I've always sortof fantasized about dressing a lot smarter but the desire has got a lot stronger in the last year and I've made a couple of concessions towards it. I used to refuse to wear shirts but over the last frew months I've started buying them - some plain coloured dres shirts and a couple of more casual chambray ones. I've begin wearing them but I still feel pretty self conscious around my friends or in public. I also bought a blue pinstripe suit last year with a dark blue shirt and black tie and earlier this year I put an outfit together consisting of a white shirt, black skinny tie, tweed blazer and black slim cut trousers - but I never have the opportunity really to wear these clothes. Its gotten to the stage where I get home from work, take off my casual clothes and dress in a smart outfit at home. I have even begin going to the supermarket or for walks dressed smartly (I know it sounds weird). I recently wore my tweed outfit to a wedding and my best friend (a girl) said I should dress in a suit and tie more often

My biggest problem is knowing how far to go and getting over the horrible self conscious feeling when I amdressed smartly or my total fear of dressing smartly in front my friends or family as they are really used to me never dressing up. I have also had a very bad run of luck with girlfriends in the past having always gone for casual tomboy kind of girls. Its always ended badly and I thought maybe going for a different kind of girl, someone smarter and preppier might be more of a success. I have also been growing more and more attracted to preppy-styled girls who dress smartly - I just know I have no chance getting a girl like that the way I currently dress. (Thats not the sole reason for wanting to change my style)

I was wondeirng if anyone here would be able to give me help or advice to overcome my anxiety or help me with developing my style more.

Many Thanks,

David

Hi Guyss,

Thanks for all the speedy replied and advice - its really good to know that other people have been through the same sort of thing and I'm not just an oddball!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Man Of Lint 

If you won't mind to post a few photos, it would be nice to see your better shoes, shirts, jackets and ties. Perhaps we can make a few suggestions from there.

I'm away on business for the next couple of days but when I get back I'll take a few pics of the different clothes/outfits I've been wearing to see what you think? From suggestions from here would be great, good idea btw, thanks :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gauss17 


You can buy t-shirts and jeans that fit you and still look put together while casual. I would recommend it. If you need help, take your female friend shopping with you.
Do not do this. There is very little contrast with such an outfit. Contrast if your friend. A classic example would be navy pinstripe suit, white shirt, and burgundy tie. Even just changing the shirt from dark blue to white would probably be fine. Your tweed outfit with white shirt and black tie is a good example of success in this regard (although most would not have chosen black for the tie).

I've tried the white shirt with my suit and I really quite like it - I'll post a couple of photos of thesuit with different coloured shirts and see what you think?

Quote:

Originally Posted by dapperdoctor 

I would say that dressing stylish is not necessarily dressing "smart" as you have said.  Plenty of smart people dress with no thought and don't care how they look and plenty of dumb people ress great.  You want to be more stylish, right?  :-) 

 

Anyway, it might be good to ease into it.  Getting a couple of blazers is a good way to go because you can wear a blazer (sport coat) with jeans and a t-shirt and look great.  You can also dress it up a little more with some trousers and a dress shirt if needed.  You can even wear sport coats with a logo t-shirt if done properly.  Just have fun with it and see what works for you.  It sounds like a suit is really not needed at this point.... 

 

I didn't mean 'smart' in the 'intelligent' sense - rather smart as in stylish, not casual way.

 

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by VinnyMac 

 

If you feel strange and uncomfortable wearing suits and ties, then why are you so eager to wear suits and ties? I don't understand. If you felt more strong and confident, then I'd see where you were coming from, but it seems like you want to dress up because you think that people will like it. Here's a tip: if you're twitchy and nervous, it won't matter what you're wearing. You still won't get the girl. You've probably already figured that out. Dressing up in a costume isn't going to make you more attractive to women. When you start to talk to them and you're tongue-tied, it won't matter what you're wearing.

 

Wear clothes that you feel comfortable in, and work on your self-confidence.

I don't feel uncomfortable dressing in button downs and suits and ties, I really like the feeling and think it looks good, I just feel uncomfortable dressing like that around my friends for fear of being judged or ostricised I guess. I've always been quite adamantly against dressing up (as sort of denial, I think) and so known for being casual that change is quite daunting.

Quote:

Originally Posted by RDiaz 

 

Don't do a white shirt with tweed. Unless it's an OCBD, and even then, do it with caution. I suggest a tattersall or gingham check, or light blue if it must be solid. Tie should be casual, too; wool challis, ancient madder, knit...

aw, I was beginning to really like the look. I'll post pictures for more advice?

Quote:

Originally Posted by austerlitz 

I somewhat disagree with this. I IMO believe that clothing adds confidence. Yes it should be built in its own regard, but wearing a suit certainly makes me feel a million times more confident than having on shorts and a t-shirt
OP, I am a couple of years younger than you, but let me say I believe you have come to the right place. I learned tons from this website, but have developed my own personal style which I can certainly say is unique to me! This site helps you do that, how? well WAYW thread is definitely a good place to start. It gives you an idea of what you may or may not like. There are some guys here who wear stuff that takes a lot of confidence to pull off, they have that, you dont have to start wearing red chinos tomorrow,. Nicely fitted jeans, shoes and a button down shirt is a good place to start, as you get more comfortable, up the ante by adding blazers, color and playing with patterns. Overall, browse the site occasionally, especially the picture threads and see what appeals to you, as only you can decide what you can be comfortable wearing.

Great advice though, I've already been wearing my tweed blazer with casual jeans/sweaters/hoodies so people have been getting used o it, and I've had a lot of compliments on it. I've also been introducing a lot more button downs into my wardrobe - mostly in 'going out' sort of suituations but still played down with a hoodie between the shirt and blazer/with jeans/trainers etc. I also dressed a little smarter for a friend's leaving party a couple of weeks back. I wore a smart-ish workshirt with black trousers, my blazer and smarter black leather sneakers. A few people commented on the fact i was dressed smarter. I brought up what my friend had said at the wedding and my friend (who's leaving party it was ) seemed happy i had made the effort for her party.