Originally Posted by ter1413
Backstory def needed......
So we're at Sea World in San Diego. Lawyerkid is probably six, and my oldest niece is a year younger than that.
(Edit: they may have been a bit younger - more like five and four. But definitely no older than six and five.)
They have an ice skating rink set up for the kids. Because this is California and none of the kids can skate for shit (plus the ice is crappy because it's obviously manufactured ice and while it it's not the middle of summer it's San Diego), so half of them are basically just going around the outer edge of the rink, going hand-over-hand on the railing as they go.
There's one little kid (maybe 7 or 8) who you can see wants to go faster than the prevailing traffic. But he also can't skate for shit and is attached to the railing, so when there's another kid in front of him, rather than skating around he just starts butting into them from behind and more or less pushes them out of the way. I see this coming from a ways away, and he starts doing it to my niece - repeatedly knocking into her to attempt to push past her. I can see she's scared of falling, and uncomfortable. So as they pass in front of me (I'm standing by the railing) I take him gently by the shoulder, separate him from my niece, and say, "You know, if you want to get past all you have to do is ask, and I'm sure she'd be happy to let you." Then I take my niece's hand and lift up her arm so the little shit can skate under our arms (still hugging the railing) and on his way. I'm standing there feeling good about the sensitive, Cosby-like manner in which I've handled the situation (I did everything but give the little f**** a lollipop), when this obnoxious cow comes charging over, screaming at me about how you never touch another person's child, and she could press charges for harassment (I love it when ignorant fucks start lecturing me about the law, which is one of the only things in life I sort of know something about), blah blah. I try explaining calmly that her kid was pushing and literally leaning on my niece (clearly a reflection on your shitty parenting, you moron), and so I simply lifted him off her and sent him on his way, but she's completely wrapped up in her little rant, and I don't give enough of a shit about her opinion to engage with her. But at some point she says something about how it should never happen again. At this point my brother -- who is quiet and easy-going 95% of the time but has a knack for picking exactly the most inflammatory moment for stepping out of that role -- says, "If he doesn't push my daughter again, there won't be a problem. If he does, I'll be doing exactly what my brother just did, whether you like it or not!"
She happens to be carrying her kid's Converse All Stars (high-tops, for what it's worth), because the kids leave their shoes with us when they put the skates on. She wheels, and with a full wind-up smacks my brother in the face with the shoes. He puts her in a headlock, shoves her against the wall, and pins her there while shouting for somebody to call park security.
At about that point her maybe-girlfriend walks up and starts in on me (she's slightly less crazy and out of control than the first one) about how "You don't get in someone's space, you don't get in their bubble!" I pointed out, "I didn't get in anyone's bubble. I haven't moved from this spot. She and her bubble came all the way from the other side of the rink to get in my face." Then we got a couple of fat-assed middle aged dudes who'd clearly never spoken to women other than their wives and great aunts in their lives trying to prove their chivalry by scolding me (from the other side of a fence, natch) "You never hit a woman! You never touch a woman!" (I didn't bother to point out the irony of the second statement coming from them.) Dealt with those yahoos, and then the Sea World cops finally arrived. A couple of other parents came over and told the "cops" that the boy had been pushing other kids, that I'd been very gentle with him, and that the mom had initiated the violence with my brother. They ended up escorting those folks out of the park and letting us go on our way.
Other than my daughter and niece having to see it and being scared (my daughter now, to the extent she remembers, thinks the story about her uncle getting smacked with shoes is hilarious), it was actually kind of funny -- even at the time -- because this woman's behavior was so wacky and out of line that it was hard to take seriously. And seeing my little brother throw down with her after getting smacked with a pair of sneakers (but not seriously hurt) was a bonus. He and I agreed that it was a good thing that my sister-in-law was off in another part of the park with my younger niece, because she wouldn't have found it nearly as funny as we did . . . But it's one of my favorite family vacation memories.